The Only Way Forward is Back with Jackson TerKeurst

Jackson TerKeurst was born in Liberia and by the age of 7 was a war orphan living in dire circumstances. So how did he end up as an entrepreneur, leader, and now author? Join us for an inspirational conversation about identity, overcoming, and redemption from Jackson's new book, The Only Way Forward is Back.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Cultural differences 
• How challenges like poverty and food insecurity impacted your first experiences in the States
• How did your trauma manifest in your behavior at home?
• How did your family help heal those impacts?
• Discuss the additional unique challenges that being adopted as a teenager may have presented during your early months and years in your new family.
• Discuss how you’ve worked on answering "Who Am I?" across the chapters of your life?
• What were the helpful or healing experiences that went into pulling all those parts of your identity together to create today’s Jackson TerKuerst, husband, father, son, brother, entrepreneur, and now author?
• What would you say to parents or caregivers who are in the thick of it right now, walking with a child who is struggling to figure out who they are and where they belong?

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to Creating a Family. Talk about adoption, foster care, and
kinship care. My name is Tracy Whitney. I'm the content manager at CreatingaFamily
.org, and I'm also your host for this episode of our podcast. I am very excited
today to be joined by Jackson Turchurst. He is an entrepreneur and leader who defies
the odds as a first -generation immigrant from West Africa. He owns and runs a small
business. He is also now the author of "The Only Way Forward is Back," a story of
war, adoption, and finding your purpose in God's plan. He is a new dad as well,
and you might recognize his last name because Jackson's mom is a best -selling
author. Her name is Lisa Turkhurst, and he and she have some great inner weavings
in the story that I'm excited for you to hear about. We're excited to talk about
this story because we are excited about Jackson's passion for bringing people together
from diverse backgrounds and experiencing authentic relationship and that includes the
adoptive foster and kinship space when parents are raising kids from different
cultures, different races, and certainly from different families, building those
authentic relationships can sometimes be a challenge and also certainly a joy and a
privilege. And so we're excited to talk to Jackson today. Welcome Jackson to our
podcast. Thank you. It's so great to be here today. So let's get started with kind
of a brief overview of what led you to even be eligible for international adoption
that landed you in the Turchurst family? - Well, my story is one of complication.
It's a very complicated story, but God works in ways that is beyond my imagination.
So my story for me started back in Liberia in a small village called Fort Blight.
That's where I was born and where my grandfather was a witch doctor,
and my father was a town chief. My community, we thrive a lot based on our
tradition, and we also thrive just because we were very close and ate with each
other. And I honestly just remember growing up as a kid, just playing, having fun
with my friends and being loved on by my auntie and my mother until I was the age
of seven years old. And that's when the Liberian Civil War came. And this war,
they didn't just knock on my door, it stormed in, it stormed in my door and across
my world. But basically, the rebels came to my village and they just start killing
people, destroying lives and properties for no reason. And my aunt and I had skipped
into the safety of the jungle, where we lived for several months, living like the
animal basically, you know, scared out of my mind. I was almost seven years old as
a boy. But then fast forward, I was moved to an orphanage where my uncle took me
and his reason was that he couldn't take care of me himself because I mean
obviously it's a heavy war going on and he has his own family to look after and
he couldn't look after me so the best thing you tell what's possible was to take
me to an orphanage where I can have some kind of security for time being and
that's kind of where my my life started and that's where I became an orphan when I
lost my family in the village and then went to an orphanage and I lived in five
different orphanages and we, yeah, it was, it was terrible. We were,
me and other kids were all literally prone to diseases and illness, you know,
all the, all, all the time around it, you know, starvation was often charts.
So that's that's that's my life growing up and then Redemption happened redemption
happened whenever I went to the last orphanage. I was at and at this orphanage It
was ran by a gentleman named Pastor Kofi and Pastor Kofi was a street child himself
Growing up and he had a strong passion for kids who were on the street So He
created a safe haven for kids like me who were on the streets and had no place to
go. And he collected about 500 plus children off the streets.
That's incredible. Just one man doing that. And I was one of those children that he
gave the opportunity to give a home to a safe haven to. And through that he had
connections with other missionaries in the states here that were huge supporters of
him. So they came down to visit Orphanage where I was at and at this Orphanage we
were required to go to devotions in the morning and devotions at night and go to
church which was amazing because I mean having a life like that is great to
implement godliness in some kind of structure, you know, in a way for us because we
had no structure growing up. And through that process, I was able to say my
testimony at nighttime or in the, you know, in the mornings, I can sing a song,
or I can quote a Bible verse, or I can just stand up and say what I'm thankful
for for today. You don't have to be anything specific. So I did that several times.
And my friends and I just decided to sing one night, you know at the devotion and
we sung and next you know as other guys join us other guys join us before you
know it we had 12 boys in the choir you know we had 12 boys just hanging out and
practicing in our rooms and singing around town just risk money and feed ourselves
and take care ourselves and and this missionaries from America watch us perform they
were like oh my goodness we should bring these boys to America So they can tell
their story reading tell, you know, what's going on in Liberia the war the orphanage
and all this amazing things that happened here and God made it possible. He redeemed
me and redeemed us and 12 boys Was on a way to America for the first time ever,
you know And we were so shocked, you know, we just much in a culture shock and
different things when we got here, the weather, the food, the people, it was very
different. Yeah, so I want to go back for a second to you were talking about the
orphanage. And it sounded to me like you were saying that the pastor that was
running the orphanage understood not just the necessity of structure and predictability
and consistency for the kids that he was pulling in off the streets and giving safe
haven to. but it sounds like he also really deeply understood the need for community
that kind of launched you into this next phase of your life because that community
was where you felt safe to speak up and then learn to sing. And then that
community is where the choir came from, kind of stemmed out of that sense of safety
and community between you. - Yeah, I mean, like you said the best. And I said this
in my book too, that community is the remedy for chaos. And when chaos was
happening in my life, in our lives, Pasico, he created a structure for us to thrive
off of. And because of that structure he created with going to school and going to
devotion and doing your homework and taking shower bath and things like that, we, we
had no idea prior to doing that. He created that space for us to do those things
and learn those new traits in life. And because of that, I am where I'm at today
because some of the stuff stuck with me for life. It just stuck with me for life.
But fast forward now, we're in America and we are on tour, you know,
sharing our story of different churches and different organizations and whatnot. But
then something happened that was really, really, really wild, our visas were expiring.
And at the same time, the orphanage that I came from was being attacked by rebels
and was being looted and burned down to the ground by these guys. The evil,
crazy guys who have nothing in life to They just want to destroy, which is what
the devil does. That's what he's good at. You know, he comes to steal and destroy,
you know. So, but we couldn't go back home. We were homeless and God did the most
profound thing by giving us the answer to a prayer that we all pray for so many
years. And I, and I pray it was for us to find a lovely home and a family to be
a part of. And that night at that concert in Waxford, North Carolina, when the
preacher got on stage and shared our testimony with the congregation, and he spoke
to him and asked him to pray for us. There was a lady in the crowd who heard
that, who God was talking to. God was speaking to, and she kept saying, "Nah, la,
la, la, la, la, la, I don't hear you, God, I don't hear you, God, I don't hear
you, God." Which is, which is like, that's what we Oh, dude, we all tend to do
that often, right? When God's speaking to us. We just ignore God, we don't even
hear him, right? Because we're like, oh no, my way, my way, my way. But God can't
blame you on our heart. You say, two of those boys are yours, you know? And then
on our way home, her daughters spoke to her, they were like, Mom, bring the boys
home. And she was like, what? She's like, yeah, bring the boys home. We want the
boys home, you know? Because they connected us so well and fast forward you know
she brought us home and then she took us to she took a boys part to her church
in uh in charlotte and we performed at her church and she shared our story with
her church and next thing you know my friend the whole entire church adopted all 12
boys in a charlotte area that day that's incredible all 12 What was the time span
from when you all got to the states to when the last one was adopted? What's that
time span like? It was literally under a year and some change. And those of us who
are familiar with international adoption just know that there was a lot going on
behind the scenes that almost always makes that impossible and that's a fantastic
story. I am so curious. First of all, let's backtrack a little bit to when you
first came to the States and kind of the do you remember just one kind of funny
story of culture shock where you just kind of looked around and was like oh my
gosh is this what America is so many my first impression well first and first I've
never been an airplane before so when I got an airplane I was scared out of my
mind I'm like oh my goodness what there's just loads more things taking me to air
to do with me, you know, I was freaking out and you got airplanes like seats
everywhere so organized and you got people serving you and we're just like so
Liberian just so chowed and just screaming and yelling and so excited we didn't care
no decency out of the window man we didn't care about that you know we're just
like so excited and then we got to America and playing landing in Washington DC and
we were hit with something spectacular and that was the American cold winter wind.
Oh man, it knocked us out of our socks. - Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine.
I live in Philadelphia, so it's even farther north than DC. - Oh my goodness, I'll
tell you this, like you got African boys who've been used to the sun and warmth
and, you know, being being outdoors and come to America, it's like, it's so
freezing. So it was a quick shot for us for sure. We all ran back in and put
everything we had on us and ran back out into the bus. And it went to a place
called KFC, which we thought was like a fancy restaurant. And we were in all the
grass, the manicure, clean and nice. And cars parked over here neatly and cars in
line and employee dressing uniforms and they bring food to Unitray.
And we was like, "Wow, we fail so especially Kings." You know, and we had a bucket
of KFC chicken wings each. Imagine-- - Oh my goodness. - Hungry African boys.
So-- - And how old were you again? - We were around, - I was 15 years old.
- Okay, so hungry teenage boys. - Hungry teenage boys. But yeah,
that was the first question shock. And then on tour, after performing, people offer
us like hot dogs and sandwiches and things like that. And we were appalled. We were
like, why would you eat dogs? - Oh no. - Yeah. We was like,
oh no, we don't eat would like to eat dogs and they're like, no, no, no, no, no,
no, it just the sausage would have boned and ketchup and I was like, oh, okay,
okay, okay, okay, that is a strange name now that you mentioned it. It really is
like a hot dog. That's sad. That's scary. Oh, that's funny. Yeah.
Hi, I'd like to interrupt just for a minute and let you know about our jockey
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strengthen and equip and encourage your adoptive foster or kinship family. Go to bit
.ly /jbfsupport. That's B -I -T dot L -Y slash J -B -F support.
And check out the courses today. So let's move to adjusting to a new family as a
international adoptee, a transracial adoptee, transcultural adoptee,
all the things. What were some of the early life challenges that showed up in your
new life as maybe challenging behaviors or challenging thoughts,
things that kind of you brought with you that came to light in maybe some difficult
ways for your new family? - Well, I would say one of the things that came to light
when I was adopted as a teenager was a
Scared to the mindset because, I mean, in Liberia, we woke up every day thinking
about, "Oh, what am I going to eat today? What's on the menu? Like, where is food
coming from today?" So we're always worried about where food will come from. And
when we had food, we would hoard those food and kept it with us. So when we came
to America, same thing happened. My brother and I went to the grocery store. My mom
for the first time in the American grocery store, and we were overwhelmed.
- Oh man. (laughs) - By how many things were in there, but we had no idea what
some of these things were. So my mom grabbed some pork tenderloins and some brownies
and other things like that for the house or the family for dinner. And we came
home with a grocery, and instead of putting the groceries in a pantry, we should
have no idea what a pantry was 'cause we didn't have a pantry in Liberia. - Right,
right. - We didn't have a pantry, we didn't have grocery stores. So my brother and
I took the groceries into our bedrooms and put it under our bed, right?
- Yeah, yeah. - We put it under our bed because we were so afraid that after today,
there will be no food tomorrow. And if we put this under our bed, we will have
food tomorrow for sure, guaranteed. So we struggle a lot with the scarcity mindset
being an international adoptee into a land of abundance, you know,
because of the condition like that for so long. And another thing for me was that
I just, I struggle a lot to adapt to being in a loving family because,
you know, being an orphan for so long and being on your own and taking care of
yourself on the edge of seven until you're 15 years old. I mean, you've had a
pretty crazy life, you know, and now I've had this incredible family who is wanting
to take me in, love on me, show me life and give me all of these things.
But yet my trauma from my past was still hanging over my shoulder and over my head
to where I couldn't move past to really see what was happening and what these
people were doing to me.
of survival skill independence to an environment where you should be learning how to
be interdependent or dependent on your caretakers, your primary providers,
and the clash of that learning curve. - Yes. - Sounds like it was, I mean, you
mentioned that it was probably some heartache for your parents, but it sounds like
it was probably some heartache for you too of kind of Enquishing that control that
you were used to having. - Yeah, I mean, it was hard to really just let them be
who they were and what they were trying to do for me because I've taken care of
myself for all these years. Though I prayed to have a family, to have sisters,
and to have all these blessings, but when I got there to that front line, I was
like, "What do I do with all this - Right. - What do I do? - Right. - You know?
And that's when my parents noticed that I was still struggling a little bit.
And they implemented a few things, some structure in the home that was able to help
me to start seeing things from a different perspective. So, first thing I did was,
my parents reassured me and they said, "Hey, you're home now. "You don't have a
return policy. You are safe, you are our child, we love you,
we are so grateful you are here and we love you. You are here forever with us
now. So those affirmations kept playing my head over and over and then I got my
first job working at Chick -fil -A behind the registers.
Imagine African boy behind the register with North English, barely in English. I was
insecure. I was shy. I was timid. I was not confident in myself and anything at
all. I was not, you know, because of what my past has done to me. And that's what
often happened to us. But because of my parents, I was able to work at Chick -fil
-A and truly learn how to serve my customers. And because I truly learned how to
certain my customers, it took the focus off of my struggles to where I was able to
help somebody else. And that's what it's amazing. When you're going through a hard
time and a hardship, you take that focus off yourself and serve somebody else. It
does a dramatic, drastic change in your heart. And it starts to do that. And that's
what worked for me in the beginning. Yeah, we talk a lot here at Creating a Family
about building our kids resilience, building our kids' capabilities and their
competence. And one of the ways that we always suggest to do that is to get your
kids involved in volunteering, help them find a job, help them find a skill or a
talent where they're gonna find their niche and they're gonna just plug in to do
that. And it kind of takes that focus off the internal and shows them what they're
capable of. I love that they encouraged you to get a job, even though maybe you
were still struggling with the English language. That's fantastic. That's fantastic.
What were some things that maybe happened in the home that helped kind of reverse
some of those or heal some of those mindsets, the orphan mindset, or the scarcity
mindset? What were some of the other practical strategies that they did at home that
you can look back now and say those were really helpful? Yeah, for the scarcity
mindset, I would say that my mom just sat us down and she said that, listen,
listen guys, you're in a family now, family will learn to share with each other,
we share, you know, the brownies I made for the house, it's not for you, Jackson,
we can have all the brownies for yourself, right? Your sister needs some,
your brother needs some, I need some, Dad needs some, so make sure you keep some.
So she reinforced that in a family, you learn to share. You learn to consider other
people who are a part of your family, not just yourself. And that's something that
helped me really realize, like, okay, well, I can grab at least one and then make
sure I leave some for my other sisters. And then for my dad, my mom, my brother,
and then There's more left over. I can ask my mom if I can have this, right? And
I sort of realized it was things slowly. And then my parents got us involved with
youth group at church. So every Sunday night, we went to youth group and participate
in youth group and was just amazing. I formed a really solid group of friends at
church that I spent a lot of time with. Not just at church, but outside of the
church, like going to the movies or going to play soccer, going to the lake for
the day, having sleepovers and having come to the house and playing basketball or
soccer and just changing my mental environment to where I can think about something
different to be around other people who are different rather than what I'm so used
to, you know? So creating a safe space for me. And that's what it did so well to
help me thrive and move forward from those things that I was holding back. I would
imagine too having a strong peer support network like that also helped you look at
the way your fellow teens were living and they weren't living in fear all the time
that their parents would provide for them or not. They just assumed that mom and
dad would and we want our kids to assume that mom and dad will.
And so surrounding you with peers that could model that for you, not even knowing
they were modeling it for you, probably was also really helpful and good thinking on
your parents part. Yeah, good thing my parents part. Did a great job. I mean,
surrounding us with that. And then we also took family trips, you know, we did our
things together. We went to Florida to see my and my mom's family and dad's family
on a long road trips and my dad would pack the car and get in the driver's seat
and would help him load everything to trunk. You know, so we learned to be a part
of a family by doing things like that. - Cooperating and collaborating. - Absolutely.
- Tolerating.
(laughing) - And a sunny task. Jackson, you charge it in. - Nothing like a road
trip. Yep, yep. Nothing like a road trip to force that family fun. Yeah road trip
to New York to having a whole entire week in New York at a camp and to spend
time with all the friends out there. Just the environment our parents put us in
really helped us decide to see things from a different perspective rather than living
in our fear consistently or constantly because in Liberia we were always reminded
about death. I was always reminded about seeing my sisters being ripped, you know,
orphanage and starvation. And I mean, you name it, like, I was always reminded of
terrible things when I was there. But then when I came here, and I mean, I was
now an American teenager who was privileged and had all these amazing things. But,
you know, being around that environment, I was able to pay attention and see how
these kids were thriving in life and doing different things. And I wanted to be
that and I wanted to thrive in life and I wanted to be successful. So I was like,
Hey, if I want to be successful like them, I have to hang around them. I have to
pay attention to what they're doing so I can learn for myself what it is like it's
working in a positive way that I can apply to my life to be to move on to be a
better person for myself. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And 15 when you were adopted and 16
shortly afterwards. And so that's such a challenging time for any young person.
Your brain is changing so rapidly. You're reaching for adulthood. You're not quite
there. I would imagine there was maybe some additional layers of challenge that you
faced being adopted at that age when all the peers around you are reaching for
independence and well on their way to the life skills they need to be an adult and
you were still kind of doing like that ketchup mode. Yeah, I was playing ketchup.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How did that feel? Talk a little bit about how that felt for
you. It sucked. It sucked really bad. Just being transparent. It sucked really bad
because I mean, I'm 15, almost 16 years old. And when when my mom first adopted my
parents adopted us and they tested my brother and I to see where we're at in
school and we tested way below our actual grade like what a 15 16 year old kid
should be in America basically kindergarten level education man talk about confidence
draining like I just felt little. I felt like trash.
I felt nothing. I just felt lost. I was sad at the same time. But then,
you know, I thought about where I came from and where I'm at now. And I realized
that, listen, I'm in America. You know what? I have a second chance at life. I
have a second chance. I'm here. That part of my life stinks really, really, really
bad. But I'm not going to sit here and just be like, you know what? I'm
kindergarten level. I'll just drown in my sorrows and cry and, you know, pampering
all these things. No, I told my mom, I said, listen, I don't like this. I want to
be better. And she and I spent time together. She teaching me one -on -one,
home swimming and one -on -one. And I took my school education very, very, very,
very, very, very serious. 'Cause I knew that growing up in the village, my
biological father always told us kids, his kids, that education is a key for
everything. You know, you have to educate yourself. So whatever you do, go to school
and learn despite. And I was the first kid out of my biological family to come to
America and to have this opportunity, right? So I reminded myself that I'm here now.
So I need to make the best out of this opportunity. So I apply myself. I applied
myself. I applied myself. And before you knew it, I was graduating high school,
getting the award for the most improved student in the whole entire high school.
It's not amazing. It is. I have to admit, when I read that section of the book, I
got a little teary -eyed because that's like, I know how meaningful that would have
been for your mother, for your teachers, for everyone that was there kind of
surrounding you and supporting you and lifting you up. So it wasn't just your award,
although certainly that doesn't take away from your accomplishment. I mean, that goes
right back to that sense of community that you were talking about before. Like when
something is broken and wounded in relationship, it needs to be healed in
relationship. And though the relationships were different From Liberia to to America
seeing that that healing that took place in being Proclaimed the most improved
student. I it was that was a very impactful part of the book for me I appreciate
it and that's very true. Like my mom was my biggest cheerleader She wasn't me and
we came home, you know, I'm just
So you can keep bleeding out. Just like, yeah, thanks, mom, 'cause I didn't
understand what it was. - Right, right, right. - People are like, what does it mean
me? I never won a war before. Why did you see me, you know? - Didn't quite
understand the depth and breadth of it. Although I'm sure now as an adult, you get
it. And you know how big that really was. - Yeah, so, but that's incredible to have
that war and be able to defy those odds despite of my education, like how I
started to be able to move on to even work at Chick -fil -A, you know, Chick -fil -A
corporate as a, you know, as an intern and doing a leadership training with Chick
-fil -A corporate and getting to travel to Brazil to serve in Brazil. Oh, cool. You
know, that was my dream as a child to go to Brazil because I love soccer. I love
all the L .A. and Ronaldo, Rondinho, all these guys, my guys. And I went there I
was like my dream came true because of that. Yeah, yeah And then the greatest thing
happened. I went into college You know, that's something that no one in my
biological thing has ever ever ever accomplished And I was the first one in my
family to to get up there and when I got to college I was crying and I said man
I suppose my mom my biological mom or dad could just be here to see what I'm at
right now. - Right. - Man, how awesome is this, you know? So I was just proud of
myself for working so hard and to achieve those things, you know, for myself and my
family. - That's fantastic. Another profound part of your book that was very impactful
for me was how frequently you asked the question, "Who am I?" And I thought it was
a great exercise for you writing the story, sharing your story,
to reflect on who you are, who you were becoming, who you want to become.
But it was a really profound way to trace the development of your identity.
And I'd love to hear maybe a little bit more about why you chose that vehicle to
trace your identity throughout the course of the book? Yeah. In my story,
I talked about in my village, we had identity and we had community. But when war
happened, I lost everything. I lost who I was. I didn't know who I was. So I
needed to find out who I am. And all I knew in the past was that I was the
grandson of a witch doctor, the son of a town chief, I was a Liberian orphan.
I was a statistic of war. I didn't have a name, I didn't have a home. That's all
of those things were who I was. - Right. - But then when redemption happened,
when God brought me to America and it gave me the opportunity to start all over
again, I started to see who I really am. And the first thing that came to my
mind, to my heart, that got reviewed to me is that I am his child. I am his son.
I am not the son of the witch doctor. I am the son of the most high. So,
and I started to believe in that. And I told myself every day, you know what?
I am a positive role model to so many people. I am an inspiration,
I am a provider, I am a protector, I am, I am chosen, you know, and I am a
leader. All those things I told myself in that. So, but to know who we are, we
have to struggle who we were. So I always said, who am I? So this is who I was
and this is who I am. This is where we're going. So what about you? What, who are
you? What are you? You know, to where you can think about your story as well and
who you see yourself to be. That's amazing. I love that. I think it's such a great
way for the majority of our listeners are adoptive foster kinship caregivers,
adoptive parents, foster parents, adoption professionals, child welfare professionals,
etc. The majority of our audience is raising kids right now who are in varying
stages of grappling with that question, whether they've come out of the foster system
or they've come from international adoption or even domestic infant adoption. When
you're not in community with and connection to your first family that so often
informs so much of who you are and who you will become, it's a bigger question for
our kids to grapple with. And I just thought it was a really great self -reflection
tool, but I also thought it was a great vehicle for moving your story to where you
are now.
I'm sorry, one more interruption to talk to you about our YouTube channel.
We are now on YouTube. We've been on YouTube for a long time, but now we're doing
video format on YouTube. So you can watch us while you listen to us. And if you
would please tell a friend about our podcasting over on YouTube or wherever else you
listen to your favorite podcasts, we would sure appreciate it. We have two podcasts
every week. One is Weekend Wisdom, and then the other one is the weekly interview
format like we're doing right now. And so you can tell a friend about those and
watch them on YouTube or listen wherever you get your
I want to talk a little bit about some of the healing experiences that you've had
since you were adopted and how those helped bring you to the identity that you
enjoy now. So you know, working through some of those labels or your adoptive
family's context or other therapeutic supports or outside resources that your family
took advantage of? What are some of the things that kind of all went together to
pull you through to where you are now? - Oh man, I was just saying for me, it's a
self -desiree. Like you have to want that for yourself first and first. So I knew
that, you know, I wanted to give myself the best. So I needed to make some changes
to make that happen. And the first thing I did was that, you know,
I surrounded myself and still does surround myself with incredible men who are very
smart, knowledgeable, who I can go to and be very,
very, very open with and transparent with and they will not judge me and tell me,
man, you just suck, man, I just terrible, man, I just I don't never ever do that,
you know, like trying to appearance me. No, like they hear me out, what I have to
say. And they listen to what I have to say and they give me guidance. But then
it's up to me to apply that guidance. It's not up to them, right? And it did
their part, you know? So that's the first thing I did. And then second thing,
my parents really invested into us by, like I said, many times Getting us involved
with community, the right people, the right people around you, even friends you hang
out with socially, those make a huge difference in your life, you know? Because the
people you hang out with, I heard like you tend to be like them, right? So I
found friends who, you know, we call ourselves egos because we soar and we tick
off, you know? We don't have time to waste, You know, so those guys are like
hungry, they're energetic, passionate, driven, you know, focused. Those are my kind of
friends, you know, I keep in my corner that has helped me with that. And my
parents got up through therapy as well, with my brother and I, we did a lot of
therapy together, even with them one -on -one and also with a therapist. And then as
the years progressed alone, I took the initiative without my parents' consent after I
got older to keep applying that effort to my group. By presuming like,
you know, Darren, I talk about Darren in my book, he's a great therapist. He helped
me a lot through the process of understanding my trauma, understanding who I am,
understanding those things that has held me back. It's not my identity. That's just
something in the past that was temporary. I can't live enough forever. You know,
that That past, it shouldn't define me. It should refine me. It should push me to
be better, you know? And that's kind of how I see that. So things like that I
did. And I say this again, community is a remedy for chaos. Find a trusted
community. You can be a part of your trust group, your youth group, famous group,
other adoption groups, or foster groups, or anybody that is doing something that you
look up to and say, "Oh my gosh, I want to be like her. I want to be like him.
He's amazing. She's amazing." You know, like follow them, follow through with that
person, you know, and see what they can do to pour into your life. And that's what
I've done. - And at this juncture, I'm going to put in a little bit of a plug for
our online community where you can be surrounded by other adoptive foster and kinship
caregiver parents who get what you're going through. So if you're listening today and
you need a community, find us on facebook .com /groups /creatingafamily.
In that group, we also run advertisements for some of our more specialized online
learning groups. We have one for post -adoptive parents. We have one for kinship
caregivers. And all of those are just a great way to start building that sense of
community if you don't have one already. So Jackson, what would you say to a parent
or a caregiver who's kind of in the thick of it right now with their teenager?
Maybe the teenager is really struggling with identity formation or maybe the teenager
is new to their family and really struggling to adapt or kind of fit in and gain
that sense of belonging. How would you encourage that family right now? That's a
great question. So something I wrote here. I always tell my adopted parents and
foster parents is that I Want you to think about the fact that God has chosen you
for a reason He's chosen. He's chosen you Specifically for a reason not somebody
else like a sister your brother or you specifically Okay, and you want you to know
like God is still writing your story. Your story is still being written today, okay?
And you are not forgotten. You are not disqualified by your past.
There is hope that outlives the trauma your child has dealt with and lived through,
okay? If he can redeem a war often like me from Liberia, he can redeem you and
your child. If he can redeem a ward often like me from Liberia,
he can redeem you and your child You are chosen for the scare assignment God didn't
make a mistake when he placed this child or this children in your life You are the
right parent for these children for this kid. You are the right person.
I know it's harder to believe that sometimes or remember that, but I beg you please
know in the back of your heart and your mind that you are the right person. You
are not alone as well in this journey. Even when the path feels uphill,
God walks every step besides you. You are building something eternal.
The family story isn't just about today. It's about legacy,
healing and the hope for generations and generations to come. You are enough because
Christ is in you. You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent.
Just be a present parent. That's so good. That last line,
you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be present. And that is really the
essence of what we're trying to do at Creating a Family is prepare these parents to
be present for whatever it is the kid brings to the table. No matter what age the
kid is bringing it to the table. I just really appreciate your passion and I want
to hear what good stuff is going on in your life now? How is the story now?
Where is the story now? Well, the story right now, you know, it's right here, you
know, we're doing it right here right now. And that's that's one thing about it.
We've been on the 700 Club, Kirk Cameron, all the TV network and radios,
social media, Amazon, we are spreading this, this word of hope and redemption all
across, you So God has been doing his thing through me and through all the people
to spread this message because you know how powerful and encouraging this is. So I
am grateful for the opportunity I get to be here with you today and to share my
story and some encouragement to the amazing, amazing, wonderful foster kinship adopted
parents and out there that your story matters. And you are the perfect person for
this assignment. And God is going to keep doing more and more amazing things with
this. So I got more speaking engagements coming up next few weeks and also doing a
book, a book lunch in October here in Tennessee. And my mom will be here to
support that as well. So I'm looking forward to that. Yeah. So great things
happening. I'm excited. - That's awesome, I think it's a great testament to nothing
about adoptive, foster, and kinship parenting is mission impossible at all. It's all
possible, and I wanna just plug the book a little bit. - Woo! (laughing) - Looking
good, looking good. - Look at that, look at God, man. - I enjoyed it,
I appreciate that you took the time to write it, I appreciate that you're putting
the story out there and given hope and encouragement to parents and I hope that
continued good big beautiful things happen for you and your family. So thank you
very much for your time today. Thank you. That's so kind and sweet of you. I
really appreciate it and thank you again for having me and I really hope you keep
doing what you're doing because you've created a space for people like me to share
life you know and to encourage your missing parents who are and doubt the kinship
to keep going, to keep going and to be a present parent in the kids' life, despite
of how hard the task is for them to handle or guide for them. So thank you all
for all you do. - Thank you, we appreciate it. - Yes ma 'am.