Tips for Welcoming Home Your Newborn - Weekend Wisdom

We frequently hear from waiting parents that they are unsure when to prepare the nursery, what formula is best, or how often they should expect to feed their new baby. It's a huge life transition, and we thought today we could talk about some basic baby care tips to help you think about what's next for you and your family when you get the baby home.

Resources:

• I'm Adopting a Baby. When Do I Set Up the Nursery?
• Essential Baby Care for Infant Adoption
• Stocking Your Medicine Cabinet for Baby
• Understanding Post-Adoption Depression and How to Manage It
• First 6 Months with a Baby Exposed to Opiates

Transcript

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.

Hello and welcome to CreatingFamily .org's Weekend Wisdom podcast. I'm Tracy Whitney,
the content manager at Creating a Family, and I'm glad to be your host today.
Weekend Wisdom is a short podcast where we share our expert -based resources, life
experiences, and practical advice to help you work through a question that you've
sent us. So if you have a question about adoption, foster care, or kinship care,
please send it to info @creatingafamily .org. We'll comb through our archives and work
out an answer that hopefully strengthens your family. We also offer an online
community that is active and welcoming and inclusive of all members of the adoption,
foster and relative caregiving community. You can find us at facebook .com /groups
/creatingafamily. You'll learn there with others about meeting the needs of the kids
that you're raising in your home, and you'll have an opportunity to build community
that supports and encourages you and helps you be the best for the children that
you have in front of you. Today's topic is a compilation of several questions that
we hear quite frequently from waiting parents, both by email and in our online
community. Many waiting parents don't know when to prepare a nursery, what formula is
best, or how often they should expect to feed their new baby. It's understandable
because there's a lot of questions involved in bringing home a baby and many of you
have never done this before. I love helping new families find their way. Welcoming a
new baby, whether it's by infant adoption or by foster care is a huge life
transition and I count it an honor to come alongside families like yours to help
you figure out some of the nitty -gritty practical things. I've gathered up a few
basic baby care tips that will help you think about what's next for you and your
family once you get that baby home. First, let's talk about setting up your nursery.
When you are waiting for a baby through infant adoption, your agency or social
worker very well often has insight on what this should look like for you and your
family. Timing, things that you might need depending on the baby that you've agreed
to take placement for. And even if they don't have those kinds of tips and insights
for you, there's a couple things that are helpful to consider. First, are you a
planner? I am a planner. I need to plan as far in advance as I possibly can.
However, infant adoption and welcoming a baby through foster care that may have been
in the hospital before they've come to you is a whole nother ball of wax. So think
about whether or not you're a planner. Do you feel soothed and calmed by physical
preparations? Does it make you feel anxious or insuspense to have physical
preparations already done, especially if you don't know the timing of when the baby
is coming home? If you have a partner, what is their take on all of this?
Depending on your answers and /or your partner's answers, setting up the baby's space
in advance can be very helpful in making your next steps feel real. The second
question to consider is can you afford your plans right now? Should you space out
those purchases and the decorating over a longer stretch of time so that you can
manage your adoption expenses? Financial stress can significantly impact your ability
to enjoy the baby in the early days that you bring them home, whether it's by
foster care or adoption. You should consider setting up a budget for what you think
you can afford for this baby space, what you maybe are dreaming of and then maybe
what you can actually do and how they're different and what the gap between the two
is and talk about it with your partner if you have one. They may have a very
different take on how to handle that kind of financial stress. A third thing to
consider is how short notice do you think this placement will happen? For example,
many hopeful foster parents who are open to fostering a newborn may get the big
call for an immediate placement, and so having just a bassinet and a few key items
on hand is the bare necessities you need to get through the first few days. On the
other hand, you might have some long -term notice, especially if the baby is in the
hospital withdrawing from opioids or other substances. And so you'll have a little
bit of time to get some of those necessities in place. And try to remember, babies
need a lot less at the beginning than you think they need. Really a place to
sleep, some clean diapers, food and that kind of thing. There's a lot more to cover
when we're thinking about planning a baby's room. And so you might enjoy the
article, "I'm adopting a baby, when do I set up the nursery?" on our website. We
will link it in the show notes for you. Next, let's talk a little bit about baby
care. Three of the most basic elements of baby care are feeding, sleeping, and
crying. So we're going to talk about those three very briefly, and there's more
resources linked in our show notes to help you go into each of those items in more
depth. When you are thinking about feeding the baby. It's most common for adoptive
and foster parents to be feeding with formula and so consider what the hospital or
the former foster parents have been using with this baby. Many formulas come in both
ready -made liquid and powder form so you can stock up on what the baby is used to
or what the pediatrician recommends for this baby. The same is true of bottles and
nipples. Start with what the baby is already used to if you can, and then expect
that that baby may need to eat every two to three hours for the first several
weeks, although that is subject to change based on a baby's sleep patterns, based on
baby's growth spurts, based on baby's need for comfort, and those kinds of things.
Be flexible and alert to their signs of hunger so you can start to learn their
cues and then responsibly meet those needs. Finding the right formula if you don't
have that already in place. And the right combo of bottles and nipples often takes
a lot of trial and error and it often changes as the baby grows and settles into
good rhythms in your home. Just work hard to be observant of the baby's cues and
responsive to their needs along the way and kind of set the expectation for yourself
that you're not gonna get it the first time out the gate. Another big issue that
parents wanna talk about is sleep. And I, for one, never understood why folks say,
"I slept like a baby." Like, that's a good thing. Baby's sleep can be noisy and
restless and erratic for a very long time after they come home to you. It's
exhausting for both the baby and the parents. Most babies will start to develop some
predictable -ish wake -and -sleep patterns after a few months, and you can start to
track those and start to respond to those once you see them developing. Did you
know that the average newborn can sleep from 16 to 18 hours a day? Your baby will
benefit from establishing a very calm, kind of loosely held, peaceful nighttime
routine as early as you can manage it, but again, when you hold it loosely, then
it gives you the freedom to be responsive and meet their needs. And I will tell
you, it'll change just about the same time you think you've nailed it. So, again.
for some help. Let them bring a meal or two. Stick one in the freezer if you need
to. Take them up on the call me if you need anything and set the dirty laundry
out in the front hallway for them to pick up when they come by. If this baby has
experienced prenatal substance exposure, their sleep patterns might not be as
predictable nor will they settle out as soon as maybe a typical baby's would.
So, remember that babies exposed prenatally often struggle with exposure to light.
They struggle with sensitivity to noise and temperature. They might have a harder
time being soothed and so sleep can be a really challenging thing when you've
brought home a baby with prenatal exposure. Our parent training course called First
Six Months with a Baby Exposed Opiates will be linked in the show notes for you
and it can give you more detailed information about how to support a baby through
these challenges. Finally, the third thing that a lot of parents of newborns ask us
about is crying. It's really hard when this baby is crying and you don't know how
to help them. The most important thing to remember about babies and their crying is
that this is their only way of communicating to you right now. Figuring out what
baby needs, how to meet that need, and consistently responding to that need is the
foundation of forming secure attachment. And so you might feel like you're aiming at
a moving target. But this is a prime example of where your effort, not necessarily
your outcome, really matters. Being responsive to and present for this baby's cries
tells them that they are seen, they are heard, and that they are not alone in
their distress. Some babies are soothed by motion. Others are soothed by being held
really close and firmly. Still others prefer patting or rubbing their backs, and
sometimes different cries will need different responses. The act of trying and
continuing to try signals to this baby that their voice matters and that you are
with them. This is another area where accessing the support of your community can be
really helpful. Focusing your time and attention on this new baby, whether you're
fostering or adopting, is your priority. You can't be replaced in this dynamic of
building attachment between you and the baby, but allowing others to step into the
practical areas of things like meal preparations, laundry, grocery pickup, et cetera,
will be invaluable towards allowing you to be fully present for this growing
relationship between you and baby. We hope these tips can help you get into a good
groove in the early days of welcoming a baby home to your family. Be patient and
gracious with yourself and with the baby. It's hard to build a safe trusting
relationship with a newborn because it takes time, it takes effort, and you're
exhausted. But these early days are so precious towards learning each other and
learning what the baby needs from you to feel safe. If you've liked what you heard
today, please leave us a rating and a review and share this podcast with a friend
who might also be welcoming a new baby. We love the opportunities to strengthen your
family and the ratings and reviews and the word of mouth that you share help us
get more information out to more families. Thanks for listening and have a great
day.