The Power of Showing Up for Families Before They Fall Apart

What if families had support before a crisis led to foster care? In this episode, we talk with Dr. David Anderson, psychologist and founder and executive director of SAFE Families for Children, about a community-based model that helps keep children safe while supporting parents through difficult seasons. Dr. Anderson also serves as Executive Director of Lydia Home Association in Chicago and has been recognized as an Ashoka Fellow and Prime Movers Fellow.

In this episode, we discuss:

• For someone new to SAFE Families, how would you explain what it is?
• Can you share a little about yourself and what drew you to create SAFE Families?
• Who are the families you serve, and what situations bring them to you?
• Why is a program like SAFE Families especially needed right now?
• What happens to families when this kind of support isn’t available?
• How is SAFE Families different from traditional foster care?
• What kinds of training and screening do volunteers undergo?
• What support do volunteers receive along the way?
• What are the main ways people can get involved?
• Can you share a story or two that captures the impact of SAFE Families?
• What do families or volunteers often say after being part of this?
• Who tends to be a great fit for this kind of role?
• What hesitations do you hear most, and what would you say to those concerns?
• If one of our listeners is interested in serving this community, what’s the first step to get involved?
• For a parent or caregiver listening today who feels underwater or overwhelmed, what encouragement can you offer?

Transcript

Tracy Whitney 0:01

Welcome to Creating a Family. Talk about adoption, foster care, and kinship care. I'm Tracy Whitney, your host for today's conversation about safe families, what the program is, who it serves, and how listeners can get involved in the work of preserving and protecting families in your region. Our guest today is Dr. David Anderson. He is a psychologist and the founder and executive director of Safe Families for Children. He also serves as the executive director of Lydia Home Association in Chicago and has been recognized as a social entrepreneur and a social movement leader. So welcome, Dr. Anderson. We're so glad that you joined us today, and we're looking forward to hearing all about Safe Families.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yeah, well, thank you so much for having me here. I really appreciate it.

Tracy Whitney 0:45

It's our pleasure. Let's dive

For someone new to SAFE Families, how would you explain what it is?

Tracy Whitney 0:47

in. So for somebody who's new to Safe Families for Children, can you tell us what it is?

SPEAKER_01 0:53

So I would say we create extended families for those who don't have it. And what we do is we recruit volunteers who host children, support parents, all the things that, if I, you know, am parenting, if I need to go to hospital, I'd ask my relatives, can you take my kids for a while while I get back on my feet? And that's what we've tried to create.

Tracy Whitney 1:17

That's fantastic.

Can you share a little about yourself and what drew you to create SAFE Families?

Tracy Whitney 1:19

Tell us a little bit about yourself and what kind of drew you to create this organization.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

So my dad was a bricklayer and I was going to be a bricklayer. And all of a sudden he said, Dave, whatever you do, don't be a bricklayer. But I learned a lot while working for him on the job. And he would hire all these men who had just gotten out of prison. And finally I said, Dad, why in the world do you hire these guys who just got out of prison? There's plenty of people who could be bricklayers. And he said to me, if I don't help them, who will? And that was just something that became part of my DNA when I was very young. This idea that as a society, we have a responsibility to help those that need help. And so I was involved in ministry. I was a pastor and I was a missionary overseas and micronesia and things like that. But then when I returned, I decided to become a psychologist. And my focus really was in the area of foster care, child abuse, child abuse prevention, and things like that. And I became a psychologist with the initial focus was assessing children who have been horribly harmed to determine what the psychological impact of their harm had been, and then testifying on their behalf. So I was very moved by, you know, all that happens to kids that have been traumatized before they get into foster care and felt like, man, I wish I could do something about it. So that's really the beginning of how I started to think about, say, families.

Tracy Whitney 2:57

What a great story. And so many parallels between laying bricks and creating good foundations for a house and bricks laying foundation for children. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Very true. Yes.

Tracy Whitney 3:11

That's great. So

Who are the families you serve, and what situations bring them to you?

Tracy Whitney 3:12

tell us about the families that you serve and what kinds of situations bring them to safe families for children.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Well, the one that really got us started, I was working at Mount Sinai Hospital doing evaluations of children. They would come for five days. And there's a little girl who came and she was five, and she happened to be the same age as my daughter. And her arm was broken, her retina was detached, and her brain was beginning to swell. And so my job was to determine what happened to her. And I, and uh, she didn't really care to talk about it. But when I met the mom, the mom said, you know, I grew up in foster care. I, you know, aged out. My foster parents no longer wanted to do any have anything to do with me because I wasn't, they weren't getting paid anymore. My parents' rights were terminated. I ended up becoming pregnant, and I'm trying to raise a child with no family support in my life. I was working. If I were to lose, if I were to miss one more day of work, I would have lost my job. And so I asked my ex-boyfriend if he could care for my daughter while I went to work. And then this is what happened. She said, I didn't know he went back to drugs, and this is what happened to my daughter. She ended up losing custody of her child, uh, partly because of me. But I started the thing, and I'm kind of haunted by it because her only mistake is that she had no one else to call when things were going bad. And that's really because maybe because a girl was my daughter's age and I it just hit me hard. I started to think about, you know, she really didn't do anything wrong technically. It's just that she had no resources to help her out at a critical time. And as a psychologist, I was working in child welfare and foster care, and I realized that the majority of families that go into the system are because of that. They don't really have anyone to call, bad things happen, you know, lose a job, whatever, and then they don't have the resources to reach out for help. And that's when I began to think about can we create a movement of people who are willing to come alongside someone and be like extended family to someone else who doesn't have anyone to reach out to.

Tracy Whitney 5:29

So when you say resources, tell us what you mean when when a family doesn't have resources.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Well, I I think, you know, I mean, we we served I someone said 86,000 families. There's stories of of families that are in difficult situations. So for us, would say families, it could be almost anything, right? Any trouble that someone has. But typical ones are really people that have uh lost their housing, uh, not because of anything they did, but maybe their landlord didn't pay, you know, their mortgage or whatever, and are, you know, end up being in the car or they don't have anyone to stay with, or um, many living in a car, right? And they end up taking their kids with them. And they realize that's not really a great thing, right? To have your kids sleep in a car with you, um, but they didn't have anything else to do. So those are situations where people don't have places to live, they don't have work. Many of them are like have medical issues and need to go to hospital and there's no one to take care of their kids. Some of them people struggle with mental health issues and need to get some treatment, but they need someone to watch out, you know, watch their kid. Um, so it's really almost any reason you could think of.

Why is a program like SAFE Families especially needed right now?

Tracy Whitney 6:49

So why is a program like Safe Families especially important right now?

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Well, I'm sure most of you, I'm sure you're aware that um the Surgeon General identified social isolation as a leading social health problem, community health problem in the United States. And actually, that 40% of parents are struggling with isolation, not having enough resources or support to help them be what their kids need them to be. And so now is really probably some of the most urgent times when we as a society need to mobilize and come alongside families in our communities that are struggling and that need our help. And for us with Safe Families, we help them in really any way a volunteer can do it. Whether it's some take in kids and be a host family for them, others are, we call them family friends, but just people that come alongside and are a good listening ear and want to support families and help them process decisions and things like that to resource friends, people who have a mattress or baby clothes or whatever. We we we what we say is there's a role for anyone to serve at whatever capacity they're able and willing to do it.

Tracy Whitney 8:16

So you mentioned the social isolation. I'm I'm thinking several generations ago, our grandparents, for example, grew up in little enclaves where relatives didn't move that far away. They were often on the same block, or like in my family situation, I can think of my mom's side of the family where all of her relatives lived within the same few blocks of this section of their city. And so if they needed childcare, they had an aunt or an uncle or a cousin that could help. If they needed somebody to run to the grocery store for them while the baby was napping, they had help with that. They had lots of physical resources at their disposal. And certainly that has changed with how transient our nation has become. People moving away for jobs that nobody thought to do that back then. So it's interesting, you know, how some of the positive changes across culture have also created new problems.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

And I think, you know, communities are different. You know, I think we used to have front porches and people would hang out on the front porch and wave to each other and connect and things like that. And, you know, there are communities where people don't even know their neighbors and don't have those relationships. And I think it it has created significant difficulty. You know, obviously, clearly with our older population is feeling isolated as well, but it really seems to be hitting the families really hard. And the difficulty is that I don't believe, and I'm a psychologist, I'm a father, I'm an adoptive parent, I'm a foster parent. I'm I don't believe that we're created to do it all ourselves. And there are so many times, even when you know our kids were young, we would call my sister, oh, my kid won't go to sleep. Do you have any suggestions? Or, you know, I'm really struggling because you know, the my child won't take a time out, and I'm just so frustrated, I don't know what to do. And and and people just need time and relationships to really process things. They don't always need to send their child somewhere else, right? It's just feeling like I'm doing this and I feel alone. And I I, you know, we we recruit foster parents, and I'm a foster parent. And I remember a child we had, and I just felt so alone, you know, where the child was struggling with, you know, clear, real issues related to his trauma and early childhood, maybe even some fetal alcohol syndrome stuff or whatever it was. And we were just struggling with how do we manage this one time. He said to my wife, he said, Um, that guy, Dave, he didn't call me you know dad or anything. That guy, Dave, he's a bad guy, and I think you should dump him, you know. And and but it was from his world was men were not good people, right? So he had these thoughts and ideas about who I was that I had the darndest time overcoming, and it was really kind of uh an isolating time, and I didn't have any other fathers or dads or other people to talk to about the struggle of wanting to be kicked out of my own home. And um, you know, and I think that's really when I think of safe families, we're really just trying to build connections and support for those who don't have it, and including those who are hosting and we're trying something new, really bringing safe families to support um foster families and grandparents raising grandkids and you know, with that same network, you know, and you know, because our intent is how do we keep families, whatever the family is, how do we keep them together and effective in being what those kids need them to be?

Tracy Whitney 12:25

Right. So,

What happens to families when this kind of support isn’t available?

Tracy Whitney 12:26

what happens to a family when they don't have access to something like safe families? What are you seeing for those that are kind of getting lost through the cracks?

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Well, I think unfortunately, why I started Safe Families was to help divert and prevent foster care. And not that, you know, I I run foster care, right? And not that it's bad, but it's that, you know, many systems are are too overwhelmed and there isn't enough resources. And the idea that I don't believe when foster care was created, it was meant to be that they are responsible for all the trouble children have in the United States, right? They have a role to play, but they can't do everything.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

And so unfortunately, we see families who don't have those relationships, don't have those connections, and then problems build up. Many of them are beyond their control, end up getting a hotline call, and then someone comes in and says, We don't think you're doing what your kids need you to be, so we're gonna remove them from you. And and some definitely need to be removed, no doubt about that. I used to do evaluations of children and were part of helping them be removed. But many, probably people would say 40% of kids who go into foster care now go in because of neglect. That means there's something in their environment that is creating problems, not necessarily poor parenting decisions or or um things like that. And I think it's those that are our target because the system isn't really designed to solve those neglect problems. So that's where I think we fit in.

How is SAFE Families different from traditional foster care?

Tracy Whitney 14:14

There's an overlap then with foster care and safe families. How is it different from foster care for those who are considering how to get involved? What makes safe families different than saying, Oh, I want to be a foster parent, which we also need. We also want families to know that there is a great need for foster families. But if fostering is not the path for your family, what what makes safe families different?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Yeah. Well, I think, I think even if we are foster parents and you know, our child we have goes home and you know, we're taking a break, and and many times a lot of foster parents will jump in and do both, right? Like, oh, I could take a safe family child, you know, or whatever. But a couple of things are different. One is we don't pay anybody, right? Every you know, we have, I don't know, even know how many five or 10,000 host families. Um, everybody does it for free. Nobody gets paid. So that's a big thing. Second is it's really short term, you know. Our average stay, I think we've done it 88,000 times, is probably um four weeks, four to six weeks. 98% of the kids go back to their foster, go back to their parents, or maybe grandma's writing now to take them, or something like that. So our intent is for the kids to go home. And the other challenge, both the strength and the and maybe some of the challenge that foster parents have a hard time with, is that parents place out of their free will, out of their choice. And so they could change their mind at any time. And I remember dealing with some foster parents who were used to, you know, having to stay behind them and forcing, you know, can't you force the parent to do this or can't you whatever? And and I'm like, no, we can't. We can suggest it, we can advise them to do it, we could say, you know, well, we can't continue unless you do this or whatever, but it's really the parents' choice and the parents will. And in actually, surprisingly, in most situations, or nearly all situations, parents eventually make the right decision and are doing the right thing. And we're not ending the relationship because of, you know, the parent is not doing the right thing and stuff. So so those are the big differences of the hosting part of it. The other thing that's important that we do is even if the child's in hosting, we recruit others to come alongside and be like uh, we call it a circle of support or a network of people around the parent because we want to address, you know, that parent should have someone to talk to if they have issues and they need support and maybe they need help in finding work or they need some other things. And so we create a network of people that are willing to come alongside the parent and help them out and provide, you know, for what they need.

Tracy Whitney 17:13

So there's mentoring and support and care for the parent who may have chosen to be a participant in the Safe Families program. There's support and care for the child in the Safe Families program. And then you're saying that also those who are doing the hosting, they're getting support and training and education and care to do the care.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yes. Yeah.

Tracy Whitney 17:39

So this voluntary kind of prevention-based model is kind of unique and different from what most people who are involved in adoption, foster care, and kinship care are familiar with. Do you see that this voluntary model does aid in prevention of involvement in the system?

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Yeah. Yeah. Well, a couple things. One is, you know, 2% of our situations end up going into foster care from the host family home. Okay. And in many times, you know, once if foster care is taken, the state will say, you know, can can the host families keep the kids and become fictive kin, or you know, is what the term really is, is you know, they have a pre-existing relationship. So in some ways, when that needs to happen, it's probably the best scenario because a child already has a relationship with the host family, the mom has a relationship with the host family and in the network. And it's really just, I mean, nothing really changes other than the parent doesn't have as as many rights as as they had before. And in some of those situations, it really ends up being very positive. And, you know, sometimes a parent can get back on their feet, and other times the state is saying, you know, will the host family adopt the kids and and stuff like that. So it's very um variable on how and how that would go.

Tracy Whitney 19:12

You said only 2% end up going on to foster care. That's phenomenal. That's family preservation at its best.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Yes, I would say, you know what's interesting? I've I've never I'll I'll probably never do this again, but we decided early on to do a massive randomized control evaluation. And it was shocking because the state of Illinois decided to randomize kids at the point of investigations, which is really unheard of, right? It's like you're randomizing kids to safe families versus business as usual at the point of when you're determining what's happening. And we were shown to be four times more effective than any other model and keeping kids safe, keeping them together with their families. And, you know, six months to a year later, they're still together because our host families and our volunteers, we have a beginning, but we don't really have any ending, right? Unless the parent wants it. There are kids that we are, my wife and I are involved with now that we met them when they were three and five, and then now 18, right? And they cut they still come over on Easter and Christmas and hang out with us. And if that mom's in trouble, we'll take her kids. And that's really the joy of it. It's long-term uh relationships that make a difference. But the thing that was so interesting is when I first came up with the idea, and I'm like, oh yeah, we're gonna mobilize a massive network of people. In Illinois, they said, first of all, it was illegal. And so they sent me the attorney general sent me a cease and desist order. You need to stop, say, families, and you're not allowed to do that. And then three other states, their attorney general sent me a cease and desist order. So it was the idea that people just thought, is that really legal? You know, shouldn't everybody be foster parents? And our point was the parent hasn't done anything wrong, they haven't, you know, they're not, we're not doing this against their will. It's like they're asking grandma and grandpa to help them out, you know, and parents should have rights to determine who's gonna help them out if they haven't done anything wrong. And then, and then so we got over that. We ended up writing 17 laws in in 17 states to make safe families legal. And then, interesting, as we started to get going, the head of DCFS pulled me aside and said, Dr. Anderson, I want to talk to you about this. I'm like, okay. I went in and he wasn't really smiling, you know. And so I said, Okay, yeah. Um he said, I want to understand safe fire. I'm told my idea. And he said to me, Dr. Anderson, best idea I've ever heard in my entire career. But he wasn't smiling. So I'm like, okay, thank you, I think. And then he said, But it'll never ever work. Don't bother wasting your time. He said, You will be a complete failure. And he didn't know I have a really low self-esteem. And I kind of that's that's part of the tape that goes through my mind all the time, right? This you'll be a failure. This will never work, whatever. And so I said, uh, and I he wasn't smart. So I said, okay. Um, so why won't it work? And he said this. He said, these people are volunteers. Volunteers are only good for putting stamps on letters and and you know, things like that. You're asking volunteers to do something we can't even pay people to do, and people are gonna do it for free. There will be no way. And I'm like, well, why would I need to pay them? He said, Well, if you don't pay them, how do you control them? And I'm like, I don't want to control them, right? I want to identify families, people with shared values that have the same values we have, and then unleash them and do that. And he said, It'll never work. And then he said, I have another problem. He said, Okay, what is it? He said, Many of these people are of faith. He said, they only protest things, they never do anything proactive. And so I started with this incredible resistance. One is there's never gonna, there is no way you could mobilize people to do very dramatic things for strangers, right? These are people they don't even know, they never even met before. And you're gonna ask them to take in and care for a child on their own dime and love them as if they were their own kid, and then readily give them back to the parent whenever the parent wants them. I'm like, yep, that's what grandparents do. That's what and that's what we want to do. And he said, it'll never ever work. Don't bother wasting you know your time. So whenever you come up with an idea, there's always resistance, there's always people saying it's, you know, the identifying, oh, did you think of this problem? And I'm like, well, probably not, you know. But that was something that was very dramatic for me and almost derailed, you know, what we were gonna do. And then I got a one of the state sent me a seats and desists, and they had me come and talk to them, and I met with a whole room of attorneys for the state, and they said, We understand you're bringing this into our state. Um, we don't want it, we think it's illegal and you need to stop. And then I, you know, by that time I was not cocky, but I was a little frustrated. And so I said, Okay, um, well, what's illegal about it? And they said, they said, well, this caring thing, this caring thing that people are are doing. You know, the idea that they're gonna care for another child, they're gonna take them into their home, and you know, people just don't do that. So we think that, and they said, and the state, and I remember this, and the state is best equipped to help families. I'm like, yeah, but these people haven't done anything, they haven't abused their kid, they haven't done anything. Well, the state is still best equipped, and then I said to them, I said, Well, how illegal is it? You know, are you just gonna like write us a ticket or you're gonna whatever? And they said, Well, if you continue, we'll probably need to arrest you. And I'm like, okay, well, I knew I didn't live in that state, so I kind of went back to my state and they didn't have any jurisdiction. But it it was this idea that, you know, people had a hard time creating a mindset to think about one is will this work? Can can it really make and that's why research was so important to us because we wanted to prove that that was the case, that it can work and make a difference in the lives of families.

Tracy Whitney 26:21

Yeah, I mean, anytime you're challenging the norms, especially if the norms are held by government officials' hands, it can be an uphill battle to reverse the norms or expand the norms. And I love that you didn't give up and you didn't quit. Listeners, did you happen to notice the fan mail button on your podcast player? It's kind of new, and we're really excited about this way for you to engage with us and to share your thoughts and ideas. So drop us some fan mail. Let us know what you want to learn more about. Uh, let us know what questions you have about how you can strengthen your family. Let us know how we're doing. We can't wait to hear from you. And we're gonna go back to the interview now.

What kinds of training and screening do volunteers undergo?

Tracy Whitney 27:12

So, when you're recruiting these volunteers, what kind of screening do they have to go through and what kind of training do they get in order to do this caring that is obviously not illegal?

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Well, uh, you know, for those who are hosting, we vet them like foster care. So we do a home assessment, we um do background checks, we get references, we go into their home and you know, make sure that you know their their how their home is safe, you know, there's not like medicine sitting out on the table or whatever. Um I kind of mirrored what people do for foster care because if we call people safe, right? If we say, oh yeah, we have a safe family for you, well, we should do what we can to make sure that's the case. Now, that's not, you know, I didn't create the name to say, oh, we're safe and you're not. Right. You know, I came up with the term primarily because if a mom is in trouble, she has no one to help, and she needs her kid to go somewhere. Her biggest question is, are these going to be safe people? You know, and so that's why we call it safe families. Um, and then training, uh, I was a trainer for one of the foster care models called foster pride. And so I really took what was good about foster pride and put it together. And that's really how, you know, we've created the the model for safe families is the training. And then we support parents. Like if I put a child in your home for on day one, uh, two days later, I'm gonna go in and say, How you doing? What do you need? Is the child doing okay? Blah, blah, blah. And then we have people check in with people um every week for at least the first month or so. So that's kind of how we end up doing that.

Tracy Whitney 29:02

So, in addition to that screening or vetting and then the training, they're getting weekly support from your organization that would identify any gaps or resources that the family might need to better support this child.

What support do parents receive along the way?

Tracy Whitney 29:18

What kind of support are the parents getting when they've voluntarily said, I need someone to take my child, um, you know, I'm I'm going through treatment or, you know, I'm gonna be in the hospital getting care. What kind of support do those parents get?

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Yeah, well, all of them get a family coach, okay, which isn't like a case, it's like a caseworker, but because we have no authority, you know, we're there to coach them, right? And support them. And just like maybe like an athletic coaches, is we're there to cheer them on and support them and stuff. Then they get what we call a family friend, one or two family friends, and then that's their circle of support. That these these groups of people coming alongside of them. And, you know, we set up the task. We're like, okay, you need safe families. What do you want to accomplish while your child isn't with you? And so we set up goals and we're like, oh, you want to get a job? Okay, you know, let's set up how we can go about doing that. And and so we're constantly helping them identify and work on accomplishing goals. But really, the change agent of safe families is it's relational and it's a long-term relationship, right? It's the idea that, like with the family that my wife and I helped when the mom, you know, had young kids and she had to go into drug treatment. And now the kids are 18 and 17, and we you know, we still see them multiple times a year, and things that's really in my mind, the change agent is really creating these relationships that have a beginning and don't have an end.

Tracy Whitney 30:56

Okay. So actually staying with a safe family may only be four to six weeks. Yes, but the relationship goes on as long as both parties are interested in staying in relationship.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Yep. Okay. And some of them could be just three days, you know, or two days. And, you know, we all know, you know, as an adoptive or foster parent, that sometimes you just need respite and that when your kids come back to you, you're more energized and have a little bit more patience or whatever it is. And a lot of, you know, families that we help are kind of like that. Is sometimes people just need a break, and that when they get their kids back, they can do a little bit more until they get the next break and stuff.

What are the main ways people can get involved?

Tracy Whitney 31:38

So so can you summarize the like the roles and the positions of say families so that people can kind of get a clear list of different ways they might be able to get involved?

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Yeah, yep. So, you know, the the one that probably we're best known for is host family, right? And these are people that are willing to take in a child for however long a parent wants and care for them until that parent is ready to get them back. And so they they take in the kid and they begin to develop a relationship with the parent. And host families can choose, you know, they could say, I only want to do two-day things, or I only want, you know, and and we send notes out, you know, by text messages on who needs help and and and we'll say, hey, there's a three-year-old that needs, you know, a place, the mom's asking for four weeks. And so people can say, you know, or think about, yeah, I can do this for the next four weeks, or not even respond and be like, I'm not, you know, I'm not in a place to help out at this point. So then we have what we call family coaches, and some of these are paid staff and some of these are volunteers, but there are people that are willing to act almost like a case manager, that are willing to provide resources to the parent, have that help them set up goals, that help problem solve things not going well, and they have that role. The third role is what we call family friends. And these are are people that are um you mentioned like mentors or parents, uh people that are willing to come alongside parents and and be a listening ear to them, be an encourager, maybe make suggestions, things like that. You know, we're in the UK and we've exploded in the UK. Exploded in the UK. We're in 18 countries now. And they said half of their volunteers are 65 and older. And these are people that are just like, you know, I have time on my hand, I've already parented my own kids, I made my own mistakes on my own kids, and so I'm in a little bit better place. And and so it's such a, I think, an untapped resource. You know, those that are, you know, older and retired, it's such an untapped resource around family friendly. They might not want to take a two-year-old um into their home, but um they can do that. And then we have what we call resource friends. These are people that either have things, I have extra clothes or whatever, or can get things because we want to meet tangible needs of families as well.

Tracy Whitney 34:15

So you mentioned you're in 18 countries. Are you in every state in the United States?

SPEAKER_01 34:19

We're in 35.

Tracy Whitney 34:21

35 of the 50. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

We have about 120, we call them chapters, but locations.

Tracy Whitney 34:27

Okay. Okay.

Can you share a story or two that captures the impact of SAFE Families?

Tracy Whitney 34:28

So let's put a face to this if we can. Can you share us, share with us a story that kind of captures the impact of safe families?

SPEAKER_01 34:38

You know, there's so many. There's, well, I mean, the one that I referred to earlier, we met a mom who had to go into drug treatment. And DCFS said to her, you know, um, if if we don't find a place where your kids are going an hour, we're gonna have to take custody of them. So the so the mom heard about us called. I ran myself. I ran to the drug treatment center and and picked up her kids and took them in, and we cared for them. Probably this was longer, probably about six, six months, um, because she needed to go through more treatment. And then she got her kids back. And her son now is 18. And and there have been times between them that between that time where we've taken her kids, um, not actually under safe families, but under this relationship now that we have, where she'll call and say, you know, I I need, I just need a break. You know, can you take my kids? Or one time she had to go in for surgery, we took her kids, and that's really a a lovely outcome because she's like extended family to us. Like so when my family gets together, we'll invite her to join, and everybody in my family loves her, and it just, you know, it just creates and she doesn't have extended family, so it creates this network for a mom who needed that help. You know, we had another mom that was sleeping in a car and had these two two and three-year-olds, and it was starting to turn cold, and she didn't have any place to stay. And she had one child, and then she was pregnant with the second one. And so she was sleeping in a car, didn't have a place to stay. Again, my wife and I helped, and we ended up deciding in this situation to take the mom and her kids into our home. Our kids had all grown and moved out and and things like that. So we had the capacity, and that's great because you could provide the roof, but the mom is still responsible for chasing after her kids, you know. We don't have, you know, so but it also became an opportunity for us to support the mom and coach her and and to really kind of almost not not co-parent, but be with her and uh supporting her. So she was able to get out on her own. And um, and so those are some examples. We have others are are really dramatic. The the probably for me, probably the most dramatic one for me is we got a call from a hospital in in Chicago in Evanston, and they said, we have a little baby that was born without a brain, and what you know, with the frontal lobe of the brain. And so they said the baby is gonna die. And and the the parents kind of abandoned the the child at at the hospital. And so they said, um, I know this isn't normally what you do, but we wonder if there might be a family that would be willing to take the child in almost like hospice and care for the child until the child dies. And they said, we've been looking for the baby, was six months old, we've been looking for six months, and we can't find anyone in the city that is willing to do that. Um, and so we said, Well, I, you know, it's it's a little unusual, but you know, we we have a vast network. And so we put it out in our network, and within a day, we um it's it's kind of upsetting to me, but within a day we had a couple that said, um, you know, we'll be more than glad to help this baby. And she ended up being a a pediatric nurse at this hospital. And I think her husband was a physician, and and so uh we let the hospital know. We said we we have a family that's willing to help. They said, Well, can they come in and and be trained? And I'm like, I don't know if they need training, but you're welcome to train them. Right, right. And they did this, and they took in this baby, and the baby sure enough died because they they didn't have the neurological capacity to live. It was a beautiful little girl, and um, and they did it out of it was very sad, but out of a joy to be able to make a difference. And you know what was so cool is that somehow this became known in the hospital um that someone was willing to do this, that at Christmas time, when all the employees get bonuses, you know, for Christmas, some of the social workers who did this, they they challenge all employees to donate their Christmas bonus to save families as a way to say thank you. Wow, and um it just and certainly not everyone can do that, but it just reflects on me the power and generosity of Americans, of people of faith, of people your audience, foster parents that are are doing radical and sacrificial things for really no reward at all, but they're doing it because of their values and why they're called to do this. And many of them have probably raised their own kids and they should be done with parenting and aren't. And it's just it just reflects in my mind this incredible capacity and willingness that people are willing to do incredibly radical and sacrificial things for no acknowledgement, no reward, no thank you. Um, but they do it every single day. And that relationship, that example to me was an extreme, but I think is illustrative of your entire network of people that are doing that same thing every single day. And that's who we are as a society. We're trying to make that more, you know, where my my thing is how do we mobilize communities where it's the community decision that the safety of kids and the support of parents is all of our responsibility, not just the select, you know, um gifted foster parents. It's everyone's responsibility. And um, that's really my mission. So sorry, I didn't mean to talk that long, but no, that's fantastic.

Tracy Whitney 41:21

And I so appreciate the the very beautiful way that you honor the families who do the work of safe families, but also the dignity and and um inherent value of each child that you guys serve one final interruption to say thank you to the Docky Beaning Family Foundation for underwriting a library of 15 free courses. You can find them at bitly slash JBF Support. That's V-I-T.ly slash JBF Support. You can take one or all of the courses. They're all designed to strengthen your family, build your parenting skills, and give you tools to handle all the many different things that adoptive, foster, and kinship families encounter when raising children. Thanks so much, and we'll head back to the interview now.

What do families or volunteers often say after being part of this?

Tracy Whitney 42:18

What do your volunteers or your um safe families say about the experiences after they've been part of it for a while? What do they have to say about it?

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Some will say I'll never do it again. To be completely honest. And because lost their parents are like, why did I do this?

Tracy Whitney 42:37

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

But nearly all of them are really grateful. Yeah. You know, because um, I don't know. It it provides an opportunity to serve according to some of our core values we've all learned, right? That we have a responsibility to give back, that we believe in protecting the most vulnerable in our society. And people are thankful to give back. And um I think the fact that that many of them can maintain long-term relationships with people gives them an added, you know, satisfaction to be able to see that you're right, that parent needed help at this particular time. But as we supported them throughout their life, they did a great job in caring for their kids. And and um, you know, my foster son, he's now 40, he has two kids. We didn't adopt him, he didn't really want to be adopted. And he when he turned old enough, he went down by where his parents were. But he c even at forty, he calls us mom and dad. And he's like, You didn't need to adopt me for me to call you mom and dad. And um and it's really a joy. Even though he was very, very difficult, he's the one who said, dump dad, you know?

SPEAKER_02 44:04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

It was very difficult. But now it's such a joy to see him 40, raising his own two kids by himself. They're now going to college and stuff. And the joy we have in seeing him succeed in the way he could succeed. And so those are some of the things that as foster adoptive parents, we need to grab onto, you know, are those experiences that we're like, you know, if I wasn't here, who knows what that situation might might have been like and stuff.

Tracy Whitney 44:39

So right.

Who tends to be a great fit for this kind of role?

Tracy Whitney 44:42

So who would probably be a good fit for one of these roles that you talked about? It's kind of a trick question.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

A loaded question, right? Well, I think everybody has a role to play. Yeah.

Tracy Whitney 44:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

Everybody has a role. Even foster parents, you know, can can do safe families between kids or whatever. Yeah. Everyone has a role to play. And for us, it's part of, like I say, creating the safety net in our communities. And so, yeah, that was a trick question. And thank you for that question, by the way.

Tracy Whitney 45:15

So,

What hesitations do you hear most, and what would you say to those concerns?

Tracy Whitney 45:17

what hesitations do you hear from families that are kind of getting started? They're in the vetting process or they're in the training process. What are some of the concerns or hesitations you hear from them and how do you address them?

SPEAKER_01 45:29

So I think people don't always say it, but there are unspoken, I don't know, I call it inhibiting emotions. What stands in the way for action, right? And one is fear, right? Who are these people? I don't know them. Might they do harm to me? You know, what do you mean? This, you know, this mom might call me or whatever. You know, there's this fear. Um, I think the second thing is there is this belief in our society, I call it the professionalization of foster care. That and sometimes it's true that families are so difficult that they need professionals. And that if you're a non-professional, there isn't really room for you. And I challenge that because as volunteers, we're not here to solve all problems. They might still need a professional, right? We're here to solve social isolation and loneliness, and the fact you're doing that's that's our niche, is that's what we're solving, and anyone can do that. Um, so the fear is you know, another fear is I don't want to do this alone, and so that's why we build these networks around people. Sometimes people just have lost capacity for not empathy or compassion, but just like they hear so many of the family difficulties, they're like, oh, there we go again, and they become callous and are not active and willing to respond. Um, so those are some of the challenges that that we face, and they're real, you know, they're realistic things. And if we could talk about it, then it's really great. We think they're facilitating emotions, like hope, right? I think is a facilitating emotion. Um, the idea that you can make a difference, you don't need, you know, a PhD or an MA or whatever, that you can make a difference. Whatever you have, your experience, your experience, whatever, raising your kids or living life, you can make a difference with that alone. Um, are you know some of the things that we use to counter those.

If one of our listeners is interested in serving this community, what’s the first step to get involved?

Tracy Whitney 47:45

So hearing all of this, if one of our listeners, and hopefully more than one of our listeners, is interested in serving this community, what's their first step?

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Well, I would just go to our website at safe hyphenfamilies.org and just to look at it, check it out, and and then it kind of describes the roles and it even says things like, hey, if this isn't in your community and you want to bring it there, great. We we would love to work with you to bring it to your community. So that would that would be, I think, the first step. And and uh I'm a person of faith, and so I often pray about things and and seek the Lord because we're all super busy, right? We're all have challenges in our in our life. And then just thinking about how do I want to get my how do I want to step my foot in the water and uh maybe not jump in with, well, your your group could do this because they've fostered, right? This they could jump in and say, I'll take an 18-year-old for three months, or you know, something like that. I'm kidding about that, but um, yeah, but just to step in and and give it a a little taste.

Tracy Whitney 48:53

So that's awesome. And we'll link the organization in our show notes for listeners who are maybe feeling a little twinge, like this might be something they could

For a parent or caregiver listening today who feels underwater or overwhelmed, what encouragement can you offer?

Tracy Whitney 49:02

try. So for a parent or a caregiver who is just feeling underwater, overwhelmed, like they just don't have the resources or the support or the break that they need, what encouragement would you offer to them to get involved with the Safe Families program?

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Well, I would say you're doing a great thing, and we would love to help you. And whether it's a grandparent raising grandkids or someone taking care of their daughter's children, or um even just foster care, uh, we we need help. You know, we all need, I do. I need help, and I know when there are people around asking me how you're doing, or can I take your kids, we want to be a support to you because we think, you know, keeping kids safe and in healthy environments for them to flourish is so important. And I know that's what you're about, and um, and and particularly even adoptive kids that people have made choices and they realize, you know, that as they've gone, that you know, kids end up showing other behaviors that makes things difficult, and and people need support in that and hanging in there with that. So, and we want to be part of that.

Tracy Whitney 50:18

Well, Dr. David Anderson, thank you so much for your time. Thank you for your passion and your investment in supporting and serving families who just need a little help along the way, and we all need a little help along the way. So I'm so grateful that an organization like yours is taking on this specific niche and really going after helping heal social isolation in America and across the world.

SPEAKER_01 50:45

I am honored you chose me and thank you for having me. I this was very enjoyable. Thank you.

Tracy Whitney 50:49

Thank you so much.