Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

How to Adopt in 2026

• Creating a Family • Season 20 • Episode 2

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Are you considering adoption to create your family this year? We’ve got answers to all (or most) of your questions. Join our discussion with Molly Berger, MSW, who has been with the Adoption Center of Illinois for 12 years as an adoption social worker. She counts it an honor to work with adoptive families and expectant parents.

In this episode, we discuss:

Part 1: Domestic Infant Private Adoption in the US

  • What is the process?
  • What are the reasons that pregnant moms are placing their children for adoption?
  • Explain the matching process. How do expectant parents find and choose adoptive parents?
  • What is The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC)?
  • What is Open adoption? Why do expectant parents need to educate themselves about open adoption?
  • What special needs are common in domestic infant adoptions?
  • How long does it take? What factors influence this time?
  • How much does it cost? What factors influence this cost?
  • How do failed matches impact the cost of adoption (that is, when an expectant mom decides to parent rather than go through with an adoption plan)?
  • What are the differences in adopting via an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
  • What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting a baby?

Part 2: Adoptions From Foster Care in the US

  • What is the process?
  • How do you adopt your foster child (one who has already been placed in your home)?
  • How do you go about adopting a waiting child, or one who is not currently placed with your family?
  • What are the reasons children come into foster care in the US?
  • What ages and races of children are most commonly available for adoption from foster care?
  • What are the typical special needs prospective parents should expect to consider?
  • How long does it take to adopt from foster care?
  • How much does adoption from foster care typically cost?
  • What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting from foster care?

Part 3: International Adoptions to the US

  • What is the process to adopt from another country?
  • What is the Hague Treaty, and why is it important for prospective parents to understand?
  • What types of special needs do we most commonly see in children available for adoption from abroad?
  • How long does international adoption take? What factors influence this time?
  • How much does it cost? What factors influence the expenses?
  • What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting internationally?
  • Understanding Transracial/Transcultural Adoption
  • What is transracial adoption?
  • What should prospective parents understand about raising a child from a different culture than their own?
  • What are racial mirrors, and why are they valuable for

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Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

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Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.

a very comprehensive overview of the three different types of adoption. Joining us
for this conversation today is Molly Berger MSW. She has been with the Adoption
Center of Illinois for 12 years as an adoption social worker. She counts it an
honor and a privilege to work with both adoptive families and expectant parents.
Welcome to creating a family, Molly. Thank you so much and thank you for having me.
It's our pleasure. We're glad to have you. So we're going to jump right into Thank
you.
yeah for every single adoption and domestic adoption is no different the first step
for an adoptive family is to complete a home study so a home study is a both
process and a document that you have to obtain to be approved to adopt a child
awesome can you tell us a little bit about the goal or the purpose of a home
study yeah the purpose of a home study is just to ensure that, you know, you are
a safe and stable family. Adoption agencies aren't looking for the picture perfect
family. We're not looking for no medical history or no mental health history. You
know, we're all social workers or huge components of therapies or, you know, I never
want families to feel discouraged or feel like you're being judged right off the
bat. It's always just to ensure a child safety. And parenting a child through
adoption is different than a biological child. And so part of the home city is also
helping educate families and prepare them to go through both the adoption process and
what they're open to, what they are expecting for adoption, but also how to help
their child and the adoptee hope and learn and be an adoptee in the world today
and build a positive sense of identity as an adoptee. Perfect answer. A combination
of support.
comment, and is lack of support. So whether that be financial support to raise a
child or family or community support, those are always the main reasons why someone
is seeking is just not having, seeking an adoption for their child is just not
having that overall support to raise a child. And how do they go about finding or
choosing adoptive parents? Could you help us understand the matching process? Yeah. So
just as adoptive families look and where they go to,
group of families, adoptive families who are home city approved and are part of
their program. And so expectant parents will work with the agency to tell them their
background, tell them what's going on in their pregnancy, and then also what they're
looking for in an adoptive family. The agency will then go back to their pool of
families, pull out all the families that match what expectant mom wants and vice
versa is is what the situation is also matching the adopted family's openness levels
and she'll choose a family from their profile and then oftentimes meet them prior to
delivery as well. You mentioned openness and adoption. Can you explain what open
adoption is and why expectant parents who are hoping to adopt a child would need to
educate themselves about open adoption and that relationship with a birth parent.
Yeah. So open adoption is any type of communication that you have with the child's
birth family. So a relationship between birth family, adoptie, and adoptive family.
And so some open adoptions are exchanging photos and giving updates to birth parents.
And other open adoptions go all the way into having multiple in -person it's a year.
So there's a huge range of openness, but there's a national statistic going around
now that about 90 % of adoptions are open right now to some degree.
And so it's important for adoptive families to really understand why that is. And it
all comes down to it's in the child's best interest and it's in the birth family's
best interest. Oftentimes with adoption, adoptees are left with a lot of why
questions and what Thank you.
that it's good for the kids and it's good for the birth parents because it keeps
the door open for all of those questions. Absolutely. Switching gears just a little
bit, what is the interstate compact on the placement of children, also known by the
acronym ICPC? And how does that impact families that might be looking for a child?
Yeah. So anytime a child is being place for adoption and is adopted from a
different state other than they were born in. They have to go through the ICPC
process is what we call it. So it's where both states, representatives will look at
all the adoption and ensure that it is a safe and ethical adoption by both state
standards and that it follows the law based on the home state of the child. And it
impacts any adoptive family who's adopting outside of the state that they live in
because they will go to that state, be taking care of baby, and have to stay in
that state until the ICPC process is cleared. And that can often take about two
weeks before you're able to travel home. So every state handles it differently, is
what you're saying? Yeah. Every state has different time frames, different processes.
But we, on average, at our agency, we always try and prepare families that you're
going to be stuck in that state for
So they maybe don't know to stop doing with their recreational activities. And so
most of the time there is some level of drug and alcohol exposure for a child
that's being placed for adoption. And we know here at creating a family, we know
that the impacts of prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs has potentially long
lasting impacts for the children. So prospective parents should consider educating
themselves about those longer lasting impacts. Absolutely.
Not just the short term of maybe withdrawal, which people hear about, but what are
those long -term effects for the child? How long -term does an average domestic infant
adoption take and what factors influence that timeline? Yeah.
So from start to finish, so from applying to your home study all the way to
finally having a placement and having a child in your home, I would say average.
what are their openness levels in terms of race, exposure, relationship with birth
family? And then also another factor is how many agencies that they are working
with? It's very common now. And I think it's going to be the norm in 26 for
adoptive families to be working with more than one agency and being in their
programs just to cast their net as wide as possible and cast their reach of the
expectant parents that are viewing their profiles. And does that include working with
a combination of an agency and an attorney, or is that pretty standard that it's
just with agencies? It can be a combination. So some families work with a consultant
who then will refer them to, you know, two or three or four different placing
agencies in various different states. You can work with an attorney in one state and
an agency in another state as well. So you can do any combination. Okay. How do
failed matches impact the cost of an adoption? A failed match for our listeners is
when an expectant mom decides to parent rather than place her child once she gets
to the end of her pregnancy and the end of the relinquishment time. So how do
those failed matches impact the cost of a family's adoption process?
charged when you're matched with a mom. Sometimes it's refundable. Sometimes you're
able to transfer it to a different match. So ask that main question as well as any
financial support that is provided to the expectant parents in any adoption in any
state cannot be repaid by the expected mom. And so oftentimes,
again, you want to talk to your agency about how they handle this. But in most
cases
this is what the law says, this is what it is, and maybe not so much focused on
the emotional aspect of adoption. Let me interrupt this conversation for just a
moment to tell you about another resource where you can learn. We have a prenatal
exposure workshop. It's three sessions for parents and caregivers who want to learn
more about the impacts of prenatal substance exposure, how to support your child, how
to educate yourself, and how to parent the child through maybe some difficult
behaviors or challenging impacts from that prenatal exposure. You can go to Bitley
slash prenatal dash exposure dash training. That's bit .l .ly slash prenatal dash
exposure dash training to find out about the next workshop
follow the drop down and find all kinds of topics to help you educate yourself
about domestic infant adoption, about international adoption, about foster care
adoption, about open adoption, about transracial adoption, all the things that we're
talking about today and so much more. Let's go back to the show and hear about the
other kinds of adoption. Okay, let's take a turn and dive into conversations about
adopting from foster care in the United States. Again, just give us an overview of
what the process to adopt from foster care in the U .S. looks like. Yeah.
Such an important topic. And so many kids waiting for families in the foster care
system. And so for families, the first step is to go through that home study and
licensing process. So if you're specifically looking to foster to adopt,
or domestic, where the process is to ensure that you are a safe and stable family
for the child. And again, part of that education process as well of what is it
like parenting a child who comes from trauma or that has experienced trauma is a
huge factor in the licensing process for families. The educational process is part of
the home study and licensing process for foster families. Is it still the case that
every state has a different number of hours,
past the course. There's some great foster packages already created kind of in a
bundle, but also individual courses that you can take to help and check with your
agency to see what their requirements are for where you get your education because
we've got some great stuff. I do. Thank you.
I'm a foster parent as well. And I've taken the state training. And I can say that
I've learned more from creating a family than I did from the state training just
because you guys go so
as you're going through the foster process for your child, because the reality is
foster to adopt, there is no true, this is the goal of adoption when you start.
You're always going to be fighting for reunification. You're always going to be going
through that reunification process. So it's oftentimes a joint conversation that your
caseworkers will have with you saying this case is starting to turn more towards
adoption? Is that something that you're open with? So if there is a child in your
home that you're currently fostering that you really would like to provide permanency
for, you want to make sure that your caseworker, the child's caseworker, is aware
that you want to be able to provide permanency for that child so that as they go
through the termination of parental rights process through the system, you are
designated as that adoptive family for the child when that time comes. And if you
are interested in adopting one who's not currently placed with your family, you
mentioned that you should go into fostering, always knowing that the goal is
reunification. But if you are looking for a child who is already legally free,
how do you get that ball rolling? Yeah. So you can, Every state will have their
own various program for adopting kids who parental rights have already been terminated
or will be terminated. And so you can either work directly with your home,
DCFS or Department of Child and Family Services, CPS, it's a little bit different.
Acronymes different based on the state, but you can work directly with your home
state and look at their child listing sites. And So now private agency is popping
up to support the DCFS system to help promote kiddos who are looking for families.
And so working with your local and your state DCFS to view those profiles of those
waiting children and making sure that you can submit specific interest in a specific
child, again, knowing that maybe there's 20 other families expressing the same
interest, but looking at those listing sites. There are some agencies that Adoption
Center, Illinois, my agency does have a waiting child services program as well. So
you can look and find a private agency that helps families adopt waiting kids
throughout the entire country as well. And we do have resources on the Creating a
Family website for understanding private foster agencies and public foster agencies and
whether our
trauma, and that could be in forms of physical abuse, mental abuse, or neglect,
or exposure. And so any child that's in foster care or who has been adopted and
their parental rights have been terminated, it's been deemed unsafe for that child to
be in their biological family home. And that secondary, that there is no biological
or kinship family for the child to go in in their home as well. Because that's
what a huge push now for foster care is looking at are there any biological family
members or close relatives or family friends of that family. So it's deemed unsafe
or impossible for that child to be reunified with their biological family. And so
what are the ages and races kind of demographics of the kids that are most commonly
available? Average age, I think, is about eight years old. It can definitely vary in
terms of where you are state -wise, what programs you're looking at,
what your openness levels are in terms of trauma level of exposure and needs of the
child as well. There are so many teens who are looking and wanting to be adopted
and waiting for a family. So anybody who is going into the process of adopting a
child from the foster care system should be looking and expecting the child to be
about eight years old and up. Yeah. There are some sibling groups with kids of
younger, you know, younger kiddos. But again, then you're looking at adopting a
sibling group as well. Right. And do you have an idea of the breakdown of races
available? I think that honestly just vary state by state and demographic.
I don't am thinking about our specific program too. It just varies across the board.
It depends on state as well. So I think it really is across the board if I'm
going to give an honest answer. Yeah. And the national report called Afghars,
A -F -C -A -R -S, they released.
behavioral issues too. And so most of the kiddos who are in foster care and adopted
from foster care do need extensive therapy and supportive services to help trauma
rewires your brain. And so when you're in the healing journey, you need to rewire
that again. So a lot of that support is through therapy and consistency really as
well. Yeah. And healing is absolutely possible. But it takes a different kind of
parenting, which is why the,
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So how long does it take to adopt from foster
care and what's an average cost that parents should be looking at? Yeah.
Time frame I would expect around, I would again give an average of maybe two years.
It's just going to depend really on how, where the child's case is. Because if
you're matched with a child, even in the beginning and its parental rights haven't
been terminated. We all know the court systems are slow, so it depends on the
state. And even in state, it depends on the county. And so you can, I would say
you're oftentimes having that child in your home for around two years before the
adoption is finalized. And that's really to make sure that it's a stable placement
too. We never want to, As an agency and social workers and as a state, we never
want to rush into the finalization, especially of these kiddos who have been bounced
around. You want to make sure that it's a stable placement. The right supports are
in place and everything like that as well. The cost is if you're working directly
with the state or a private agency that has a foster care or adoption program,
there are no costs because the state will cover all the fees. And you will also,
your adoption lawyer fees will also be covered by the state.
from foster care. Where do they start? First, you want to really look into private
agencies versus going directly through the state. And so there'll be the private
agencies are the agencies that have contracts with DCFS or with your state department
to then supervise the child's case. So there's many pros and cons going directly
with the state is going with a private agency and the best thing I can advise is
just going to those program introduction meetings first and foremost to say okay what
is this agency like what are their philosophies how do they describe the supports
that they have in place for not just the kids but as foster parents as well so
first step is is going to as many program introductions as you can and narrowing
down that that agency that you want to be working with or working directly with the
state.
recommend Facebook groups. There's a lot of Facebook groups for like county foster
parents or like this county foster parent groups. And they're great for looking at
those specific recommendations or experiences, but also know it's a place to vent as
well. So you're going to get some of that. You're going to get mixed reviews all
the time. Well, if you're looking for a resource to help you know what questions to
ask when you are interviewing either a private or a public agency, you can check
the
from the Jockey Being Family Foundation. And if it's starting to sound like we're
huge on education and how to learn more, you are absolutely right.
We are deeply committed to empowering you with the knowledge you need to raise a
strong, healthy family. And so if you go to Bitley slash JBF support,
that's BIT .LY slash JBF support, you can see our library of 15 free courses that
will help you prepare for an adoption and it will support you through the journey
of raising your family once you've adopted. And we're very grateful to the Jockey
Being Family Foundation for helping provide those courses. Thanks so much. And here's
the last part of the interview for you. So let's jump into the sticky wicket that
is international adoption. It's a huge conversation to have,
and I'm hoping we can cover it. There's been a lot of changes in recent years. And
so we're going to talk what's going on right now so that people can get an
understanding and kind of wrap their fingers around what they should expect when
they're considering international adoption. So can you first define international
adoption for people that are listening and maybe
a home study as well. So you will need to get a home study, same process as what
we were mentioning for domestic adoption. However, it is different because every
country is going to require their own home study, their own restrictions, their own
requirements, and their own language, really, for what should be in the home study.
So while you're looking into getting a home study done in your home state, you
should also be looking for a placing agency.
Yeah, so the Hague Treaty, it's a treaty like a convention that they had to ensure
legal and ethical adoptions and set a standard for all adoptions across countries.
And so every country can either choose to opt in or opt out of it. The U .S.
is a part of the Hague Convention, the Hague Treaty. And so, again, it sets those
standards for adoption and for ethical adoption in that
and extra documentation that you have to... An extra time. ...in order to make sure
that the citizenship process is locked in for your child. Correct. What types of
special needs are we most commonly seeing in children who are available for an inter
-country adoption? Yeah, I think it's a wide range. You have everything from
correctable procedures and correctable conditions, such as cleft lip, cleft palate.
that any child adopted internationally may have some level of delays or maybe not
meeting milestones on time. And that includes prenatal substance exposure in some
countries, although it's less common in other countries. And that's a really good
vote for why we encourage families to pick a country and learn everything they can,
not just about the culture of the country and the food of the country and the
customs or, you know, religion.
And that's being optimistic at this point, I think minimum of two years,
oftentimes, it could be up to four years. It's just very dependent on the country.
It's ever -changing, I think, right now as well. And families should go into it
knowing what it is currently. And then knowing that it could very well be
drastically changed both from the U .S. side and also from the other country's
perspective as well in their process of immigration. I think that's something that
families don't necessarily know about is, oh, you're adopting, so they're automatically
going to get citizenship of the U .S. But you don't realize that you have to go
through that immigration process and paperwork as well for the child. Time frame is
going to drastically be different based on country and what your openness levels are.
The more open you are to age ranges, the more open you are to special needs,
the more opportunities you may have or the more children that are really going to
be waiting, especially age range. There's so many older children who oftentimes get
overlooked just based on age. Yeah. And gender also in many,
many countries, gender can impact your timeline. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So how much
does international adoption cost and what are the factors that may influence that
expense? So international adoption has a range between 30 to 40 ,000.
I would say minimum 30. It could go up to 50 ,000. So many different factors play
into that, including travel, including how long you have to be in that country,
also including wait times because oftentimes paperwork and documents will expire in
that country. So you're redoing those documents, repaying those fees if there's an
extended period of time. And we should also include that the general range of cost
from, say, $30 ,000 to $50 ,000 does not include your private travel expenses or the
expenses that you may incur if you have to be in country for a certain a number
of days or weeks. So that range is 30 to 50, but, you know,
it will vary greatly. Very good point. If you are interested in more information
about the individual countries. Creating a family maintains what we call our adoption
comparison charts. And right now we're listing the top five sending countries in
international adoption. And we have factors that families should consider when they
are considering international adoption. And each chart is kind of an apples to apples
comparison of the top five sending countries. And when you're looking at those
placing agencies too, when you're looking at placing agencies and their fees,
oftentimes some agencies will break it down between adoption costs and travel costs
and some will lump it all together. So if it's not clear, make sure you ask those
questions too if the travel costs are incorporated in that final estimate as well.
And it's absolutely acceptable to ask them for more itemized details if they are an
agency that maybe lumps the fees into two main categories. Never be scared of
asking. Yes,
never ever be scared of asking questions. Absolutely, absolutely. What is the first
step that a prospective adoptive parent should take if they are interested in
pursuing an international option. Choose your country, because that will determine
everything. So like you said before, choose your country, learn everything there is
to know about it, not just culturally, not just what it's like to help that child
build a positive sense of identity and cultural identity, but average kids being
adopted from that country and wait times, travel times, restrictions.
So learn everything there is to know about that country, then find an agency that
has a placing agency in that country as well. And the home study for international
adoption, you mentioned at the beginning of this section, is often very different
than it would be for infant adoption or for foster care adoption. In your
experience, do you feel like the international adoption home study is more or less
exhaustive. What are the factors that impact that? Yeah, I think it's more
exhaustive. To be honest, many countries require a psych eval or psychological
evaluation completed. It's something that's not required with domestic adoptions or
foster care. But those are one of the small things. But that alone that
psychological eval can be, can be scary and exhausting because you're going to seek
a psychologist to be asking questions about your support system, about everything
about you. So it's not just the agency that's looking into. It's then this and then
extra training requirements, which is rightfully so for training. But,
you know, there's, and I think it's too, just the requirements and restrictions can
be exhausting to look up this country and then learn that this one little part
excludes you from being able to adopt from that country and then going here. So
that part alone can be a little bit exhausting and overwhelming more so than
domestic adoption. And again, when you're interviewing an agency and trying to figure
out which agency you will best fit with for the country that you're most interested
in. First of all, pick an agency that has a program in that country. But second of
all, don't be afraid to ask, what are the things I need to know about a home
study? Before you even get into the home study, before you sign any applications, it
is absolutely okay to say, what kinds of questions should I be expecting from this
home study? Because some families, you know, they can kind of answer off the cuff.
They can sit down and fill out the paperwork and, you know, write their whole
little,
If you're a family that has had, you know, maybe one or two marriages between you,
that stuff is going to come up in any of the home studies, but in an international
home study, it might dig a little deeper. And so you want to be able to answer
those questions and feel prepared to answer them from a position of strength,
not a position of defensiveness. Because I do think that sometimes people feel a
little defensive when they're going through the home study process. And it can feel.
I've done it twice. It can
and a country, but starting to educate yourself about the issues of raising trans
-cultural or transracial children. Absolutely. I didn't include this in the outline,
but we have some extra time, and I wonder, would you be okay with answering a few
questions about transracial adoption? Yeah, absolutely. It's one of my favorite topics.
Oh, good. I'm so glad. Mine too. I have two Chinese daughters. daughters. I'm two
African -American sons. That's awesome. So in any one of these three types of
adoption, we as prospective parents may be considering what's also called transracial
or transcultural adoption. Can you give us a definition of that and then help us
understand what it is that we prospective parents might need to know about
transracial adoption? Yeah, transracial adoption is any family adopting a child outside
of their own race or their own culture. And so oftentimes it's immediately thought
of white parents adopting kids of color, but it could also mean, you know, Asian
parents adopting a child of color or a white child. And so it's anytime those cross
-cultural, cross -racial families unite. It is so important
what to do about racial profiling or those, some of those experiences. You can have
those based on education or what other people have said, but to know the feeling of
what that is in the moment, you know, you can't have that. And so you want to
make sure that you, that you as your adopted parents, that your community, your
immediate family, your immediate friends, your circle is also prepared and what does
what does your community look like for that child? And do they have those racial
mirrors to not feel different when you already feel different as an adopte?
So we're tasked with helping them form a healthy identity as an adoptee,
but if we choose transracial or transcultural adoption, we should also be considering
ourselves tasked with the helping them develop an identity as a person of color,
whether it's an African -American young man or a Chinese young woman, we talk about
the importance of surrounding our kids with those kinds of,
you called them racial mirrors. Talk about a little bit more about that importance.
Yeah, it's Racial mirrors is being able to go out in your community or seeing in
your immediate group of, do I have somebody that looks like me? And do I,
can I go to the grocery store and see other people that look like me or that look
different than the normative? And so, especially for adoptees,
the common thing for adoptees is that they feel different. They feel like they're
added on, right? And so being
they go. Right. Because oftentimes you look different and people will assume adoption
or people will assume different things. And so if you go in, if you live in a
community, what that's diverse, that's family makeup diverse, that's culturally diverse,
racially diverse, you can kind of wipe that off a little bit. And they're not
fully, it doesn't take away the reality of that they're a transracial adopte and the
importance, but they don't have to have it written across their forehead all the
time. And it's a place that they can feel connected. They can feel like they
belong. Right. It helps kind of blur that conspicuousness a little bit.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Their brains and their bodies can be about the business of figuring
out who they are and where they fit. Yeah. Yeah. And having those racial mirrors,
too, or having not just, you know, we talked, I talked about going to grocery
store, but having those racial mirrors in your immediate group of friends and family,
it's people that you can rely on that's saying, hey, I don't have this lived
experience, but you do. Can I rely on you and can I, can you help me teach my
child this? And so giving that, giving your child a role model that has those lived
experience.
that group, or who do you have that you can rely on that for that support?
And I would add families who are pursuing any kind of adoption, but particularly
transracial or transcultural adoption, also consider adding to your circle of friends,
families that look like yours. So if you are a family of color raising a child of
a different culture or a different race, look around in your search.
families that come to our picnic every year or that become friends with each other.
And for them, their three -year -olds are asking them when they're going to adopt
another baby instead of have another baby. So it's all about the normality of what
you make for your child's life. It can all be normal if you make it normal. And
it becomes especially important when your kids get to junior high because no junior
higher wants to look any different than the other junior hires around them. Yes,
exactly. And that's the joy and the beauty of a conversation like this that covers
the three different types of adoption and then open adoption and transracial adoption
is, you know, this is a norm for our families, but when you're considering it and
you're brand new to it, there's a lot of education that needs to take place. And I
deeply appreciate your time. Thank you so much, Molly Burger, from the Adoption
Center of Illinois. this conversation is