Expert Advice for Handling Sexual Abuse by a Sibling - Weekend Wisdom

Question: I have a friend whose 12-year-old adopted son (adopted at age 6) has been sexually abusing his younger siblings. She self-reported to CPS and law enforcement,  but they have not done a formal removal yet, and their solutions involved bringing the child back home or kinship (not an option). 

The offending child is currently in a temporary behavioral hospital, and a Refusal to Assume Parental Responsibility was opened on my friend because she will not pick him up, especially not until he receives specialized treatment for sexual aggression. The other children deserve a safe home to heal. Has anyone been through this before? If, after treatment, she still does not feel like it's in the children's best interest for him to return home, what are her options? 

Resources:

• Resources for Finding an Adoption-Competent Therapist
• Gil Institute for Trauma Recovery & Education
• Helping a Child Heal from Sexual Abuse

Transcript

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.

Hello and welcome to Weekend Wisdom. I'm your host, Tracy Whitney. I'm also the
content director for creating a family. Today we're taking a break from our typical
weekend wisdom format where you only hear from me and instead we're bringing you an
answer from a guest expert whom we greatly admire and respect for her work in the
area that we're going to be discussing. Dr. Diana Gill is the founder of the Gill
Institute for Trauma, Recovery, and Education. She specializes in the assessment and
treatment of trauma in children, especially those who have been sexually abused. She
is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a registered play therapist
supervisor. She's also a registered art therapist, and she's joining us today to talk
about this particular question from our listener. Welcome, Dr. Gill. Here's the
question. My friend's 12 -year -old son, adopted at age six, has been sexually abusing
younger siblings in the home. She self -reported to CPS and to law enforcement,
but they have not yet done a formal removal. Their suggested solutions include
bringing the child back to the home or placing him with relatives, which is not an
option. The offending child is currently in a temporary behavioral hospital and a
refusal to assume parental responsibility was opened on my friend because she will
not pick him up until he receives specialized treatment for sexual aggression. The
other children deserve a safe place to heal. So if after treatment she still does
not feel like it's in the children's best interest for him to return home. What are
her options? That's a really difficult situation. And I absolutely agree that her job
is to protect all the children who've been victimized. The 12 -year -old,
unfortunately, has had his own traumatic experience and background. And the acting out
suggests that he's going to need very specialized attention. So usually for a 12
-year -old, the treatment process would be somewhere between a year and a half to two
years. And the treatment programs can be very good. I've seen a lot of them work
wonders, but it is very intensive. These are not behaviors that tend to resolve
quickly, especially at his age. There's a biological component that's in place.
And if he's been abusing others, it's reinforced that sexual arousal pattern.
So the work that he needs is going to have to be very specific. I would imagine
that that 12 -year -old is a ward of the state. And so there's someone with ultimate
responsibility for his care. But from what I'm hearing,
I think I would be in that same position of wanting to say this is a problem I
can't work with in the home. This child has already, unfortunately,
exposed a lot of other children to this inappropriate behavior. And I request that
he have specialized services immediately and to be reevaluated for reunification at
the end of that time. So I think she's going to have to, or they, the foster
parents, are going to have to advocate for themselves. The social worker should be
able to assess and get information on what programs are available to that 12 -year
-old. And usually the treatment programs will include family therapy and we'll start
looking at reunification possibilities. But it's not a given because it is,
we don't know what we're dealing with. We don't know how extensive his abuse, how
receptive he's going to be to getting help, et cetera, et cetera. So I think that
working with the county and whoever is in a position over the 12 -year -old would be
important, but I think that her limits are great. If it's a foster mom, I wasn't
sure if it's foster mom and dad or the couple. She's an adoptive mom, and they've
started the process of refusal to assume parental responsibility, which could then
kick the care back to disrupt the adoption process. And you know, again,
if that happens, I mean, she may want to just have it assessed and re -evaluated at
a later time. I don't know how long this 12 -year -old has been in that home i
don't know if there's an attachment process you know there's just lots of unknowns
but i do think the specialized services is first and foremost and then professionals
evaluating what his potential is going to be for recovery and he may need to stay
in those kinds of programs for a while so i hope that helps it does yes and then
also of course to be seeking support and care for the children in the home who
were abused by this young man. Yes. Well, thank you, Dr. Gill, for your expertise
on this matter. And we hope that this helps our listener who was writing in on
behalf of her friend. If you have other questions for Weekend Wisdom, please feel
free to send them to info at creatingafamily .org. And we will consider them for the
queue. Thanks so much for listening.