Should I Do DNA Testing for My Adopted Infant? - Weekend Wisdom

Question: Our daughter is 11 months old and was adopted through an open adoption. We have a relationship with her birth mother, but don't yet feel it's the right moment to ask about family history, and her birth father is completely unknown to us. We do know that both birth parents are Hispanic, but beyond that, we have no additional information about her heritage or background. We want her to grow up with as rich a sense of her identity and heritage as possible. What guidance do adoption professionals offer around using genetic testing like 23andMe or AncestryDNA for adoptees? Is there an age-appropriate time to do this, or is it better to wait and let her decide for herself when she's older? Are there any other considerations unique to the adoptee experience we should keep in mind?

Resources:

• Genetic Testing for Adoptees: Key Considerations and Benefits
• Genetic Testing for Adoptees - Is It Worth It?
• Genetic Testing and Genealogy for Adoptees

Listen here to learn more about our Executive Director, Linda Fiore

Transcript

Tracy Whitney 0:01

Hi, and welcome to Weekend Wisdom. My name is Tracy Whitney. I am the content director for Creating a Family, and I am also the host of your Weekend Wisdom podcasts that come out every Saturday morning. We're doing Weekend Wisdom today with a bit of a twist because we've asked our new executive director, Linda Fiori, to join us. She has some specific experience and expertise in this area, and we wanted to get her buy-in on the conversation. She has more than 20 years of experience in adoption and family services, including program director and executive director roles that span foster care, search and reunion services, and adoption support. She has served on multiple adoption councils and played a role in shaping adoption legislation, reflecting her dedication to advancing the field. She is passionate about supporting diverse family structures, including adoptees, birth parents, adoptive families, and relative caregivers. So welcome to Weekend Wisdom, Linda. We're so glad to have you today.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Thank you, Tracy. I'm really glad to be here.

Tracy Whitney 1:03

So we've got a question from Danielle. She wrote in and asked us about an infant adoption scenario. She said, our daughter is 11 months old and was adopted through an open adoption. We have a relationship with her birth mother, but don't yet feel it's the right moment to ask about family history, and her birth father is completely unknown to us. We do know that both birth parents are Hispanic, but beyond that, we have no additional information about her heritage or her background. We want her to grow up with as rich a sense of identity and heritage as possible. What guidance do adoption professionals offer around the use of genetic testing like 23andMe or ancestry DNA for adoptees? Is there an age-appropriate time to do this? Is it better to wait and let her decide for herself when she's older? Are there any other considerations unique to the adoptee experience that we should keep in mind? So, Linda, let's hear from you on your thoughts for this question from Danielle.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yes. Danielle, you ask a really great question. And as an adoption professional, we always hope that an adoptive parent really understands the importance of an adoptee having her story as much information as possible, and it's clear that you really care about providing that for her. Adoption is such a complex experience. So oftentimes adoptees navigate feelings of curiosity, but also some sense of lack of control over their situation. So it's really important to empower them to explore their roots more deeply at a pace that feels right for them. Some choose to explore this early on. They're very curious, they have a lot of questions. Some adoptees that I have worked with, they wait until they're in their 30s, some in their 50s, and others choose to not learn more. And all of that is okay. It's their decision. As for genetic testing, adoption professionals would suggest waiting until your daughter is older and can fully comprehend the implications of genetic testing. There is a lot of information from the testing, depending which route there could be medical, but it also opens them up to connections with potential birth relatives that they might not want. So waiting until she can choose this is what we believe is best. I think introducing the topic of genetic testing to her at some point is okay. It really shows her that there is a safe space for her to explore her roots. When an adoptive family is open about that and open about her options that she has, that adoptee feels empowered to explore and to ask questions. I also think it's great that there is an open adoption with the birth mother. You know, women choose adoption because they want what's best for their child and they understand that that goes beyond placement, that there are questions that she will have as she gets older. And it sounds like without knowing your story completely, that she is making herself available for some level of connection. And so I believe that it is okay to gather some questions, to present them to the birth mother and let her know that when she feels ready to answer some of these questions, that you would be appreciative of that, but that there's no pressure. And again, not knowing the situation completely, there are agencies that, if you, you know, if this was facilitated through an adoption agency, you can reach out to them for assistance and gathering information. They can act as an intermediary if you felt more comfortable doing that. But really, I think, you know, having these conversations with your daughter as she gets older, letting her know that this is a safe space for her to explore, but that you want her to do it at her own pace is what's most important.

Tracy Whitney 5:21

Thank you, Linda. That was really comprehensive. And it strikes me that in this um circumstances of an open adoption, the adoptive mom's job isn't just to create a safe space for her adopted child, but to expand that and also create a safe space for the birth parent so that these conversations can land well and have a strong, healthy foundation. That's great. Well, Danielle, thank you for writing in and asking this question. I hope it helps. And I hope that if you have further questions, you feel continually free to uh write in and ask us. We're always interested in talking about these topics with our families. Listeners, if today's conversation resonated with you and uh hit home for you, please feel free to drop us some fan mail. It would be the link in the YouTube show notes or a link on your podcast player so that you can just reach out and let us know what hit home for you, how we did with the answer, what you think, um, or what worked for your family. We'd love to hear from you. And thank you all for being here today. I look forward to talking to you all next week.