Raising Kids, Caring for Parents

Raising kids while caring for aging parents is more common than ever—and often overwhelming. We talk with Robyn Wind, the GRAND Voices Support Coordinator for the National Center on Grandfamilies at Generations United, about the realities of sandwich generation caregiving and practical ways foster, adoptive, and kinship families can find support. 

In this episode, we discuss:

• Can we start with a working definition of the term “sandwich generation”?
• How have you seen that definition evolve in recent years? 
• From your work with the National Center on Grandfamilies and Generations United, what are you seeing right now that suggests this is becoming a bigger issue? 
• What are the most common pressures you hear caregivers talk about?
• Where do you see caregivers feeling the most “pulled apart” between generations for whom they are caring? What are the moments when they feel like they can’t meet everyone’s needs at once?
• Are there differences in how this shows up for: 
  • Parents of young children vs. teens? 
  • Kinship caregivers or grandparents raising grandchildren? 
• Many of our listeners are already parenting children with trauma or complex needs. How does that layer onto sandwich caregiving? 
• Do you see unique challenges for kinship caregivers who may already be caring for grandchildren and are now also caring for aging spouses or siblings? 
• What are some ways systems unintentionally fail these families? Where do they tend to fall through the cracks? 
• What would better support look like if systems were truly designed for multigenerational families? 
• What are the early signs that a caregiver is stretched too thin and at risk?
• What does realistic self-care actually look like in this season of life? 
• How do you advise the caregivers you support to balance guilt or feelings of inadequacy, given that there is SO much need on both sides of their sandwich?
• What supports should caregivers try to put in place early? 
• How can families share this sandwich-caring experience more effectively, instead of having one person carry it all? 
• What resources or programs from Generations United should caregivers know about? 
• What strengths do you see in sandwich generation families that we don’t talk about enough? 

Resources:

• 'Sandwich generation' caregivers caught between two generations in need
• Caring for Those Who Are Caring for Everyone: The Sandwich Generation 
• Generations United
• Grandfamilies.org
• GKSNetwork.org
• Grandfamilies & Kinship University - Generations United

Transcript

Tracy Whitney 0:01

Hello and welcome to Creating a Family. Talk about adoption, foster care, and kinship care. My name is Tracy Whitney. I am the content director for Creating a Family and your host for this podcast as well as our other podcast that's a very short, practical, advice-driven podcast that drops every Saturday. So we hope you'll take a minute to listen to Weekend Wisdom as well as enjoy the conversation that we're going to have here today in this format. My guest today is Robin Wynn. She is the Grand Voices Support Coordinator at the National Center on Grand Families. She provides coordination and support to Generation United's national network of family and grandfamily caregivers. Prior to joining Generations United, Robin worked for about 15 years in Indian child welfare, primarily in foster care leadership. She has served for several years as the chair of the Oklahoma Indian Child Welfare Association's Substitute Care Committee. She has been a grand voice for Generations United now for four years and is also a caregiver for her grandchild and her mother. She's living in Oklahoma and holds tribal citizenship within the Muscogee Creek Nation. So we're thrilled to have you here with us today, Robin. Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Hi, Tracy. Thanks

Can we start with a working definition of the term “sandwich generation”?

SPEAKER_01 1:22

for having me.

Tracy Whitney 1:23

So we're talking today about sandwich caregivers. And so let's start with a working definition of what the sandwich generation is.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Yes, ma'am. My understanding is that the definition of the term sandwich generation is those of us who are caring for children as well as caring for elderly relatives or friends. So we're stuck right in the middle.

Tracy Whitney 1:48

Gotcha.

How have you seen that definition evolve in recent years?

Tracy Whitney 1:49

And how have you seen that definition evolve in the years that you've been working with these organizations?

SPEAKER_01 1:56

So I come from a tribal community and caring for elders and our children is just something that we do. So I didn't really realize that it was a thing. Being a sandwich generation was a thing, right? But then, you know, as I've done this for longer, I realized that, you know, there's there's a lots and lots of people who are doing this. So I feel like that, you know, as more people, maybe of my generation are having to do this, there's more awareness.

Tracy Whitney 2:26

So you've seen awareness increase, which I guess is a good thing for people to know what's going on. Right. Or to know that they're part of the sandwich. Yeah.

From your work with the National Center on Grandfamilies and Generations United, what are you seeing right now that suggests this is becoming a bigger issue?

Tracy Whitney 2:37

So from your work with the National Center on Grandfamilies and Generations United, what are you seeing right now that tells you that this is becoming indeed a bigger population or a bigger issue for both populations?

SPEAKER_01 2:52

You know, most of my work for Generations United and our National Center on Grandfamilies has to deal with kinship caregiver advocates and kinship caregiving. So with working with hundreds of our grandvoices and other kinship caregivers, I know that there's a pretty good, you know, population of people who are, you know, doing both. We're caring for our grandchildren, our other relatives, and you know, or maybe our parents. And it feels like as the economy may not be as great as it once was, that seems to be a little bit more prevalent and people are paying attention.

Tracy Whitney 3:30

So economy issues, um, demographics and and our aging population that's not being replaced by the younger generation, or maybe families moving away from each other and needing to readjust and and figure out how to manage both sides of the equation.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Yes, ma'am. And they're, you know, like I said, I I come from a tribal community, so you know, we it's just a thing we do. We take care of each other. Um, but you know, other families separate or they move across the country to work, and and then there's the issue of trying to figure out how to provide care for someone who's two or three states away.

Tracy Whitney 4:07

Right, right.

What are the most common pressures you hear caregivers talk about?

Tracy Whitney 4:09

So what are some of the common pressures that you hear caregivers in this in the middle of the sandwich um expressing?

SPEAKER_01 4:18

There's a lot, but there's also there's a lot of cons, but there's also a lot of pros. So some of the pressures would be, you know, just for me, it was exhaustion. And I kind of got thrown into this situation quickly. So just trying to figure out how to navigate your loved ones' care in addition to your grandchild's care or your child's care, everyone's doctor's appointments, you know, there's also um, you know, financial issues. There's there's a lot. And and in all of that, there's you know, your own health. You have to take care of yourself so that you're able to care for others. So finding a balance within all of that is, you know, pretty difficult, especially if you're trying to work full-time. It's just it's it's a lot.

Tracy Whitney 5:12

Yeah. So emotional load, physical load, health loads, resource loads, financial loads, logistics, getting everybody to where they need to be for therapies and rehab and all those things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

And you know, there's you can forget about personal time. Because your personal time is limited. Yeah. Not necessarily in my family, but you know, in many families, there are family conflicts. Um, people someone might decide that this, you know, maybe memory care is the best option for their loved one, while, you know, maybe a sibling decides that that's not the best option. So there's many.

Tracy Whitney 5:56

Yeah.

Where do you see caregivers feeling the most “pulled apart” between generations for whom they are caring?

Tracy Whitney 5:57

So where are the kind of the pain points where you see these caregivers feeling maybe the most pulled apart or the most like they have to choose?

SPEAKER_01 6:07

I think a lot of that is the physical and emotional exhaustion and the stress and mental load because it these other things like financial issues and you know, making and keeping doctors' appointments and trying to figure out what the plan of care is, not only for your loved one, but you know, your your child too, your grandchild or your own personal children, you know, that all kind of ties into the physical and emotional exhaustion. And it it's very tiring and um there's constant demands and little downtime.

Tracy Whitney 6:41

Yeah. I heard one um caregiver phrase it as competing needs. Yes. So my parents have needs and my children have needs, and I have needs, and they're all competing, none of them are collating. Right. Yeah, yeah. So um do you hear a lot about guilt or divided loyalties or kind of feeling like these caregivers are feel failing both sides of the sandwich?

SPEAKER_01 7:10

I do hear that. And children need your full attention and they need your, you know, because you are the person who's gonna to to, you know, you're raising them and they're you're teaching them how to be little people. And while your your parent or relative has already lived their life, but many people feel very close to their their parent or relative and they don't want to let those parents or relatives down. So you kind of have to figure out, you know, how you're gonna do it and who's who's more important. For me, for me, it's my grandchildren.

Tracy Whitney 7:45

Yeah, kind of uh doing that risk cost, that cost risk assessment of I can let this need table for a little while. I need to deal with this need first, and the table might flip and I might be able to, you know, put my child off for a little bit and then get to my parents' needs. All the pressures that go into that, it's you you said it well at the beginning, that emotional load can be so aggressive, for lack of a better word. Yeah. So um,

How is sandwich caregiving different for parents of young children vs. parents of teenagers?

Tracy Whitney 8:17

how does this maybe show up for a parent of a young child versus a parent of a teenager who's then also caring for an elderly family member?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Well, you know, young children need a lot of attention. They so with us, you know, my grandson is 12 now, but he's he's very active in sports. So uh just as an example, you know, last um fall we were at a football game that he'd been, you know, this was his arch rival. And and then I get a call from emergency services that they'd taken my mother back to the hospital because she was lonely, or you know, she called 911 and they wanted me to come get her then from the hospital. So, you know, it's hard to explain to to my grandson why I have to miss his big play because I have to go pick up my mother who didn't really understand why she was why she does some of the things that she does. But you know, with my older grand granddaughters, my oldest one is 16, you know, they understand and they they have seen, you know, my mother what she was like before her dementia really set in. So they kind of get it and they kind of understand. But it's it's more difficult to explain to a younger child what the issue is, and then explain why you have to care for both of them at the same time when grandma is, you know, grandma's grown, she should be able to take care of herself.

Tracy Whitney 9:48

Right. And a child's perspective, right? That's a great point because a child's perspective is very inward focused. Right. It's my play. I want my mommy here, I want my grandmommy here, and that's what I want. And so I think that's what I should get. And they don't necessarily understand the that there's a way bigger perspective that you in the middle are trying to balance all the time. That's well said. Hey listeners, is this conversation about stretching yourself between two generations resonating with you? Do you feel like you need a safe place to connect with others who are in the same shoes that you're in? We'd love it if you would join our online community at facebook.com slash groups slash creating a family for opportunities to learn and grow with other members who are representing all facets of the adoptive, foster, and kinship caregiving relationships. And if you know someone else who's a sandwich caregiver, please tell them about today's episode and share the link from our site or wherever else you get your favorite podcasts. Thanks so much, and we'll let you get back to the interview.

Many of our listeners are already parenting children with trauma or complex needs. How does that layer onto sandwich caregiving?

Tracy Whitney 11:03

Many of our listeners are already parenting children who've experienced trauma or other complex needs as kinship caregivers. So, how does that layer into the already existing pressures of sandwich generation caregiving with elderly family members?

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Since many of us, the reason we are caring for our children is because of, you know, there's some reason. There's some sort of trauma has happened or some sort of disruption. Sometimes when there is, you know, when you're you begin caring for an elderly caregiver that that maybe has dementia, it's like it's magnified on both ends. Right. So I I feel like you know, those traumas and things can be magnified because they don't understand what's going on. Um, and and then you have to you have to factor in, you know, well, you might have therapy with your your grandchild, but you also have to be at home because the you know, the nurse is coming to the house.

unknown 12:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

So it's it's like juggling five or six different balls. Is that making sense?

Tracy Whitney 12:12

Yes, it does. And kids who've had traumatic experiences are not always patient with the waiting for the attention that they need from their caregivers. They're not always able to transition between activities very well. So sometimes it takes a little longer to get them out the door for therapy, and you're on a tight timeline. So you've got to get to therapy and back before the nurse shows up. I I get what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Because all those parts of trauma that impact our kids then also impact all the other decisions that we make.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Right. And just in our situation, you know, there there was a lot of uh trauma with my grandson, but you know, my mother just honestly was not the best mother. So I had to make a conscious decision that, you know, he saw her act, you know, off and kind of a little violent once, one time. And I had to make the decision that it is more important for him to feel safe and cared for and loved and nurtured than it is for her to, you know, to whether it was because of her her brain issues or not, than it was for her to feel better because she could throw a fit because she couldn't find the right purse.

Tracy Whitney 13:26

Right. So And that goes back to that emotional low that you were talking about, because you're facing making decisions that you never pictured yourself making and many times don't even feel equipped to make. Right. But when the rubber meets the road and you have to choose, the child's safety, of course, is the priority then. Yeah.

What are some ways systems unintentionally fail these families? Where do they tend to fall through the cracks?

Tracy Whitney 13:46

So when you are looking at kind of the system that's supporting all the systems that are supporting all of these things, caring for a grandchild who's experienced trauma, caring for an elderly parent who's, you know, maybe sliding into dementia or is, you know, dealing with mobility issues or any of those things. How do you see the ways that the systems around us in our communities unintentionally are failing the caregivers in the middle?

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Okay, well in preparation for our talk today, I just decided to Google the sandwich generation. And so when I did, this is what I got. It said, caregivers in the sandwich generation, or those caring for aging parents while also supporting children, have access to a wide range of financial, practical, emotional, and workplace resources in the United States. Well, I don't know who those caregivers are, but that definitely wasn't my experience. You know, what I have found to be most helpful to me is community resources. So, you know, there are big national organizations like Caregiveraction.org and AARP that are really helpful and they've got great guides. But for me personally, and living in Oklahoma and in a rural area, you know, the local and community supports were the were the most helpful to me. Like we had meals on wheels come in, or and the area agency on aging was helpful. But issues that we're running into now is that there are funding cuts. So it's very hard to find assistance or you know, even which direction to be pointed in. And that's that's not just, you know, caregivers, it's also, you know, the social workers that work in the hospitals or that are dealing with insurance issues now. So it's just it's a lot.

Tracy Whitney 15:43

Yeah. So funding funnels down to actual resources and actual staffing and people like that. So those are ways that there's things are falling through the cracks that, of course, these systems that are set up have, you know, wonderful intentions, but the unintentional consequence of the bigger systematic changes trickle down to having a hard time finding respite care, having a hard time finding meal support, having a hard time finding education to help you prepare for your grandchild's educational needs. How do you advocate for them and things like that? So, yeah, I hear that. I actually hear that from a lot of kinship caregivers in general, even if they're not caring for elderly family members, they're still having a hard time accessing the rubber meets the road kind of resources that they need.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Agreed. And not all of us are 55 and over. Right. You know, so we don't have sometimes we don't have access to some of the things that the area agencies on aging have.

Tracy Whitney 16:45

Right. Right. That's a great point. Thank you for bringing that up.

What would better support look like if systems were truly designed for multigenerational families?

Tracy Whitney 16:50

If you could craft an ideal system, um, what would better support look like for these multi-generational families that are kind of doing both ends of the spectrum?

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Well, of course, funding, but I I feel like communities know how best to take care of our own. Um, so that may be, you know, more involvement that includes that could be, you know, more activities. Um, for example, maybe some of the elders might be interested in going fishing that day. And there may be children who would like to learn how to fish, right? So just more activities, more funneling and more more um pouring into their communities because you know, someone who lives in my mom's small community south of Tulsa is more likely to, you know, help her build a ramp into her home than someone who, you know, works at the state government in Oklahoma City, right?

Tracy Whitney 17:50

Or the national organizations. Right. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. So community-based care for the elderly and for the children and for the people in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Yes.

Tracy Whitney 18:01

Yeah. Where can families find that community-based care?

SPEAKER_01 18:06

So, like I mentioned before, my best resources were contacting my local area or agency on aging, and they were able to, you know, give me, they have lists, or, you know, 211 works great too when I, you know, because I didn't I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do. Most days.

Tracy Whitney 18:26

We're all learning as we go.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

So, you know, and there's so that that was with my mother, but also there are a lot of there's are a lot more community agencies that help with children, you know, mental health services, who we we all need that. It's important for the caregivers to make sure that they have what they need as far as physical and mental health.

Tracy Whitney 18:49

So your area agency on aging, um, uh caseworkers at the school in the school district can be great resources. Um, your pediatrician's office can be a great resource.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Also, if you live in a community where um there's a strong tribal presence, our tribal program, there there's a wealth of tribal programs depending upon where you live. A lot of people forget about um tribes and also there are certain organizations within the community, like um religious communities. And sometimes it just takes, well, almost all the time, it takes, you know, just your time to be able to gather up these resources to help you get through what you need to get through.

Tracy Whitney 19:31

Yeah. Time to sit and search up veterans organizations and local um community clubs and things like that that have that focus on supporting families. Um, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, boys and girls clubs, big brothers, big sisters, any of those kinds of organizations are connected to other organizations. And so if that's if that first phone call isn't going to be your first stop, they may be able to send you on the way to someone else who can help you. So again, it's that time, which you said at the very beginning, none of us have when we're in the middle of caring for elderly parents and young children or children in the home.

What are the early signs that a caregiver is stretched too thin and at risk?

Tracy Whitney 20:11

But you brought up something that is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and you mentioned self-care. We talk a lot here at Creating a Family about self-care. We talk about secondary trauma stress, burnout, all those things. In your experiences working with these grandfamilies and um the multi-generational caregivers, what are some of the early signs that a caregiver is stretched too thin and is at risk of burnout or secondary trauma stress?

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Sure. I think some of the earliest time are signs would be, you know, just exhaustion. That's that's the first thing. Or, you know, if you're a planner, being unable to to have the time to plan. And also probably one of the very first things that happened is, you know, your health is you start getting colds or your allergies just are extra bad, or yeah, you know, just forgetfulness, those, those sorts of things.

Tracy Whitney 21:08

Yeah.

What does realistic self-care actually look like in this season of life?

Tracy Whitney 21:09

So what does realistic self-care look like for this season of life when you're in between the sandwich?

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Well, what I would like to say is that, you know, we all have access to the care that we need ourselves, both, you know, medical and and mental and behavioral health, but that's not always the case. So what has helped me and some others is, you know, I'm not the best planner. So I have to have like, you know, a plan and I have to have a routine and every, you know, have to have the week planned out to know exactly who's gotta be where when, including myself. So that that's been the biggest help that I have heard of. Now I'm sure there's plenty of others, but that's the biggest thing is. Is so that I can at least sit and look and see, okay, this is next. And, you know, I have to be sure and be asleep by 10 o'clock tonight because we have to be at the hospital at seven in the morning, you know.

Tracy Whitney 22:12

So planning is a tool for self-care. Um I would recommend that if you struggle in any of those areas, planning or um holding yourself accountable to, you know, resting, exercising, eating healthy, all those things. Find a buddy in your life who is somebody that is good at those things. And chances are, if you're not skilled in those things, then you do have at least one person in your life that you're close to who is, because as they say, opposites attract. And it's it's good to just share back and forth. And you may be able to offer something to that person who's you know struggling in an area, but finding people in your life around you that can help you, none of us should be doing this alone, first of all. So getting that support network around you, but second of all, scheduling it and planning it, whether you need help to do that or not, holds you to the calendar. And so just like you would treat your grandchild's therapy session as an appointment that you can't break, then you can learn and train yourself how to, you know, have that 30-minute meditation session or yoga session or journaling session that you hold as an appointment for yourself that you won't break.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Yes. And I think also it's important to set boundaries and know, you know, when it's okay to say no. Or I have a hard time doing that. Yeah. Other than, you know, planning and staying organized, take and taking breaks, asking for help. And then, you know, I have I'm blessed to have um, you know, a small farm. So we have animals, and I'm I'm telling you, 10 years ago, there's no way I would have walked outside just to watch a chicken scratch in the dirt. But it's just finding small things that give you joy.

Tracy Whitney 24:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

I like to paint even though I'm awful at it. So if I can take 30 minutes to paint and not think about anything else, that's great.

Tracy Whitney 24:14

Yeah, that's great. All very practical suggestions, and I love

How do you advise the caregivers you support to balance guilt or feelings of inadequacy, given that there is SO much need on both sides of their sandwich?

Tracy Whitney 24:18

that. Um, how do you advise the caregivers that you're supporting in your role to balance the feelings of guilt or inadequacy or any of those difficult emotional loads that we mentioned earlier? When there's so much need on both sides, how do you tell them to start the balancing process?

SPEAKER_01 24:38

So I think the most important thing is to find someone who is in a similar situation. Whether you can find a support group or I'm I'm fortunate that with working with the grandvoices, I have so many who are who are going through the same thing I am, whether it be with my grandchildren or you know, the death of my son, or you know, caring for my my mom. Just finding someone who has a a similar situation. And and a lot of times just listen to you, or they might have you know more insight on resources you can access as well. So that that is what I always advocate for starting with is find other people like you.

Tracy Whitney 25:22

So that's a good small starting point. And I love that because it's unless there's really extreme circumstances going on, it usually isn't that hard to find someone else who's going through something similar to what you're going through. So that's a great point.

What supports should caregivers try to put in place early?

Tracy Whitney 25:39

But what are the other supports that caregivers should start putting into place when they are when they're feeling or when they're identifying, oh, maybe I am in this sandwich generation and I'm getting kind of pressed by the two sides of the sandwich. What are kind of some other important supports they can look for?

SPEAKER_01 25:57

Well, I'm fortunate that I have a close relationship with my physician. So, you know, oftentimes if I don't notice it, he can he notices, Robin, your blood pressure's up. Or so there are other supports there of people who are in your life, like physicians or the community that you are

How can families share this sandwich-caring experience more effectively, instead of having one person carry it all?

SPEAKER_01 26:18

in.

Tracy Whitney 26:18

So earlier in our conversation, you mentioned that sometimes sibling relationships when caring for elderly family members can get a little dicey and challenging. What are some things that you suggest would help them share the load more effectively or be more productive in caring for both sides of the sandwich?

SPEAKER_01 26:40

So I think one of the most important things is having, you know, and working to build strong family bonds because you know that you are able to build and maintain those deep, meaningful relationships within all these generations. And sometimes, you know, like you said, my sibling may not think that what I think is the the best thing for her mother is memory care. So I I feel like, you know, having sit down and having a discussion if you can prior to, because you know in certain situations, you know, it's gonna end in a particular way, like for dementia. I I know that she is gonna be eventually unable to care for her own self.

unknown 27:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

So I think sitting down and having those hard discussions and understanding what you both expect and need from these discussions, and then I'm always like, have a plan.

Tracy Whitney 27:39

Yeah. So clear, transparent communication before things get to a crisis point, so that you have that to fall back on because you've worked so hard to establish and and maintain that bond. When a family is in a crisis and they are at a decision point and there's maybe some differences of opinion going on, um, what are some things that we can do to kind of de-escalate maybe any of the flamey feelings that are going on in that crisis to stay focused on the goal, whether it's the child in question or the elderly parent in question?

SPEAKER_01 28:22

I think keeping in mind ultimately that the big goal is to make sure that everyone has what they need and they're safe and cared for. So I know sometimes, especially when you're talking about care for an elderly relative, that you know, there's potential financial issues that might come in, or you know, somebody might not agree with someone's mom's house for her caregiving expenses because it was supposed to come to them. So I have found that, you know, the the planning, the legal planning plays a key role in trying to figure out what you're gonna do as far as what's gonna happen in the future. And that helps with making things very plain and very clear.

Tracy Whitney 29:03

And if you can, prior to the crisis, get the elderly parent involved in the conversation also. What are their wishes? What do they need from this conversation so that everybody can be working together? And we always suggest that anytime you're bringing a young person into your home in a care situation as a relative, you know what is the expectation for this relationship and what are the resources, who's going to be able to give what and support how, um, and having all that clear prior to the crisis as much as you possibly can. And I recognize that when we're dealing with bringing children into our homes, it isn't always a we're not able to do that prior to bringing the child home because often in a kinship relationship, these children are coming to us as a result of the crisis that is usually unexpected. However, when we are dealing with elderly parents or family members, maybe we see the decline coming, we see the lack of mobility coming, and we can talk about it in advance. One final interruption to let you know about our library of free courses. Thanks to the partnership with the Jockey Being Family Foundation that Creating in Family enjoys, we can offer you 15 free online courses. You can take one, two, or all of them. And they're all aimed at strengthening your family in whatever stage and age and life season your family is at. You can find those courses at bitly slash JBF Support. That's B-I-T.ly slash JBF Support. And as I said, you can take one or two or all 15 to strengthen your family and support you in this season of sandwich caregiving. And that's the last interruption, so we'll get back to the interview now.

What resources or programs from Generations United should caregivers know about?

Tracy Whitney 31:00

What are some of the resources or programs that Generations United offers that caregivers in that sandwich can should know about uh for their family?

SPEAKER_01 31:12

So Generations United has we have like three umbrellas, right? So we do you know, we do have the National Center on Grand Families, which is the our kinship care part. We have the National Grand Families and Kinship Technical Assistance Unit, and then also our gener intergenerational programming. So on GU.org, there are, I tried to just kind of narrow it down, but there are so many resources that you can get in there and connect to different resources nationwide and also in your communities and state or on the ground. So it's difficult to narrow that down.

Tracy Whitney 31:54

If you go to GU.org, you'll see they've got a directory where you can find resources by state. They have topics that you can search for. Um, the search engine. I've used it many times for the resources that I'm looking for. The search function on GU.org is quite robust and very helpful. And families will find a lot of resources, some of which they didn't even know they needed.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Right.

Tracy Whitney 32:20

Uh help them find what they're looking for.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

We also have grandfamilies.org. So you can get on there and and look through there, and there's just so many things. Also, I want to mention that we have a new program that we just rolled out. It's called Um Grandfamilies and Kinship University. And it's it's a national leadership and community impact program for kinship caregivers raising children.

Tracy Whitney 32:42

Oh, great. Send me the link for that and I'll make sure we include it in the show notes. Sure. Yeah, that'd be great. Um,

What strengths do you see in sandwich generation families that we don’t talk about enough?

Tracy Whitney 32:49

and then as we're kind of wrapping up the conversation here, I would love to end on a positive note. What are some of the strengths that you see in these families, the the big families that have caregiving going on at the early start of life, in the middle of life, and then towards the end of life?

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Oh, so there's so much, right? So I mentioned before the strong family bonds. And I'm telling you, it you you do get to build deep and meaningful relationships with all within all of these generations, and that just keeps you keeps your family healthier and stronger together. But also for me, there's a sense of like purpose and fulfillment. And some people get a strong, I feel a strong sense of pride when, you know, helping their loved ones. And it's satisfying, no, and especially when you look at, you know, you look at your if you're raising your grandchildren, you know, the the difference that you've made in their lives from the time that you've got them to to now, or being part of a tribal community, you know, it's passing down traditions is extremely rewarding for me. And then also I think there are some instances of growth, like emotional growth. You learn or develop more patience and definitely develop more resilience, right? And then watching different facets and generations of your family interact really, you know, can bring joy and perspective to just simple things that you're doing every day. For some people, there's you know, financial savings, you know, maybe your your mother that you're caring for can help you with childcare, or you know, you can be able to consolidate. For some people, that helps. And then also I think um the main thing is keeping families close together. The more people you have around a child that loves them, the better it is, just the better day it is, you know.

Tracy Whitney 34:49

Yeah, and I would say that that's true also then of the elderly parent or relative who's facing, you know, a brand new stage of life, that it gives them purpose, it gives them that sense of community and connection and and getting to see their legacy, you know, living right out in front of them is can be a really beautiful strength. And I think anytime we have the opportunity to expose our kids to multi-levels of generations, uh, it's so good for them because it develops their perspective that it's not just all about them, that there's so much more that they're anchored into.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

Right. And, you know, as an example or a couple of examples, you know, my mother forgets most things, but she remembers that there there was a new baby born a couple of months ago. She remembers his name, she remembers how much he weighed, you know, she remembers those things. And then I I try to make it a point to help my my grandchildren and and uh my children understand that they are the results of the hopes and dreams of the people that came before them and their families, right? So everything that that our grandparents and great-grandparents and other ancestors went through to get to where we are now. Yeah, those children are the are the result of that. So yeah.

Tracy Whitney 36:14

Yeah, and that's such a beautiful way for a child to view themselves, but also be viewed by the other adults around them. Yeah. Well, Robin, thank you so much for spending some time with us today to talk about the sandwich generation and being a sandwich caregiver, kind of being stuck in the middle of, you know, raising children and, you know, supporting and caring for elderly relatives, parents. It's a very heavy emotional load, but as you so eloquently pointed out, there's some beautiful joys and strengths to it also. We will list in our show notes for the listeners the resources and links to Generations United and the other affiliated organizations. And we want to say thank you again for your time with us today.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Thank you so much, Tracy.