Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

Child Hosting Programs: Preparing to be a Host Family

• Season 20 • Episode 52

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 47:47

Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!

What should you consider when preparing to become a host family to a child who is eligible for international adoption? We talk with Misty Lucas, an International Program Director at Gladney Center for Adoption. 

In this episode, we talk about:

  • For listeners new to this topic, what is a child hosting program, and what are the goals of hosting today? 
  • How have hosting programs changed in recent years, especially around ethics and child welfare practices? 
  • What types of children most commonly participate in hosting programs (ages, sibling groups, common needs, etc.)? 
  • Are children typically already eligible for adoption before participating?
  • What does it look like to be a host family?
  • What types of families tend to thrive in hosting programs
  • What does it mean to advocate for a child during hosting?
  • What signs may suggest a family is not ready?
  • What kind of screening, training, and preparation do host families typically complete?
  • How much information do families usually receive about a child beforehand?
  • How should families prepare the children already living in their home?
  • Are there special considerations for families whose children already have trauma histories or who were adopted themselves?
  • Why is it so important for host families to understand trauma before hosting?
  • How does trauma commonly show up during hosting, especially in a short-term environment?
  • What behaviors or emotional responses should families realistically expect?
  • What are common mistakes well-intentioned host families make?
  • Hosting programs can raise strong criticisms and concerns. What are the most common criticisms or misunderstandings about hosting?
  • How do ethical programs work to reduce a child’s feelings of being “chosen” or evaluated?
  • How are children prepared emotionally before they travel?
  • How do programs and host families work to avoid creating false hope for children?
  • What does a typical hosting session look like? How long, what to do, etc.
  • What activities and support should host families expect during hosting?
  • What financial realities should families understand before committing?
  • Can families host even if they are unsure about adoption?
  • If a family decides they want to pursue adoption, what typically happens next?
    • What does that process and timeline often look like?
  • What is emotionally difficult for families after a child returns home while adoption decisions are pending?
  • Are the children made aware of a potential adoption plan once hosting is over? 
  • What does a successful hosting experience look like from the child’s perspective?
  • What’s one thing you hope every prospective host family understands before beginning? 

Resources:

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review.  This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Tracy Whitney

Hello and welcome to Creating a Family. Talk about adoption, foster care, and kinship care. My name is Tracy Whitney. I'm the content director here at Creating a Family, and I'm excited for today's conversation about child hosting and what it can lead to, what families should consider, and why families should consider it. We are joined today by Misty Lucas, International Adoption Director for Latin America and Bulgaria at GLADME Adoptions, where she has helped guide families through the international adoption process and hosting programs since 2017. With decades of experience in social services, trauma-informed care, and family support, she brings both professional expertise and her personal insights as an adoptive mom through international adoption. Her work is deeply rooted in helping families build strong connections as they navigate their adoption journey. So welcome, Misty. I'm so glad to have you here today. Thank you, Tracy. I'm excited to be here. So child hosting programs have been around for many years. Some people know what they are, some people don't. And they've been part of international adoption and child welfare practices for all of that time, but they've changed significantly in that time. Today I'd like to talk about what the programs are, how they work, and what the emotional and ethical realities might be, as well as what families should think about if they're considering a hosting program.

For listeners new to this topic, what is a child hosting program, and what are the goals of hosting today?

Tracy Whitney

So let's start with the definitions and program parameters so that everybody's on the same page and understands what we're talking about. For the listeners who are new to this topic, what is a child hosting program and what are the goals of hosting a child?

SPEAKER_00

So a child hosting program is child-centered. It is doing what is in the best interest of the child. It is bringing a child from other countries or even in our domestic system, sometimes they'll have hosting programs into a family environment. It is a family environment where the family has been screened, the host family has been screened. It's for a very specific time period. And the primary goal is just to offer the child the opportunity for a safe nurturing experiences. A lot of times we're able to get some medical evaluations, some academic evaluations done. We're able to offer some new experiences for that child so that they are able to connect with other people besides those that they've always known. And they're able, then we're able as an agency to really get to know that child and advocate to find the best family for that child.

How have hosting programs changed in recent years, especially around ethics and child welfare practices?

Tracy Whitney

And how have you seen these programs change in recent years or over the course? You've been doing this since 2017 over that time frame.

SPEAKER_00

So the programs have become very regulated with the Hague Convention involvement in especially international adoption. It's become more regulated. There's been a lot more screening process happening. There's more trauma-informed training and care emphasized throughout the hosting experience. We think more about the child's rights. We do not talk about futures or long-term, you know, where's this child going to be with the child? But rather we focus just more on prioritizing screening the family and then advocating for that child.

What types of children most commonly participate in hosting programs (ages, sibling groups, common needs, etc.)?

Tracy Whitney

So what types of children are most commonly participating in these hosting programs? Like ages, sibling groups, some of the common needs that we see, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00

So we're going to see older school age children. I would say typically 12 and older. Occasionally we have sibling groups, and sibling groups could go down to about 10, but you usually don't see younger than that in those hosting experiences. Because the child has to have an understanding as well as to this is an opportunity for new experiences. And this is an opportunity for them to feel safe and for them to see what else is out there in the world.

Are children typically already eligible for adoption before participating?

Tracy Whitney

So are they typically already available for adoption before they participate in this program?

SPEAKER_00

With the Hague Convention involved, with a lot of, especially the international adoption experiences, they would be available for adoption at that point. But the focus is never to take off what's in the best interest of the child. So sometimes those programs could be where that child is still in the reunification process with their family, and we don't want to take away from that. That is the priority for the child. And the governments overseeing that child's case get to make that determination what's in the best interest of the child. We have no say. The entities that are over that child's care get to have that say.

Tracy Whitney

So that's where the language change in talking about the child's future and the intent of this program really shows up then.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, correct. Um, just because sometimes it can give the child a different view on the world and give them a hope, or maybe they had lost hope. You know, they'll they see um different ways that families live, they see different even careers people are doing. So it just gives them a different view and it becomes something that we're hoping enhances them and their future.

Tracy Whitney

That's fantastic. So let's move on a little bit to the role of a host family.

What does it look like to be a host family?

Tracy Whitney

What does it actually mean to be a host family for one of these children?

SPEAKER_00

So being a host family means committing the time to that child for the designated time that it would be, and inviting that child into your home, helping to make them feel safe, giving them a structure and at the same time giving them some new experiences, letting them experience what that family life is like. Um, and just recognizing that that child's also gonna have other emotions that come in. It's not all gonna be rainbows and sunshine. You know, that child's gonna realize this is different than anything I've ever experienced. They may feel some loss, they might have some grief, there might even be some trauma triggers. So, as a host family, you have to be prepared that it's not always gonna be easy as well.

Tracy Whitney

Right.

What types of families tend to thrive in hosting programs

Tracy Whitney

So you brought that trauma trigger stuff up. Let's talk about what kind of families tend to thrive in these hosting programs and in the role of a host family.

SPEAKER_00

So the families that thrive the best are very flexible, they're emotionally stable, they're following the guidance from the professionals who know the children the best, um, especially in international adoption. A lot of times we have chaperones who are coming with the children, know, know those children, know, you know, if there's some anxiety, what to do in those moments. And so being willing to follow that guidance, lowering expectations as well. Um, and so those are the families that are gonna do the best with the hosting program. They're the ones that are gonna make the child feel the most comfortable.

Tracy Whitney

Okay.

What does it mean to advocate for a child during hosting?

Tracy Whitney

So, what does it mean to advocate for a child in this setting?

SPEAKER_00

Well, advocating for a child means sharing um the child's story, but not sharing too much of the child's story, but rather I know this amazing kid who, you know, um needs a family if they're adoptable, um sharing that story to help get the information out that there are children available for adoption. It also means um providing observations, pictures, videos, so that it helps future families who might be interested in adopting that child. It means being a support system to the child, and it means just being available to enhance whatever the agency can do for that child as well. It's not a long-term commitment of giving more money to the child once the child goes home or anything like that, but it's more of a support and helping to find out what's best for that child's future.

Tracy Whitney

Kind of being their voice in safe, protected, dignified ways.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. Yes, definitely.

What signs may suggest a family is not ready?

Tracy Whitney

So, what are some signs that a family may not be ready to step into a hosting role?

SPEAKER_00

So families who won't be ready are families who are wanting to rescue a child. Um, that is not what that child is needing in that moment. Um, families who are very rigid, who have higher expectations of, you know, we see families who will say, well, if the child comes and lives with me, they're gonna go to this private school, they're gonna achieve these things, they're going to do these specific sports. And those aren't the families who are gonna do well with hosting because that child needs an opportunity to still be themselves, to still have their identity, and still be able to um have some identity within their culture as well.

Tracy Whitney

So kind of a family that's ready and willing to balance those things rather than make the child fit into their already established order. Yes. Especially because it's short term and they can go back to that already established order later after the child returns.

SPEAKER_00

And I think keeping in mind when we agree to be a host family, it disrupts our regular, our structure, our daily routines. So if you're not willing to be flexible with that, if you're not, if you're very rigid and this has to happen daily, hosting's not the best option.

Tracy Whitney

Right. Yeah, I think the conversation, and it's a good conversation for the larger issue of any child impacted by trauma, but how willing are we to have our routines and structures and established schedules disrupted for two weeks for a meltdown, for a possible fun new experience? Because it's not always bad interruptions. Sometimes the interruptions are great, but still, if you're not capable of making space for that, that's a that's a big sign that maybe this is not the right program for you. Correct. Correct.

What kind of screening, training, and preparation do host families typically complete?

Tracy Whitney

Well, let's talk about preparations for hosting. When someone has said, okay, I think we can be that flexible, safe space for a child to be exposed to new things and new people and uh new ways of of learning about the world. Now what?

SPEAKER_00

The family is gonna go through an extensive screening. So there's gonna be background checks, there's gonna be a home study or a even a social study, some countries call it done on the family. Right. Um, we're going to know that that family is a safe space. We're gonna know that their home, their family is a safe space. We're gonna visit the home. Um, we're gonna have many interviews with the family, we're gonna provide training for the family. We're gonna make sure they understand the possible trauma that the child has encountered. We're gonna give them trauma-informed care trainings as well. We're going to make sure we're we're gonna try to make sure their expectations are in the right place, um, you know, giving the best guidance that we can in that area. We're also going to just make sure that that preparation is there prior to matching them with a child to host, and then more preparation that's child specific once they are matched with a child.

Tracy Whitney

Okay, and what do you mean by child specific?

SPEAKER_00

So child specific would be like if I had agreed to host a child who maybe had anxiety, making sure they knew some techniques if a child's starting to have anxiety, even you know, a panic attack of some kind, like what that child needs. Um, and it might be some generalized training, or it could be we're getting information from the government entity over the child who's saying this is how the child deals with these situations.

Tracy Whitney

Okay. So there's the pre-training, uh, pre-placement training, which would be similar to what a family would experience if they're going through the home study and adoption application process. Correct. And then there's the child-specific training, which is about maybe their specific medical needs or their specific educational needs or their specific culture. And then after that, well, not after that, but in concurrence

How much information do families usually receive about a child beforehand?

Tracy Whitney

with that, how much information do these families have about a specific child before the child joins the household?

SPEAKER_00

So it depends on the government entity they're coming from, um, but they're always going to have some type of summary that's going to provide information about where the child came from, a little bit about their background, and where the child is now. You know, what kind of medical needs they have, types of doctors they've seen, or possible diagnosis, even. They're going to have some information about where they're at in their reunification or adoption process as well. Some countries give a lot of information, and some countries really give more of a summary. We as an agency would try to give as much information as we could about that child.

unknown

Okay.

Tracy Whitney

And I'm assuming then that information also includes developmental milestones or developmental delays, things that the host family should be looking for, that although the child is maybe 12, they are maybe still functioning at like an eight-year-old level in this way, for example. Correct.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And I think that's where the hosting family's observations are important as well, because taking into account that in some countries, children might not start school till they're seven, or school is only four hours a day. You know, so we might be told this child's at a fifth grade level, but the family's observation would be important to know if they truly are, if they ended up living in the United States. Like, how is that going to impact the child in the long run? And what would they need?

Tracy Whitney

Do most child hosting programs come with some sort of documentation process or protocol that they offer to the host families to track this information and like journal their observations?

SPEAKER_00

I don't think it comes with a specific protocol, but I think we're we're getting better at knowing what to ask families to look at and to look for. What we're doing right now is asking for like daily, weekly reports from families, just how are things going, because we want to ensure that everything stays stable. But I think we are getting better at knowing what to ask, what to look for in the children. Based upon culture, again, um, that's a significant difference. Even within the United States, that's completely different. A child from California is going to have a different experience than a child from Illinois. You know, so we're getting better as collective agencies in knowing these are the things we need to start identifying to enhance that child's future and to help find the best family for them.

Tracy Whitney

Listeners, I'd like to interrupt for just a minute to tell you about our weekend wisdom podcast. We drop it every Saturday morning. It's a short 12 to 15 minute podcast in which we answer one specific question with practical advice and strategies that will help strengthen your family. If you have a question, please either hit the link in the show notes or the link that says drop us some fan mail, or you can email us at info at creating afamily.org. We'll put your question in the list of questions that we address and research, and we'll bring you an answer that strengthens your family about the particular thing that you're concerned about. Thanks so much, and let's go back to the interview.

How should families prepare the children already living in their home?

Tracy Whitney

So, one thing that we haven't talked about just yet is that many of these host families already have children in the home living with them, whether it's by adoption or biological children. How do those families prepare the children that are already living in their homes for this hosting experience?

SPEAKER_00

So I it's really important that those children feel like they have a voice, whether negative or positive. And we can provide opportunities for those children to have that voice, to participate in some activities with the host children as well. Like for our agency, and I know many of the agencies will have activities throughout the hosting period where we bring all the families together. That's an excellent observation tying for the agency, even to make sure the children already in the home are adjusting and doing okay. Um, but that preparation is super important in just allowing the children in the home to have a voice, to hear their concerns and not ignore those things that they're saying. And we have safety rules as well.

Tracy Whitney

Okay, yeah. I was gonna ask you about the safety rules.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, in our families, right? We just do normal as we've always done it since they were toddlers. But when you bring somebody else in the home, they can start to feel like a sibling, but you can't, you you know, you can't leave the bathroom door open, you can't do some of the things that you might have done before. And it's important to have those safety rules in place for all of the children.

Tracy Whitney

Okay. Are there occasions in which a family should consider welcoming their already resident children into a training situation?

SPEAKER_00

There definitely could be. There definitely could be. So I think that would be on a case-by-case situation. Um, I have had families where even like maybe a single parent was adopting and they had an older child, a teenager, and we would bring them in in a training session just because there's, you know, it's a different level of, I mean, you still have the supervision, but it's there's more involvement from an older child.

Tracy Whitney

Great.

Are there special considerations for families whose children already have trauma histories or who were adopted themselves?

Tracy Whitney

And are there any special considerations offered or kind of buffered or scaffolded for families whose children have already had a significant trauma history or who were also adopted?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we we look at that closely. I think that's part of that screening process to see if that's in the best interest of the child, talking to counselors, maybe even our social workers, having conversations with those children and with the parents and how that can impact them. I would say wisely, families need to await at least two years from the time they adopt until they host. I would not push that to happen quickly. And it some children are going to need a lot more time than that. Right. But we do want to emphasize we're not replacing anyone, we're not saying anyone's not good enough for the family. We're just trying to give a child an experience they've not had before and see how we can enhance for them as

Why is it so important for host families to understand trauma before hosting?

SPEAKER_00

well.

Tracy Whitney

Well, let's stay on the topic of trauma just a little bit longer and help help me understand so that our listeners can understand why it's so important for a host family to understand the depth and width and breadth of trauma and its impacts, even if they're only hosting for just a short time.

SPEAKER_00

So our kiddos who come from other countries, who come from our own welfare system, our child welfare system, have experienced trauma. We know that. Um, and trauma affects how an individual sees other individuals, whether they're children, adults, how they see their world. And so it's really important that families don't misinterpret survival behaviors that child children may exhibit, but rather they understand that this is actually trauma. It's not defiance, it's trauma. So we know the world's not perfect, but we have to keep that trauma lens in mind because the reality is my experience is different from somebody else's who might have lived in the same house, who might have um been in the same experience and experience trauma. What I'm feeling, what I'm seeing is different than what they felt and saw. And so keeping that in mind with our kiddos that we're bringing for hosting, that's why we have to keep the trauma and form lens up front.

unknown

Yeah.

What behaviors or emotional responses should families realistically expect?

Tracy Whitney

So what are some of the behaviors or emotional responses that families might realistically um see when they're hosting?

SPEAKER_00

You might see a lot of curiosity, you see some grief, you're gonna see um some fear, you're gonna see pushing of boundaries. It's very, very common for the host children just to sort of shut down for a time period because they're overstimulated. Right, right, right. You know, there's too much new going on. We're gonna you could see some hoarding of food or refusing to eat. Um, you could even see some sleep disturbances. Um, so being aware of those struggles and working through them with the professionals involved in the hosting experience, as well as the trainings that the families have had is very important. Um, I think that at the same time, you're also going to see a lot of resiliency from the kiddos. And there will be other times that you're like, oh my goodness. That is the funniest kid I've ever met, you know. He just makes us all laugh all the time. But there again, some of that survival, and they're just trying to figure out where they fit in. Right. And is this really safe?

Tracy Whitney

That's a great summary of it, especially the in the very early days of the hosting program, like first, you know, 48 to 72 hours can be just so much. They're coming from a completely different environment. And we know in just our regular everyday lives, we feel overstimulated by everything that's going on around us. And it's our norm. And so to just put that lens on and say, okay, this needs to be viewed through the lens of trauma, and how much is too much for this kid? Right. That's great.

What are common mistakes well-intentioned host families make?

Tracy Whitney

So on the flip side of that, what are some of the common mistakes that you see parents making in the first few days or week or so of the program?

SPEAKER_00

I think a lot of times with hosting, we expect for that child to come running and give us a hug. And if they we go to them and immediately expect that immediate connection. And not that that connection is not important, but we need to take it at the pace that the child's comfortable with and be able to figure out how to read that as well. Some children will do that because they know that that's what adults expect. And so it's helping establish the boundaries as well. Not taking behaviors personally is super important. Nothing this child is doing is directed at me or my children, or you know, that they're just surviving. Um, one of the things we really encourage is like when families first come home is spending a day or two of just rest. Go for a picnic, you know, but have that time of rest. So you can leave the house, but don't go to the amusement park, don't go shopping, don't, you know, just have some time of downtime and rest. Because I think we get these plans going and we're thinking of I'm gonna make sure they experience everything in the next three weeks that you know a child could ever experience. And that's not the best case scenario for these kids. So um sharing too much of a child's story can also be an error that a lot of times we as host families make. And so being cautious of that, and if you're not sure, asking the professionals involved how much can I share or should I share in advocating for that child.

Tracy Whitney

Okay.

How often should families expect to hear from the host program’s support professionals?

Tracy Whitney

You've mentioned a couple times um, you know, staying in communication with the professionals that are are guiding you through the hosting program. About how often should a host family expect to um hear from their support staff?

SPEAKER_00

That's a great question. So typically the agencies will stay in regular contact with the family, have some kind of communication, texting, calling daily with them just to make sure everything's okay. And then the chaperone to come along with the kiddos, they're usually available as well. A lot of times those chaperones will stay in the homes for a period of time, like two days, three days overnight, just to make sure the child's adjusting and there aren't any concerns. So that can help as well. But we we strongly encourage that regular communication and the professionals on the agency side really trying to make sure that's there for the families.

Tracy Whitney

And do the chaperones also speak English well enough that a family who really needs to communicate something important feels safe and comfortable doing that?

SPEAKER_00

Depends on the country. If the child's from an international country, it'll depend on the country they come from. If they don't speak English, there's usually someone there to interpret for them.

Tracy Whitney

Perfect.

Hosting programs can raise strong criticisms and concerns. What are the most common criticisms or misunderstandings about hosting?

Tracy Whitney

So, what are some of the common ethical or emotional realities that we need to consider? Um, let's kind of lead into it with starting with the misunderstandings. So it can the hosting program has been fairly widely criticized in some circles and some for good reason, but some of it because it comes from pretty deep misunderstandings of the actual program. So let's first cover maybe some of the common criticisms or misunderstandings that you hear about the hosting programs, and then we'll move through that.

SPEAKER_00

So I think one of the common things we hear is that we are putting children out in front of everybody. We're parading them through, whether it's through social media, at an activity, or even websites, whatever. And we are like allowing families to pick and choose a child. And that is a big misconception. That's not what's happening. What's happening is the agency wants to get to know that child, so then we can identify the best family for a child, and then present that family to the government entity that's over the child. So it's not the family saying, I'm picking this one and this is why. Um, it's rather us as an agency saying this is in the best interest of the child because this family has these abilities, these qualities that are going to benefit this child. I think sometimes people also misunderstand and think we're bringing babies, you know, for families to try out. And that is not what's happening. Right. It is focusing on those children who are harder to place, whether it's due to medical needs, emotional needs, maybe just age. Right. And giving that opportunity for the agency to advocate for the child. So there are a lot of misunderstandings and criticisms, but I think it's asking and seriously taking into consideration the programs the agencies are putting into place and looking at that and how it's being presented.

Tracy Whitney

So earlier in the conversation, you had talked about hosting being child-centered. And that's where this comes into play. The agency is using these opportunities to see the child interact in new and different spaces with new and different people and new and different experiences to see kind of the whole child because when they're caring for that child in that government space, they really are only seeing an aspect of that child. And so, this hosting program, what I'm hearing you say is the hosting program offers opportunities to the agency professionals and the government professionals to see more sides of a child to get the right fit for that child.

SPEAKER_00

Correct, correct. Because one of the things as well is a lot of those government entities will send out a survey for lack of a better word to the host families, you know, tell us what worked, what didn't work, tell us, you know, what you saw from the child. They will, you know, even the government entities are trying to figure out what is happening that we're not seeing on our side with this child.

Tracy Whitney

Okay.

How do ethical programs work to reduce a child’s feelings of being “chosen” or evaluated?

Tracy Whitney

So let's hone down a little bit more. How does an ethical program work to reduce feelings on the child's side of being chosen or evaluated or analyzed for a program?

SPEAKER_00

I think the biggest part of that is making sure that the child's dignity is kept, that the child's privacy is kept, that the child is at the forefront of everyone's conversation decisions, that it is not that the ethical component is this is not about adoption. This is about helping this child to have the best life they can have and to be the best person they can be. So sometimes even for us as an agency, that's recognizing there's a need in a county or a country for a specific type of service. So, how can we help make sure that service is there for those children? So it's not, it's not about the adoption necessarily. It's about needing the children and helping them to be the best that they can be.

Tracy Whitney

And I want to summarize to make sure I'm hearing you correctly. You're saying that they also use the information they learn from maybe their current or past hosting programs to decide future programs and supports and services for the children that are in their care who may never be eligible for hosting. Correct.

unknown

Correct.

Tracy Whitney

Awesome, awesome.

How are children prepared emotionally before they travel?

Tracy Whitney

So, how are the kids prepared by these government entities, these uh orphanage professionals or social workers in the country where they're coming from or the facility that they're coming from before they travel to the United States?

SPEAKER_00

So the kiddos are given very clear, age-appropriate um explanations about how long they're gonna be, where they're gonna be, who they're gonna be with, what's happening, what will happen afterwards. They're given space to ask questions, express their feelings. They're not pressured in any way to, I mean, they have the voice to say, I don't want to go. Okay. And we accept that. We accept that. I mean, it can be the day before they're supposed to travel, right? But we accept that. Like, you know, the child is allowed to have that voice. So that part of it is just every country entity does it a little bit different in how they prepare the child, but making sure for us as an agency that that child is being heard, that they do understand why they're coming and not putting any pressure on them to, you know, to feel like they have to be a certain way, but allow them to be themselves.

How do programs and host families work to avoid creating false hope for children?

Tracy Whitney

And in that preparation process, how do they work to avoid false hope or or mitigate the the risk that the child might create some false hope for themselves?

SPEAKER_00

They talk a lot about the experiences that they're gonna have or they could have, the experience of living in a family family environment, a healthy family environment, the experiences of seeing what another area, country is like, learning, you know, learning about if dad's a fireman, learning about firemen, like whatever that component of the family is that that child might have an interest in in the future. So that is how they explain what's happening. These are older children. Sometimes those children will assume, and we train the families not to give the false hope, not to say, I would like to adopt you, but to rather say this isn't my decision.

Tracy Whitney

Right. So they don't have a lot of experience with the rest of the world around them. They are ignorant, not in a stupid way, but ignorant of the realities, both good and bad, of other worlds beyond where they are. And so the preparation in advance helps them kind of realistically assess what might be happening. But then living with that host family, that attempt to continue the realistic assessment of what might be happening is part of their training for the host families. Correct. Correct. One more interruption, and then we'll finish up the uh interview together. I received this lovely note from a longtime listener in Portland, Oregon. She said, I love your show. I'm an adoptive parent of an older child through international adoption, and I've been listening to Creating a Family for Years, since before I became a parent in 2021. Thank you so much for all the resources and insight that you share. I loved listening to Dawn, and now I love listening to Tracy. You do a great job. Thank you so much, Portland, for saying that. What an honor it is to be compared to Dawn, but also what an honor it is that you've been listening for so long and you keep listening. We're grateful to hear from you and we're grateful to know that what we do here at Creating Family is hitting the mark for you and strengthening your family every day. Let's go back to the interview. So

What does a typical hosting session look like? How long, what to do, etc.

Tracy Whitney

let's talk a little bit about some of the practical parts of the hosting program for the host families or potential host families. What is the typical length of a hosting program and what does a hosting season look like for a family?

SPEAKER_00

Sure, sure. So a hosting program is typically no less than three weeks. Okay. Occasionally you'll find a program that's about two weeks, but usually it's closer to three weeks on the average. It could even be, depending on the country or the area that the child's coming from. It could be even up to a couple of months. So it really depends on that specific programs, um, where the children are coming from. That's who gets to decide how long the hosting period is. Okay. And I think that's another important component of hosting is like it's not always the agency making the decision. Right. The government entities make a lot of the decisions and then say, this is what it will look like, this is what it will be. Um, so there will be staff who are available for the families, our program staff from the agencies, the chaperones, and then daily life should just function as usual, the best that you can with a visitor in your home. You know, we had talked about that previously. That's not always gonna be smooth. Right. But yeah, you're gonna continue to do your daily activities, you know, whether that's sitting down every night and playing a game as a family or going to somebody's ball game, you know, you're gonna continue those kind of things. But you're also gonna have some special outings, some cultural experiences for the children, you know, maybe this kiddo is from a big city and has never seen a chicken up close or, you know, even got to hold an egg because somebody's always been taking care of them and cooking for them, those kind of things. So allowing them to have some of those experiences is very important, as well as the fun things. So we're not gonna be, you know, entertaining all the time, but we are gonna be offering experiences for them.

Tracy Whitney

And are those experiences typically geographically centered so that the host family is not doing a ton of extra um burdensome travel?

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Yes. Yeah, we try to keep things local for families, you know, usually within an hour or so, so that they can have those experiences. That's another part of hosting. It's important that the children don't feel like they've just been dropped off somewhere and left. And so it's important that they continue to get to meet with their peers from that are also on the hosting program, from the other country, from the other county, wherever it might be, that they're still connected.

Tracy Whitney

So you're trying to group host families kind of together geographically to welcome these kids and and facilitate both those connections but also the experiences. Correct. That's important. Okay.

What financial realities should families understand before committing?

Tracy Whitney

And during the hosting period, um, what kind of financial realities are families looking at?

SPEAKER_00

So there is a financial component to it. There's program fees, there's travel costs sometimes, you know, that when the children come in, sometimes they go to an airport that might not be the closest airport to the host family. Right. Um, so there could be some travel costs, but there's also gonna be everyday expenses like food. Some of these kiddos don't come with but one set of clothing or two sets of clothing. So you might have to buy swimsuits or, you know, talk to a friend who has a child about the same size, those kind of things. And then you're also gonna pay for the activities.

Tracy Whitney

Okay. Um, is it up to a host family to include their biological or resident children or not? Or is it highly recommended that they just include everybody?

SPEAKER_00

I think it's on a case-by-case situation for the family. I know families where they have had adult children and the adult children are like, I want to be a part of this experience. This is exciting, and they'll come from wherever they live and stay, you know, and be a part of that screening as well. It's, you know, they still have to be a part of the screening too, if they're gonna be involved in that experience. So, you know, but they'll come and say, hey, this is important. I want to make sure this child gets to have these experiences while dad's at work and mom's taking care of whatever, or she's at work. You know, I want to be a part of this. And then we have other families who are like it's just the children who are like living at home right now, and those are the ones who are involved. Okay.

Can families host even if they are unsure about adoption?

Tracy Whitney

So let's talk a little bit as we're kind of getting closer to the end here of the link between hosting and adoption. And you've articulated very well that the goal of a hosting program is not adoption, but the undeniable reality is that some of these families are considering adoption. And so let's talk about some of that. If a family is unsure or uninterested in adoption, do they still qualify to be a host family?

SPEAKER_00

They definitely qualify to be a host family. Yes.

Tracy Whitney

Awesome. Awesome.

If a family decides they want to pursue adoption, what typically happens next? What does that process and timeline often look like?

Tracy Whitney

And if a family on the other side decides they do want to pursue adoption, what typically happens as soon as the hosting program is over?

SPEAKER_00

So if a family were to say, I want to adopt and the hosting program is over, then we sign them up for the program. They go through the process just like any other family who wants to adopt from that program, and they have to go through the approvals. It's not just a definite yes, it's an approval process. Um, typically the government entity will be informed that that family's interested in adopting, but you know, they have to go through the approvals, they have to do the things just like any other family. So sometimes it may be said, not for this specific child. You're not the right fit.

Tracy Whitney

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

But other times it could be said, yes, if you would like to adopt this child, you can. There again, some of that is the agency helping determine what's in the best interest of the child based on the information we have, but it's also the government entity is making the final decision and approving it.

Tracy Whitney

So a long time ago, when we adopted, we had to sign something, I can't remember what it was called, that said that we didn't have prior interaction with or knowledge or relationship with the child that we've been matched to. I'm assuming that families that participate in the host program that that's off the table for them. They don't have to sign anything like that because of the hosting program.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. And actually, we have to get a letter. If they're coming internationally, we have to get a letter from the central authority in their country that says they approved that contact.

Tracy Whitney

Gotcha. Okay.

What is emotionally difficult for families after a child returns home while adoption decisions are pending?

Tracy Whitney

So what's one of the one or two of the uh things that are maybe most emotionally difficult for a family after the child has returned back to their home country or home agency while these adoption decisions are kind of pending?

SPEAKER_00

I think probably the most emotional is that for most countries, you're not going to have contact with that child. It's your contact is done.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And that's really, really hard because you might have you might feel like, hey, but I can keep encouraging them, I can support them. But we have to have permissions for you to have contact. If you're adopting, you're definitely not allowed to have contact until all the approvals are done.

Tracy Whitney

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Um, so that's probably for the family specifically, that's the hardest, but it's also the hardest for the child to understand. You know, we still will occasionally have host families reach out. I've had, and I, as being involved in the hosting program, have also experienced this with children I did not host, but they're approaching 18, 19, and all of a sudden they're reaching out to people they remember from that hosting experience. So now can I provide encouragement to them? Can I have contact with them? Yes, you can now. They're an adult, you can support them, not financially, but you know, encouraging and emotionally support them. And so, yeah, that's probably the hardest part for the families, but also for the children.

unknown

Right.

Are the children made aware of a potential adoption plan once hosting is over?

Tracy Whitney

Are the children made aware that early in the process that a family has stepped forward to say that they would like to adopt them?

SPEAKER_00

No, the children are not um told that a family would want to adopt them until after all the approvals are done by the agency and both governments.

Tracy Whitney

Okay.

What does a successful hosting experience look like from the child’s perspective?

Tracy Whitney

What does a successful hosting experience look like from the child's perspective?

SPEAKER_00

So from the child's perspective, they're going to feel safe, they're gonna feel respected, they're going to be um treated with kindness, they're still gonna have their identity honored, maybe even have the opportunity, which is awesome when you see it happen, but they bring their culture into the family, and the family continues with that food or that holiday, that cultural experience, even after.

Tracy Whitney

the child's gone but they have a the child feels cared for they have recognized that somebody found worth in them and that's where the child feels successful with the hosting experience so any opportunity a host family can take during that hosting program to affirm the child's preciousness and value and inherent worth helps build towards that successful program. Correct correct um that gets me a little choked up thinking about it.

What’s one thing you hope every prospective host family understands before beginning?

SPEAKER_00

What is one thing that you hope every prospective host family or host family that's considering hosting can understand about this program before they even reach out to an agency like Gladney so I think it's um it's an it's a great opportunity to offer stability and dignity to a young person a young person who may even recognize like I'm aging out of the system I'm getting there I'm getting close it's giving them compassion understanding their loss but understanding it is about the child it's not about the adults it's not about the governments it's it's about the child and giving that child the opportunity just to have that experience goes a long way I have met several children who have been on hosting experiences in other countries who never got adopted but when they find out I'm from the United States they're bringing their photo albums their letters from their host family because we encourage those kind of things as the preparation's happening so they can get to know them and they're saying this is what I did and now this is what I'm going to do.

Tracy Whitney

Like it gives them a hope for a future yeah yeah kind of sets a spark for what they can be and where they can go. Yes.

What countries are actively offering hosting programs?

Tracy Whitney

Well let's wrap up with a very practical perspective what countries are actively offering hosting programs so we know that Taiwan has a hosting program Colombia has a hosting program those are the ones that are probably the most active that you will hear about Ukraine used to have a very large hosting program but has not been able to do that for a while.

SPEAKER_00

Ecuador has talked about doing a hosting program so there's there's a couple of countries I think it's something that countries are still trying to figure out if it's the best fit for their kids. And that's what's important because they have to have the staff to prepare those children as well.

– How does a family find out if hosting programs are available through their state’s child welfare system?

Tracy Whitney

And how does a family find out if hosting programs are available in their state through the child welfare system I would say reach out to your local child welfare agency.

SPEAKER_00

They should be able to tell you and every county typically has one. So they should be able to provide that information to you.

Tracy Whitney

Well Misty thank you for your time and your wisdom and your compassion for these kids that are being considered for hosting programs and thank you for your commitment to preparing the family so well. I hope that families consider this as an option for their family and for the children that they hope to impact. And if they're interested they can reach out to you at Gladni.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you Tracy.

Tracy Whitney

Thank you for joining us