Should We Expand Our Special Needs Checklist to Include HIV? - Weekend Wisdom

Question: My husband and I are considering whether we will open our special needs consideration to include children who are HIV+. We have already been approved to adopt from India, and as our home study update approaches, we are taking a good, hard look at the Special Needs list again. I was listening to your podcast episode on this topic from 2013 and wondered if this was worth an updated episode? Has much changed for families living with HIV?

Resources:

• Factors to Consider When Adopting from India
• Country Comparison Charts
• Common Special Needs in International Adoption

Transcript

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.

We will get info from experts that we've talked within the past and will bring you
answers that we hope will strengthen your family. Today's question comes from T .J.
My husband and I are considering whether we will open our special needs list
consideration to include children who are HIV positive. We've already been approved to
adopt from India. And as our home study update approaches, we are taking a good,
hard look at that list again. Thank you. Well, T .J, thank you so much for reaching
out. It is a great.
process. We recently interviewed Dr. Dana Johnson from the University of Minnesota.
He is the founder of the International Adoption Clinic there at the University of
Minnesota. And he shared with us in that interview that the incidences of HIV in
international adoption have drastically reduced in recent years. And because of new
and more effective treatments, better access to medicines and care and increased
education, more prospective parents are feeling equipped and educated to pursue kids
in those countries who do have HIV. And when they are completing their special needs
checklists, they are more open to the option. So we have a few things to recommend
to you, and we think that they might help you think through the possibility of
raising a child that's HIV positive. And keep in mind through this process, there is
no right or wrong answer. You have to ask yourself some hard questions, but then
you have to answer those questions as honestly as you possibly can to be prepared
for whatever child you say yes to and so that your child feels safe and welcome
and well cared for in your home. You can also run these questions by your
caseworker and ask the caseworker to kind of hash through them with you. You don't
say what agency you're using or how connected or involved your caseworker is with
you at this point in the process. But it's worth a phone call and certainly kind
of examining some of the things that these questions might prompt because sometimes
asking a couple questions leads to asking a couple more questions. And that's pretty
common. And you can use it as an exercise to help you think through things clearly.
So the first question to ask yourself,
And so educating yourself about a chronic illness like this is a must and it takes
time and intentionality. It's not something you can kind of just, you know, get to
when you get to. The second question that you could ask yourself is, do you have
the medical resources and access to those resources near you that specialize in the
treatment of HIV or AIDS? You should consider access not just to the pediatric
resources in your region, but also how they transition kids from pediatric care to
adolescent to adult care. You want to see an organization that has a continuum of
care. You want to look for care providers that are keyed into the needs and
concerns of kids as they grow and how to help those kids advocate for themselves,
how to help them learn to educate themselves as they grow. So it's kind of a
continuum of care that you're looking for. And do they take a team approach to this
process of caring for all of the needs that come with HIV or AIDS? You're going to
want to also think about, do you have to go to several different facilities to get
the care? or do they have an umbrella approach where all of the care is available
in one facility? Those are questions, again, no right or wrong answer, but these are
things that you need to consider, considering your availability, your access, and how
willing you are to travel, or if you have the ability to travel, how that fits on
your calendar, those kinds of things. The third kind of round of questions to ask
yourself is, are you organized and disciplined enough to make sure that your child
takes the medication on time, gets to doctor's appointments as regularly as they need
to, and so on. In particular, with kids who have an HIV or AIDS diagnosis,
the medication routine may not be complex, but it does require consistency. And if
you are a family that struggles with that kind of consistency, you want to think
about how to improve that or if you're capable of that. And speaking of handling
things in an organized or consistent discipline manner, do you have the ability to
organize the time demands that a child with a chronic illness might require? Your
learning curve will be steep and consuming. You may feel like you have the capacity
for that when they first come home. However, AIDS is often most well controlled with
medication and regular medical care. And so the long haul of ongoing evaluations,
revisiting medication, changing medication protocols, and all of that requires
consistency, again, discipline, and organization to handle all of the doctor's
appointments and sometimes unexpected doctor's appointments that happen in the process
of caring for a child with any chronic illness? Are you prepared for the impact
that that might have on your calendar, work demands, other family demands, and so
on? The fifth question is a little bit of a sticky wicket because things are
changing, and that's a good thing, but have you considered the negative stigma that
continues to surround children with this virus? Again, things are changing.
It's not quite as stigmatized as it was, you know, many years ago. However, you
have to be willing to advocate for this child. You have to be willing to educate
the child to learn how to advocate for themselves. And there are still,
unfortunately, uninformed individuals out there, even local professionals who may not
have had exposure to or cared for individuals with HIV or AIDS.
And so it's helpful to think through how you might educate yourself so that you can
educate others, how you might educate yourself so you can educate your child, and
then learn the self -advocacy for your family and teach the child self -advocacy for
the things that might be a little more intangible than medical care,
meaning stereotypes and bias and stigmas that go around some of that care.
So that one's a little tougher to think through, but it's valid conversation to have
with your partner or with your care providers and how to prepare for that.
So number six is pretty practical. It's in terms of talking with care providers and
school and things like that, who are you going to tell about this child's status?
By law, families are not required to disclose HIV status at daycares or schools or
child care providers. However, you may choose to share this information for any
number of reasons. And you should talk with your caseworker what would be the
reasons to share or not to share. And think about the advantages and advantages of
disclosure before you bring that child home. And number seven, it's always frightening
to bring home a child with a chronic illness. And you have to ask yourself, are
you able to push back those fears for the sake of the child and open your heart
to both the joys and the challenges that would come with raising a child who has
HIV or AIDS? Can you hold space for that scary diagnosis while also remembering that
the child is not their diagnosis. This condition is just one part of who that child
is and they deserve to be fully seen. And so asking yourself if you have that
ability or if you're willing to grow that ability. Number eight, ask yourself if you
are in relationship with other parents who are raising kids with chronic illness. It
doesn't necessarily have to be other parents raising kids with HIV or AIDS, but
parents who are raising kids with chronic illness will get it. They'll understand
what you're going through. They'll be able to share their experiences thus far.
They'll be able to support you when you're feeling kind of unfounded and unfettered.
If you have anyone in your life that is living with an HIV diagnosis, it would be
great to kind of pick their brain a little bit and see if they're willing to share
with you what is helpful and what is maybe challenging. If you're willing to seek
out folks who grapple with the every day of chronic illness and willing to put
yourself in relationship with those people and learn from them, this could be a
great opportunity for you to build a support network if you do decide to say yes
to a child with HIV. It's really, really important when you're raising.
it. And India is one of the countries listed in our top 10 sending countries chart
over at the Adoption Comparisons chart. And I'll link that chart for you in the
show notes. I think there's a lot of really valuable things to learn about adopting
from India in that chart. And there's some great communities for you to join once
you're part of an adoptive community from So, T .J.,
I hope this answers your questions. I hope it is okay that we gave you a ton more
questions to ask and think through. I think the thought exercise of asking yourself
hard questions and then honestly answering them is really valuable when you're
bringing home a child with a chronic illness or ongoing complex medical needs. If
you can ask yourself these questions and adapt that learn and keep learning
mentality, keep honest, open communication between you and your partner, you and your
caseworker, you and the child. As they're learning how to be part of your family,
you'll find the right path forward and thriving together. If there are kids already
in your home, again, keep that communication open with them and keep talking. And
please feel free to check us out at Facebook .com slash groups slash creating a
family to find other families who've adopted from India and other families who've
adopted kids with chronic special needs or ongoing illnesses. And you'll find some
support there in that community. So good luck and keep us posted. We hope to hear
from you some good news about whoever joins your family. Listeners, if today's
conversation was helpful to you, not just about HIV, but maybe living with and
considering a child with chronic illness or long -term diagnoses, we would love to
hear from you. Leave us a rating or a review wherever you caught today's episode.
And thank you so much for listening today.