A Glimpse Into the History of Creating a Family

Join us for a look at where CreatingaFamily.org - and this podcast - began and where we are heading from here. We talk today with Dawn Davenport, the founding Executive Director of the organization, as she prepares to retire from Creating a Family.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Tell us how and why you started Creating a Family. Why start a non-profit?
  • The Complete Guide to International Adoption: The Step by Step Guide to Finding Your Child
• Do any significant moments stand out from those early days of setting a path forward?
• Who were the hands-on folks behind the scenes in those early days?
• What were some of your hopes and dreams for this new venture when you started podcasting?
  • What were some of your most memorable challenges?
• How has the world of podcasting changed in the 18 years since you launched this one?
• Were there one or two “big fish” you were excited to get?
• How have you seen the Creating a Family podcast impact the families we serve? The professionals?
• What are the most significant challenges you see facing our community of listeners / adoptive, foster, and kinship families in 2025? 
• Do you have any lessons you’ll take from this season of your life – as a professional and/or as a parent?
• What are you most excited about for the future of CreatingaFamily.org?
• Do you have any retirement plans? 

Transcript

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.

Hello and welcome to Creating a Family. Talk about adoption, foster care and kinship
care. I'm Tracy Whitney, your host for today's episode. If you're brand new here,
welcome. We're glad to have you. And if you've been here for a while, you'll
understand when I say that today feels a little bittersweet for all of us at
Creating a Family dot org. We're taking time today to talk with Dawn Davenport, the
founding executive director of the organization, as she is her transition into
retirement. We're excited for this rare opportunity to hear from her about the birth
and growth of creating a family over the last 19 years, and we'll also talk a
little bit about the next chapters as the organization grows from the trajectory of
supporting foster, adoptive, and relative caregiver families. Dawn,
thanks for taking time to do this. I know doing something like this is not
necessarily your favorite opportunity but we're really grateful that you're you're
opening up like this today for us. I always like to talk to you so but it is
weird to have the it does have it's weird to be sitting in the interview E seat
rather than the interviewer seat so it is if this is new for me but you know what
new things are good gross change are good yeah yeah says the woman who's about to
embark on new things all at once. Yeah, exactly, right. Exactly. Amen. So,
well, let's start at the beginning then. Can you tell us how and why you started
creating a family .org and why start with a nonprofit? Oh,
okay. Well, that's a good question. The nonprofit part. Well, my background is in
law. So I came from that background. I also, my family is formed through birth and
adoption, and had seen in the adoption space a real need for information for
parents. So way back in 2006, I hope we get this right,
I wrote a book, got picked up by a double day Broadway, so it was published
nationally. And part of that was part of the not requirement, but you know,
when they give you in advance, they ask that you have, it's totally different now,
but you need today what they called a platform, and that really meant a website.
And a presence, I mean, social media was just kind of beginning back then. But
anyway, so I created a website, honestly, just to promote the book, really, to be
honest, just because it was kind of a requirement. I thought, okay, I'll just have
this and, you know, it's called, We no longer have the domain that was finding your
child because that was tied to the title of the book. The book was on adoption. So
anyway, so I had that. And a part of that is you have a contact form on the
website. So I was putting up, I don't even know if I started blogging then, back
then we called it blogging. Oh, I guess people would still call it blogging although
now we call it articles. But I don't even know if I originally even started that
but I did have some resources up there but I would, because as anybody who's
listened to this show for a while knows, I love to research. So I would research.
So what happened was people started sending in questions and to contact us. So I
would research the answer and post it. And so we were, I was doing a lot of that
or I would incorporate it into a blog or somehow or post resources on it. So
that's kind of how this all began. And then after a while, I of thinking, "Oh
gosh, there's really a need out there." I mean, I guess I knew there was a need,
but even a greater need.
And why a non -profit? Well, there certainly wasn't going to happen. This was never
going to be a for -profit, so that was never going to happen. To put it mildly,
providing support and training for foster, adoptive, and kinship families is not a
moneymaker, so that's why it was a non -profit. And once you started the website and
the book, how soon after that did the podcast come along? - I was contacted by
Radio Station. Back then it was called Internet Radio. This would be in probably the
beginning of 2007. And actually this one might have been a terrestrial radio asking
me to do a show. And I started talking to them about it and It didn't feel like
the type of show that I was interested in, it felt more fluff and not as helpful
as what I thought, "If I'm going to do this, I really want it to, I really want
to answer questions, I really want it to be providing what I would want or what I
did want as a parent." Because honestly, that's one of the beauties of the podcast
is that I would be facing something and I think, "Oh, I can get an expert on this
question that would help me. So they approached me. So I decided that what they
were interested in probably wasn't a good fit for what I was interested in, but I
did see it as a good medium. So I and actually Jamie Gilmore,
who is our assistant director, she was a very part time at that point because she
was still she was a youth pastor at our church. And I was her second in command
because my kids were at that point, some were entering adolescence, so I was her
second in command heading up the high school age youth. Anyway, so she was helping
somewhat, and so we, it was blog talk radio is what it was called. God, the sound
quality, I just... I remember. I just shut her to think about the sound quality. In
fact, we had Adam Davidson, who was the founder plan at money for those of you who
know a terrific still going, he is no longer with it. But it's a terrific podcast.
Although at the time it wasn't called a podcast, he became, because of things that
were going on in his life, he became a big follower of our podcast at the nascent
stage. And then he joined our board for a while. And he kept saying,
you got to do something about the sound quality. You got to do something. And I
would be like, what? Oh, things have certainly changed. We completely overhauled it.
Thank God. Yeah. Yeah. So other than Jamie, who were the other significant persons
kind of behind the staff in those early days? Really, it was just Jamie and I.
I took no salary. We paid Jamie a pithance. She was still working at the church.
And so it was truly just the two of us that were, we had people that were
advising us, I mentioned Adam, but there were many others who were advising us and
were extremely instrumental. And my dear husband was agreeing to help us. He's a
financial wizard, and so he was helping us figure out, although there wasn't much to
figure out since there was nobody coming in. So that was, it was more how much we
were going to spend on this. Anyway, Anyway, yeah. - Do any significant moments stand
out from those early days, things that just were kind of maybe lightning bolts that
said, oh, this is what we need. This is where we need to go when you were
plotting those early plans? - You know, two things. One, the comments.
You know, I know people who are listening. You don't realize, until you're sitting
in our seats, you don't you don't realize how important, well, ratings, put in a
plug now, please, everyone give us ratings. I cannot tell you how important that is.
However, specifically, the answer to your question was comments. People would post
comments back, I mean, this was so, such an early, this was 2007, and like I said,
podcast wasn't even a name. And people would leave comments and they would, but both
on the blog, but also on the podcast. And it meant so much to me.
I would reread those comments. We still do that now. Tracy can tell you, I can
tell you, it matters so much to us. And back in the early days,
it felt like, well, even now, unless people comment, you feel like you're talking
into the vast blankness. But the comments connect you to the people. And I can't
tell you how much when those started coming in, I would read every one of them
over and over again and just kind of kept me going. It would be like, okay, this,
it seems futile at some point. And we were certainly, you know, I had stopped
working and it was doing this full time. There was zero money coming in. So that
was putting a strain on us. Plus I was needing to pay Jamie. And it was,
it felt stressful, but every time a new comment would come in, I'd be going, okay,
I am meeting a need. And I was that person, you know, and I was meeting my own
need. So that was a big one, as obvious as it might seem, it was such a big
deal. And it still is a big deal. Tracy and I read every single one of your
comments. And we read them out at our staff meetings, not every one of them, but
often Jamie, Our crescent will pull a comment and read them out, and it just makes
so much. The other was when Dr. Karen Purvis, who I had such respect for,
was one of our very early on, she was a guest. I don't actually remember what year
it was, but it was very early on, and she and I really hit it off. We approached,
well, I followed her approach. I won't say that we approached parenting kids who
have Um, she would say come from hard places, parenting kids who've experienced
trauma. We approached it the same way, meaning that I agree. I followed her and I
don't know how many times she has been on, but she was a huge supporter of our
organization and a huge supporter of the podcast and her support meant the world to
me to the point where I could call her up and ask her questions. And then again,
I don't remember the year, but when we were celebrating our one millionth download,
she said, "Absolutely, I want to be a part of this." And that was our anniversary
as in October. And so she was on October and she passed away in December and I
felt like, "Oh gosh, I did not realize." And I worried about it. And then I talked
with, or just somebody at the organization, her organization. And I said, "I feel
bad that she did this," and they told me, "Don't feel bad. She was so looking
forward to it. She wanted to do it. She would have said no if she didn't want to
do it, so anyway, and she was terrific, as she always was." Yeah. We were so
fortunate to have her support and her encouragement and her perspective,
her viewpoint and just the innate preciousness of each child. And that's kind of the
fuel that keeps us all going 'cause being able to stop and say, you know,
even in my own parenting journey, I've been able, I've used her words and her
encouragement and her trainings to just stop and say, each one of these children is
precious in their own tiny little way and meeting their needs is the highest honor
of my life. And that's really good fuel in the tank, so to speak,
for both parenting and for the work that we do at creating a family. And she has
a positive approach to it as well, which it's funny. I just talked with another
person on our staff, Sarah Moser. She is our prenatal substance exposure expert.
And she just finished, for those of you who don't know, we have workshops for both
parents and child welfare professionals, two separate workshops on prenatal substance
exposure, there are three session workshops. And she just finished one yesterday, I
think it was, you know, I was talking with her yesterday afternoon. And this one
was for child welfare professionals. And she was saying they had gotten such positive
feedback. And I was saying, that has to make you feel good, sir. I said,
because you've put your heart and soul into this. And I said, I hope you allow the
positive comments to really penetrate. And she said, you know, the one that made me
feel the best was that one of the professionals said, what I like best about this
training was that it felt positive. And I really thought about that.
And Sarah said that she goes, I haven't heard that much about this training. And
then she and I started talking about, you know, when you're working with kids who
have had prenatal substance exposure, alcohol and drugs, or kids who've experienced
just trauma, it's easy to focus on the negative. And it's a real trap for those of
us in this profession. You guys on the staff have heard me talk about this at our
staff meetings. It's a real trap because we all feel the overwhelming need to to
prepare parents, because we know parents who are unprepared are the ones who we see
really struggle. And oftentimes, the placements don't make it. So we have unstable
placements. So we have this need to prepare you. And there is a temptation to
think, okay, we got to tell them about this. We got to tell them. And either all
the negatives, of course, we're saying, you know, we got to say about this, we got
to tell them about this, we got to tell them about this and prenatal substance
exposure. These things can happen. These things can happen. if you don't do this or
all the secondary impacts, blah, blah, blah. Right. And yet it goes back to what
you said, each of these children, they're not damaged goods, they're precious human
beings that can heal. And our job is to help them reach their potential. And we
have to focus more. It's a, it's a fine line, walking that line between preparing
people, but also sharing the boys, you and I are both parents through adoption.
We both have kids who've come from hard places. I keep going back to Karen's
terminology. And I just, I mean, it's been the most joyful thing in my life.
I love it. So anyway, one of the things I loved about Karen is that she also
focused on the positive. And I love that we've worked really hard to walk that line
and always air on the side of joyful hope if we can, where we can.
That's one of the things that drew me to the organization back in 2007 when I was
looking for more than my local agency was able to provide for me. I just needed to
know that I was doing everything I could do to prepare. And I knew where to go
when something hit us that I maybe wasn't fully prepared for. And that's how I
found creating a family. - And then joined us. I mean, Tracy, when you say go back
to the beginning, you weren't at the beginning, but God, you've been nine years?
- Yep, yep. I joined in 2016. - But you were an active participant in our support
group long before then, which put out a plug for our Facebook group, create a
Facebook .com /group
Yep. And that was my entry into the organization. I was just looking on social
media, which was new at the time. I know. Looking for information to support myself.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to take a minute and remind you about our
Weekend Wisdom short practical podcast that we release every Saturday morning. We take
one of your questions and we dig through our archives to find an answer that will
help strengthen your family and help you solve your dilemma. If you think you have
a question that would be appropriate for weekend wisdom, please send it to info
@creatingafamily .org and we'll put you in the queue and we'll work on finding an
answer that strengthens your family. Thanks so much and now back to our interview.
You mentioned the online curriculum that we offer for interactive training in groups
for prenatal exposure workshops and for support groups for parents. Was any of that
on your radar back when you started podcasting venture? No,
podcasting, nor even when we started the organization. Truthfully, I wish I could say
it was because it would sound better, make a better story that says it. The vision
has been fulfilled. And truth that is absolutely not, and we were truthfully winging
it, just following the need is what we were doing. And honestly, a bit what we
still do, we try to follow the need. We do have, you mentioned the curriculum.
Yeah, it's different from our workshops. I will point that out. The workshops are
like three sessions. The curriculum is designed for an hour and a half, either
training or support group. But no, we did not have that plan. Nor honestly,
I guess the first thing we started was our online education center, our online
courses, one hour courses. We didn't have that planned either. But it was like,
we're sitting on a gold mine with right, we have almost 18 years worth of
interviews from the podcast of the top experts and many of which many of whom not
just Dr. Curtis, but Gregory Keck. I mean, just so many people who you might not
know about now, but we're really big names who are no longer with us until many of
them who are still with us, you know, Bruce Perry and others who have been one. So
we thought we've got to start using this material in a way because not everybody is
hard for me to believe since I'm a podcast addict, but not everybody is. So how do
we use these in other ways? So yeah, that started that was probably the first we
started and that wasn't even on our radar at the very beginning. Right. and just
harnessing the power of these amazing experts. And really, many of them were pioneers
in the field. - Absolutely. - And this whole field of understanding the impacts that
trauma and neglect and abuse can have on a child's developing brain was so new to
all of us. I think the first podcast I listened to, because I didn't know,
was not a huge podcaster at the time. I'm addicted now, thanks to Dawn's influence.
- You're welcome. - I just sat and cried. I could not believe all that I didn't
know, first of all, and then all that I had ahead of me to do, to help my kids
heal and help my kids thrive. - Did it feel overwhelming? - It did feel overwhelming,
but that Facebook group of people who were also feeling the same thing as me was
such a source of comfort. And we joke among us that that's kind of where we go to
hang out even now when we're online, but it is true that when I was having a day
and I just didn't know what to do, that's where I'd go. And I'd read about other
families' experience and the same stuff as me or I'd ask a question and I'd get
such great answers from adoptees or from birth parents or foster parents who were
kind of in the trenches of doing it with, you know, multiple different kids and I
just had one in front of me, such a source of support and encouragement. So, yeah.
What was one of the biggest challenges that you faced when you were kind of
starting on this responsiveness to the need that you were following? What was one of
the biggest challenges that you just felt like, oh, we've got a big nut to crack
and I don't know what to do about it? Well, honestly, just the mechanics of running
a nonprofit was probably my biggest challenge. I felt,
I mean, there are multiple challenges. One of course is how do you meet the need?
And you would think in many ways that that would have been the biggest challenge.
But for whatever reason, the way my interests, that was what I was interested in.
That was what was my passion. So that was fuel to me and that was exciting. But
the actual, how do you run a nonprofit? How do you figure out how to make a
nonprofit support itself? All of that, it wasn't my passion and it wasn't necessarily
in my wheelhouse and I knew I had to grow in that area. So I treated it as a
challenge. Okay, I can figure this out. You know, I always look at difficult
situations to get somebody else's figured it out. If they can do it. I can do it,
which now that I sound that sounds pretty egotistical, because there's some things
that I haven't been able to figure out. But I always go in with the assumption
other than heights. I always think, no, I can't do that. Anything with heights? I
go, no, no, they could do it. I cannot do that. So for me,
that was the more challenging of the many obstacles that were existing. But I think
one of the things I've admired the most about you in the years that I've known you
is that it could be to quote you a big darn deal and you might feel a little
kind of overwhelmed by it but you have been so excellent at surrounding yourself
with people who can bring that expertise to the table or bring that support and
encouragement. So let's pivot a little bit and talk about how you grew the board of
directors and how kind of that vision started and what you were looking for when
you were starting to put all that in place? That's a good question. That was a
major learning process for me. And periodically at board meetings,
we, especially when a new board member joins, we go around and introduce everybody
and what drew them to service at creating a family. And
times, what they will say is that I suck them in or I envelop them in my net,
which makes me sound like the black widow or something. But in fact,
that's how I, I mean, I don't think I suck them in, nor do I think I had my
net. But I do, when I would meet somebody who felt like spirited, they would have
a spark that you could tell that they cared about some of the same things that you
and I have talked about walking the line between preparation and positivity and joy,
which is a really hard line to walk, as we said. So that but also recognizing that
parents need help and that they're afraid to ask for help oftentimes and judgment is
huge in this field and so being able to support in a loving and kind way. So when
I would find people who you could just tell. And oftentimes there were people I
interviewed on the show or I did a lot of presenting at conferences and I could
listen to somebody and I would go up and I would start talking to them and then I
would just ask. And a lot of them fortunately said yes. And so we've had,
we currently have a wonderful board, but we over the years have had really strong
people on the board. And as you say, surrounding yourself, because no one knows all
the answers, you know, and so surrounding yourself with phenomenal staff and a strong
board, that is the magic sauce. Yeah. We're so fortunate to have a board that's so
supportive of all of the adventures we go on as a team for continuing to meet the
needs of the audience that we're serving. So big shout out to past board members,
but also to current board members, to whom we are very grateful. - Exactly. - Yeah.
So, you mentioned the technical challenges of getting a podcast up and running.
How have you seen podcasting change in the 18 years since you launched this one?
- Oh gosh. (laughs) - I know, it's a big question. - Oh,
let me count I mean, anybody who has been involved in podcasting,
it's in the last, truly the last 10 years, there has been a total sea change.
Just as a small example, when sending emails to potential guests, I didn't use the
word podcast for, I would call it a radio, a radio interview, because people
wouldn't know what a podcast was. So I would just think it's easier for me to
explain what this is, but everybody would know what a radio interview is.
So that's my subject line was always radio interview request. And then I added
internet radio interview requests. And then eventually I switched to podcasts, not
because I was hesitant to use the word podcast, but because the people who I was
asking wouldn't have a clue what it was. I guess one of the advantages probably at
the beginning was that there weren't a lot of us doing it. So it allowed us to
get a, I was gonna say a toe hole, but really a foot hole. So I don't know if
we, have we bragged about this on the, I don't know that we've bragged about this
on the show, but let me brag now. - Go for it. - We are, well within the last
month, we received notification that we first were told that we were ranked number
12 in all parenting podcasts, which blew my mind because parenting podcast is a
huge, uh, the area. Yeah. Huge category. Thank you. Category. I'm like, wow, that's
amazing. And then I guess they were releasing, uh, rankings at the different
categories and that's obviously was a big category. So that was one of the first
ones. But now they've got other rankings and we are number two in child welfare,
number two in foster care and number two and adoption. So I know,
yeah, no pressure on you Tracy, right?
So getting that toe hole foothold really helped because we were, there weren't a lot
of, but there also weren't as many listeners. So it's kind of a double -edged sword
now. I am so thankful that we're not, I think it'd be very hard to start a
podcast now because there is a big audience And that's the good news. The bad news
is that there are so many, many, many podcasts. There weren't a lot of resources
available for those of us doing it at the beginning. And we didn't have the funds
to avail ourselves to, we could have, you know, built a studio and doing stuff like
that. But we had to be renting these things because we didn't have, you know, we
just didn't have all the, we didn't have the money. Now there are a lot more
resources. And now resources, and now we've grown up, we have a wonderful sound
engineer, Sarah McGown, and anybody who's looking for a great audio engineer,
look at her. Yeah, she's fantastic. She's fantastic. Now she's on our staff, she's
been a contractor now, we've hired her on our staff, so there are just so many
resources that are available, and quite frankly, Zoom, Zoom didn't exist way back
with. We were having to do it over telephone lines. So anyway, a lot has changed,
including the number of podcasts. Yeah. And at this point, I will put a plug in
for our listeners who've been listening to Dawn for a very long time. Be patient
and gracious. I'm on a learning curve, and I'm doing my best to meet your needs.
And I am so thankful and so honored by the opportunity to fill Dawn's shoes, but
it's it's big shoes to fill. Well, when we first approached you with this, you
could see Tracy's eyes get real big and she was like, "Really?" And what Tracy has
always said about me is that I am, I say hell -bent, she probably says heck -bent,
but determined shall we say, to drag her into her discomfort zone,
out of her comfort zone. She has said that about me from the beginning. And I take
great pride in that. You know, when I love about you, Tracy, it's that you boys
said yes. Every time we say, would you be willing? Like I used to do all the
blogging. And then I said, Tracy, you've got such a voice. I would love for you to
start doing that. And you were like, Oh, I don't know. And I don't know if I can.
And I went, Oh, yes, you can. And it was a learning curve. You said, you and you
kept saying, I saying, I just, I haven't found my voice. And then you found your
voice. And the same thing will happen here. You already are finding your voice. And
shout out to my two favorite high school English teachers, Mrs. Lewinsky and Mr.
Capitano for nurturing my love of writing. I always wanted to be a writer,
always dreamt of being able to have that voice. So I was more and happy to find
that voice and use it. I don't think that I was quite as happy when you asked me
to start being the host and then sprung it on me that we were going from audio
only to video and that was a big-- - That wasn't exactly planned, I must admit. I
did think when we decided, and the reason just for the audience, the reason that
we've done that is that YouTube is, which by the way, everybody, shout out. We are
on YouTube and YouTube is the fastest growing podcasting platform and we've been on
YouTube for a long time, audio, but I always thought who listens to audio on
YouTube. I'm sure plenty of people do. Apparently. And then about six months ago, I
was saying that in a staff meeting and it was brought up. Well, most people are
not listening to audio. They're watching video. We were like, Oh,
So Tracy and I were like, oh, I said, oh, does that mean I have to actually put
on makeup?
And then the real one was, God, that means I have to fix my hair? Yeah,
I will say one of the proudest moments of my career, aside from being asked to do
the writing and then the podcast, is when my daughter -in -law said to me, "Yay,
mom, for doing it scared." And that was probably the most gratifying thing I've
heard from anyone in my life because the fact that I could do it scared and that
my daughters in particular are watching me, made me so proud. My sons are really
good at doing stuff scared, but I really appreciate that my daughter in law and
daughter -in -laws both and my daughters are watching and are seeing me do things
scared and I tell them all the time that this is the scariest thing I've ever done
but I was really proud of that. But you know that's bravery I mean and that is
the essence of bravery or courage is I mean there's a I can't I don't know who
said it but you know it's it's not courageous if you're not scared so the people
who are are doing the hard things. It's not that they're doing it because they
aren't scared. They're doing it even though they are scared and that is bravery. And
I think you're brave. Oh, thank you. It's easy for me to keep choosing that because
I feel so passionately about strengthening families and helping kids find paths to
healing from whatever it is that they've experienced before they came to the family
that they're Ian. Yes. I'm sorry to pop back in on you, but I wanted to remind
you about our free monthly newsletter. If you sign up at creatingafamily .org
/newsletter, you can pick a free download that suits your family's needs,
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monthly newsletter with that free download as our gift to say thank you and now
back to our interview. I want to know kind of switching gears a little bit if
there are one or two other than Dr. Purvis, which is the big catch for all of us
that we are excited about here. Was there one or two big fish that you were pretty
excited to get as guests on the podcast? - I mentioned Bruce Perry.
I have a lot of respect. I believe, I believe we've interviewed him twice. I'm
pretty sure we have. I, Tracy's shaking her head. - I think so, yeah. - Okay. It's
funny how much I forget who we have interviewed. I know that seems, to you right
now, it seems unimaginable, but I promise you you're going to also do this. I
never, ever go back and listen to shows. I just don't. So off of the top of my
head, I almost hate to answer that question 'cause I will leave somebody out that
is big and important and that was meaningful to me and I don't wanna leave anybody
out. And honestly, just because I get as much joy out of discovering a new expert
or a new person, or lived experience, one of my favorites. We've done this a number
of times. We do panels, I've done panels of transracial adoptees.
I love adolescence, the age, adolescence. I didn't so much love it when I was going
through it, but I love hanging out with that age. When I, for 16 years,
I worked with the youth group at church. And I always gravitated towards or asked
to be placed with the high school ages. And I've loved doing those panels.
I find that I get so much out of them. We've done panels of former foster youth.
We've done panels for those youth that were being raised or were raised in open
adoption. Panels of birth parents. All of those in some ways have been the most
meaningful. And as you will find out, doing a panel show is one of the harder
shows to do, 'cause it's hard to interview in a way that, and I'm not sure that
we've always done a great job of this, but where you're making sure that everybody
gets a voice and that, but you're also, it's hard to do a conversation, which our
style people learn through conversation more than monologue, even though this is
turning out to be a big monologue, 'cause I'm because I'm talking mostly. But
nobody's learning anything here, so it's okay.
So it's harder to do and it's much harder to book, especially that age.
They don't use email, so you have to text. I know I sound like the old foe,
you know, my lawn. But it's like, oh gosh, I have to,
I text all the time, but it's really, I don't have, it's not in my business
workflow. So it's harder for me to do. Anyway, for all of those reasons, they're
harder, but I always leave those shows feeling invigorated. So I think I will, I
would pick that one, those, those many of them, what we've done. They're super
impactful. They are, they are. And parents who've raised kids or are raising kids
who are prenatally exposed, we've done those. We've just done a lot of panel shows
of lived experience. And Those are probably the most meaningful to me. - How have
you seen this podcast impact the families that are listening and that we serve?
- That goes back to, we are so dependent on our comments because we don't know,
we're talking into the abyss and it's so helpful to have comments coming back.
And also comments, people don't comment as often on articles anymore, but those also
are meaningful. And our support groups, especially the large online one, when we hear
positive comments about I realized that, you know, attachment is a two way street
that if my child is struggling, the first place I need to look is myself because I
have power and control over me as the parent, whereas I may think I have power and
control over my child, but the truth is I have less. There are things that I could
do. What do I, what am I bringing to the table from my own history or from my
stubbornness on my parenting style or whatever, you know, and when I see people grow
in that way where they're willing to look or people who were afraid of open
adoption and were coming to it. And we try to take it as a nonjudgmental approach
when they say, I don't want openness because I don't want two parents rather than
saying, well, "Well, you shouldn't adopt." We would say, "We will try to explore
with people." Well, when you adopt, they do have two parents, but why is that
threatening? You had two grandparents, couldn't do love them both. There are things
that we can hold your hand and walk you to help you. And when we see people open
up to that, are people who are afraid to take a child who, let's say, had been
sexually abused because they're afraid of the ramifications. And we can help show
them ways that they have the power to help these children heal and then they feel
empowered and to know that they can keep coming back to us and we'll be here, you
know, we'll be here to answer your questions and to support you. I think that's
probably the most meaningful. I totally agree with that and I think that's one of
my soapboxes in the larger creating a family Facebook group that we run is just
creating that warm, safe space for, we call them newbies, to ask the questions that
may feel, to us who've been doing this for a while, may feel like kind of a
strange or ignorant question, but there's no stupid question,
there's no stupid inquiry about where to start, how to do this, what's the right
posture to take? And I'm so tender and protective of our newbies because I remember
how it felt asking questions that seemed like common sense to everyone else when I
asked it. But it wasn't common sense to me because I had spent all these previous
years raising biological children who didn't have the same context. So yeah,
I think that's that's one of my favorite impacts is when we hear somebody say,
"When I was brand new and I didn't know what I was doing. You guys really held my
hand and helped me find my right footing. - And we have to shut down, honestly some
of the people who've been a while who want to say, well, of course you should know
that or of course you're doing it all wrong. And Tracy more so than me,
but me as well. And our other moderators, we have a group of moderators. And we
say, look out for those people, jump in and shut down the naysayers and say,
you didn't know all this stuff at the beginning either. So, you know, we don't say
it this way, but hush.
- Be kind. - Put a sock in it. Yeah, we don't say, be kind. - I don't, we don't
say put a sock in it. - We don't say, I'm not, you would never buy. I think, no,
I don't always, but I do say, be kind. - Yep. So we have a really strong voice
and mission to support parents and caregivers, but we also direct a lot of our
content to professionals. And I'm wondering, when you are networking with
professionals, what are some of the feedback that you get from them about the
resources that we've created over these 18 years? A couple of things. My favorite
one is when they say, "Oh, I recommend your resources to all of our parents. And
that just, I know, I feel says exactly how I feel. And I say, "Well, you know,
thank you." Because if you create a wonderful resource, we do a great interview with
a wonderful expert on the podcast. Are you write a phenomenal article, or we create
an unbelievable training or a curriculum or a course or something along those lines?
And Nobody uses it, well, it's just, it's worthless. So I absolutely, it's like,
okay, you are helping. And I say that, I say, well, you are helping us achieve our
mission because we can do all the creating. We're good at that. But the distribution
that we need help with. So that's one of them. The other thing that I love when
talking with professionals is we feel like we have a really good finger on the
pulse because we interact with our podcast audience through comments and things.
We interact with our really large, we're over 11 ,000 members in our online support
group. And then we do training, so we're talking with, and we have a kinship
advisory committee, we have a youth advisory committee. So we're listening, we feel
like we have a good finger on the pulse, but professionals have a different finger
on the pulse, not better, but different. So what I really appreciate is when
professionals will say, and we encourage this so we do hear it, you tell us if
there's a resource that you need that we don't have, that is really helpful for us.
And we rely on professionals to let us know that. And it's really interesting the
things we will hear and we'll think, oh, I didn't think about or I thought that
was well -covered, we love that because it helps us if they see the need then that
tells us we can jump in and try to meet that need. Yep and we've got resources to
help. Yeah and if we don't we will create them. Right that actually just happened
this month we had an article that we had archived because it was very old and one
of our professionals reached out to us and said I can't find that article anymore
and I use it for my demographic quite frequently and so I slated it for a
republish and I took it back out and I updated it and I changed the graphics and
I updated the language and got everything ready and I sent her I went live last
week and then I sent the link to her and started a whole conversation between her
and I about this community that we serve and how we can better serve them and how
we can get to know each other better to continually meet the mutual needs of the
communities that we're serving. So it was pretty exciting. - Another example of that
is we have a partnership with a number of states, but in this particular case, it
was a state of Nebraska. They utilize all of our courses. And so if you're in
Nebraska, make sure you're using, you get them all free through our partnership with
the state. But they needed, well, they've asked for a number of courses, but one
was on trafficking and they needed that to train their foster parents. And we've
done, we have a number of resources, but we did not have a specific course on it.
And I said, thank you for telling us that you need this. We absolutely and
reasonable and prudent parents standard. I actually thought that that had been well
covered through pre -service training for foster parents. So I didn't think we needed
to do that and they came and they say, well, actually, no, we want to make sure
that it covers a number of things that they didn't feel like the current trainees
covered. So we were able to create a training for them on that. And I wouldn't
have known if they hadn't had asked that they thought that the current what was
existing for everyone was really not meeting their needs. So listeners, if you are a
professional or if you are a parent or caregiver, give us your feedback. We love
hearing from you and we really do try to implement the suggestions for research or
suggestions for topics that you send us. They are so valuable to us. And the best
way to do that would be comment on the podcast. Yep. Or you can send an email
info @creatingafamily .org. However, we really would appreciate the comments on the
podcast because It helps us for other reasons in addition, so selfishly,
please do it that way. Yeah. Or do both if you have to. That's fine too. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. All right, all right. You can do it both ways. Yeah. If you have the
time, cut and paste. Yeah, cut and paste. Exactly.
One more interruption, I promise. We have a library of free courses that are
specifically designed to support and encourage and strengthen your family, whether you
are foster, adoptive, or kinship caregiver. We have 15 free courses at bit .ly
/jbfsupport. That's B -I -T dot L -Y slash J -B -F support.
The Jockey Being Family Foundation generously provides the resources for us to offer
all 15 of these courses, you can take one, you can take two, you can take as many
as you need that are in the library for free. And now we're gonna go back to the
show. Thanks so much.
Let's look a little bit towards the future here. What are some of the greatest
challenges that you see facing the adoptive, foster and kinship spaces as we move
forward from today? - You know, I don't know. I always hate those, you know, looking
into the future future because it makes me feel like I have a crystal ball, which
of course I do not. We're entering a time where there's threats to funding, and
federal funding has so far been crucial. Everything's up in the air, so it's really
hard to know. Is that really going to be an issue or not? I don't want to be a
doomsday profit here, and so it may not be. I mean, I just don't think we know.
So that's an issue. Other than that, it feels like we do not see a reduction in
children who are exposed to alcohol and drugs that will continue to be whether
they're in or the foster care system or not. We know that all the demographics we
serve foster adoptive regardless of the type of adoption and kinship all and we
don't see that that is decreasing. I hope very much that it will and getting the
message out about alcohol and pregnancy is important. But then we see a much greater
exposure to marijuana now. So I don't see that decreasing. Right now,
the number of kids in foster care actually is lower, not hugely lower, but a little
bit. And that's a positive trend. There's also a big movement towards getting
children place who enter the system, enter the child welfare system, getting them
placed with extended family. That's a very positive move.
A big fear I have about this is I think there is, and I'm gonna say up front
that this is not universally shared. So this is my soapbox right now. We'll see, I
hope I improved wrong, but there's a huge push to place kids with relatives,
there is not a concurrent push to support and educate these relatives that the
children are being placed with. And it feels a little like very often that children
are being dumped with relatives. It's like, okay, it's cheaper for us.
It's, you know, and so there are moves now to be able to financially support Ken,
who's our licensed disfoster parents and some in some states, even if they're not
licensed, that's a tremendous step forward. And because finances matter, money matters.
But, and I say this is coming from the training and support space, but there's
equal need. Just because you're placed with a relative doesn't mean that you have
not experienced the trauma that comes with a, even if it wasn't an abusive home, a
chaotic home, a neglectful home. I mean, grandparents are not stepping in when
everything's rosy. Usually something bad, not always, but almost always, something bad
has happened in that child's life, so that their parents are not able to raise
them. And these relatives, most often grandparents, but also aunts and uncles, older
siblings, neighbors, teachers, so these fictive Ken and Ken, they need support and
training in there. It's a challenge and so that's one of the greatest challenges I
think facing our field and one that certainly we are taking extremely seriously at
creating a family is how do we walk alongside our relative caregivers.
And I don't know that anybody has cracked that nut yet, but we are certainly
attempting to crack then that we are working on, we just are hopefully this next
month starting the pilot of a curriculum that's geared exclusively for kinship
caregivers. It could be used as pre -service if they're going to become licensed, but
we anticipate more often it's going to be used after the child. Whether you're
licensed or whether you're a grandmom who just showed up at the house and said,
"Okay, these kids aren't being neglected. I'm going to take you home," or "The kids
were dropped off at me and the parents didn't show back up. So whether you're
formal or informal relative caregiver, it could be used after the child is in your
home. It could be done one -on -one with you. It could be done in a group. It
could be done as a training. It could be done as a support group. We're gonna
start a pilot and an evaluation for that. So stay tuned. We hope this time next
year that our results will be in and that it will be evidence -based and that we
will be ready to distribute it to those who are not in the pilot. So anyway, I do
perceive that that is a big issue in our future and we're trying very, very hard
as an organization to meet it, but it's a challenge. - Yep, it is,
I'm very excited about the pilot. I'm very excited about the curriculum and what we
put together and the needs that it brings up that they might not even know are
coming down the pike and tools that we're putting in their hands to help them meet
those needs. And I will say that Tracy has a specific foot in this, hand in this
pie, I guess not foot in the pie, that's not the right one, hand in the pie. And
that in addition to all the other things she does for us, she also is the
facilitator of our online kinship support group. So anybody out there, you could not
have a kinder facilitator or a more supportive group, but she's excited. I don't
think you're you're not part of the pilot though, are you? No, my group is not
part of the pilot, but we meet on the 4th Thursday of every month at 7 o 'clock
Eastern Time by Zoom. If you are interested, email me at tracy @creatingafamily .org.
We are forming this little community of connectedness, sharing the ups and downs of
the journey. One of the things that I'm learning about these kinship caregivers that
I support is that sometimes they don't even know what they don't know. How many of
us know what we don't know? It's true. It's true. But the opportunity and the
privilege of bringing information to them and saying here's what might be going on.
One of my favorite conversations that we had in that group was the topic of
behavior is a communication of a need and so it's so easy to just look at the
behavior and be frustrated by you know annoying behavior or be overwhelmed by ranting
and raging and things like that but when we talk about the fact that those surface
behaviors are because of an underlying unmet need kind of seeing the light bulbs go
off when we talked about that as a group and it's is powerful for you as a parent
or a caregiver. - So powerful. - Yeah, it's like, oh wait, okay. I can need, I can
need. - Oh, I can need that. - Yeah. - The tantrum, not so much, but the frustration
that's leading to it, yeah. - And all of us get frustrated, yes. - Amen. - We all
get frustrated by those tantrums. And we all are overwhelmed and we feel our own
blood pressure rising and in our own dysregulation. - We have our own buttons that
are being pushed, yeah. Mine are different from yours, from yours, but by golly.
- Exactly, so that's one of my favorite things about the kinship community that I'm
working to build and create together. Let's get a little bit more personal now and
talk about-- - Oh, let's don't. - Oh! - No, you can, I don't know what you're gonna
ask, but okay. - I wondered if there was any personal lessons that you took in your
own growth as a mom or as a professional or as you know, human living this life
from the season of life when you were, you know, building this organization and
doing the hard work to set the foundation sure, or some of the life lessons that
you took away. Trace, you kind of say hard question. I know it is. I'm not going
to do a softball. Please do a softball. Not all of them.
That's hard because there are so many. I guess if I'm trying to think if there's
one thing that I truly believe that I've learned through parenting below those many
years and below these many children is the importance of having fun as a family.
I know that's probably not what anybody is anticipating, although if you've, back
when I was doing the articles, that is something, if you've read all of mind you
would see, I think that's, if I had a tip, my number one parenting,
I think I actually had a blog that was called my number one parenting tip. Yeah.
And that's it. It's easy to get into the rut of parenting, which we have to,
we have to have routines. I love routines more than, especially as a parent. And
now that my kids are all flown the coop, I have fewer routines that I like not
having, but I find that I still have to have some. But with my children, I
absolutely had to. And we're focusing on, okay, meeting these unmet needs, are we
focusing on they're in the stage, or we're focusing on, okay,
we've got soccer practice, or we've got little league, or we've got, you know,
dance, or we've got, you know, it's easy to become just, it feels like you're a
machine, not a family, you're a machine that, Okay, this is here's the I mean and
honestly, this is how our weeks would sometimes look anybody who's a parent would
know this Monday, we've got so -and -so going here. We've got so -and -so going here.
Okay. We the other two are gonna have to have breakfast over here I mean dinner
over here. Okay, who's gonna be home, you know with the ones here. Who's gonna be
going here? Okay, how are we gonna get you know, they're this person over here this
person over here or somebody then says, oh I really want to try out for the play.
Okay, do we have as a family, do we have the bandwidth to add one more thing
plays? We'd always say yes to because it was usually, you know, a limited time, but
oh, I want to try Taekwondo. And it's like, okay, I remember we said no to Cub
Scouts. We just said, we as a family, Boy Scouts, we will make a point out, but
Cub Scouts, we as a family do not have the bandwidth to have another activity for
a couple of our kids in the week. I know that's I know that's controversial and
people are gonna say, oh, but it was such a good thing to do. And it probably is.
And we did do Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, so, okay. But we just said no to the,
no to Brownies and no to Cut Scouts. But it's easy to forget that what holds you
together and what binds you is the joyful, the fun things that you do together. And
that's as important for the parents as it is for the kids. And I think if there's
one message I would have. And I say this on the end, like I said, my kids are,
I'm an empty nester now. And I look back and my children look back. And it doesn't
have to be the big expensive playing games at dinner every night, something,
you know, that our family did. But, you know, we also did for us, it was a TV
show, not a movie night. But, you know, anyway, we would do movie night or TV
show. And it doesn't have to be expensive going on hikes until that no longer
became something that one of our kids would stomach and, you know, listening to him
complain about it was too much. So then we had to shift. You know, that's the,
that was also the reality. And truthfully, I had to shift because I loved it.
One of my dreams as a parent was being able to go take my kids hiking and it was
fulfilling a great need for me. And it worked for a while until one of my kids
turned 13. (laughs) And then, and then honestly-- - 13 is its own beast.
- Yeah, it just didn't work anymore. And I had to say, okay, I'm the problem here.
There has to be, this is no longer fun for us as a family. - Right. - Fun for me,
but not for him. So anyway, I had to give it up. And so anyway, that would be my
one thing, I guess, if I was gonna say, I'm not sure that answered your question,
But oh it does and that's actually what I was hoping that you would answer because
it has also been one of those things that You've been such a great mentor to me
in so many ways parenting professionally all the ways but this issue of having fun
with your family and setting aside space and time for making memories and Sometimes
that looks like planning nothing and sometimes that looks like forced family fun
forced family fun and putting it on your calendar. That was what, that was the eye
opener for it. It has to be because in the chaos that is family life,
regardless if you have one child or eight, the chaos is such that if it's not on
the calendar, it doesn't happen. - Yep. We have just two children living at home
right now. So we're not close to the emptiness that you're enjoying yet. But I look
back and I think how on earth did I do this with all six kids living at home at
the same time and only one car? How did we do this? How did I do this? Because
my husband traveled almost full time. So it was easier with just one car because
then you could just say no. It was a forced no. It was a forced no. Yeah. I had
two cars and it wasn't a four and my husband didn't travel a lot. So we had to
force the no on ourselves, which makes it harder. - Yeah. So what are you most
excited about for the future of creating a family? As you're moving aside to welcome
this new executive director coming up soon, what are you most excited about? - Linda
Fiori is joining us as our new executive director. And I am so, one of the things
I'm very excited about is her and having her join us with her energy, her
background, you know, the things that she is bringing to the table, which I'm very
looking forward to. And the other thing is going to sound pandering, but it isn't.
We have such a strong team. People think of creating a family, often think of me
because they hear my voice. But the truth is, I am the tip of an iceberg. And
it's the part that's under the surface that you guys don't see is so so strong.
I cannot, I can't speak highly enough of everyone who we have on our staff.
And we feel like we're, I mean probably Jinx this when I say we're beginning, we
feel like we're a well oil machine. There are some creeks and I know there are
places that we as a group, as a staff think, oh, we could put a little oil on
this one.
For the most part-- and this is where we've been working in progress, and we will
continue to be. If you're an evolving organization, you have to evolve and change
and recognize strengths and continue those and recognize weaknesses. But I am so
excited to see where this staff will take this organization. And I feel so proud to
know that regardless of if I'm here, the organization is going to go places. They're
going to soar and I can't wait to see how you soar. Oh, I'm excited about that
too. I think a lot of it, we need to give credit where credit is due. And it's
because of your very intentional, thoughtful pursuit of excellence and of
responsiveness. I can hire you if I care well, yes. I'm sorry. I spoke over you,
sorry. - Nope, that's fine. You've been so thoughtful and intentional in setting a
sure foundation. And we're very grateful for that. It's positioned us very well for
welcoming the next executive director, but also for the next chapters of the
organization. So one more question. The listeners and I would all love to know if
you have any big plans for your retirement season of life. That's a work in
progress. It is something that I am being very intentional on because I know myself
and I know that I want to continue to give back and utilize my brain.
And I've got a couple of ideas, but I'm being very intentional and I'm being very,
I don't know if I'm being thoughtful. I hope I'm being thoughtful. I do know I'm
being intentional. So I guess it's TBD to be determined, but we do have a very fun
trip plan that I am looking forward to in September. And so the hubby and I,
my husband and I are going to go to France for a month. So I am very excited
about that. That is exciting. Yeah. And of course, grandbaby snuggles. Well,
yeah. Yes. I now am a grandma too. So all I should have mentioned that first.
To be honest, that is what I am looking the most forward to is there is something
really special about as you now are a grandmom. Yes, I am. I am looking so forward
to that.
I'm so excited for you. It is truly special. And of course, I do have the two
most adorable grandchildren in the whole wide world. In North Carolina. Other than
yours. other than yours. - Minor in Pennsylvania. - Yeah, yeah, okay. The two of the
four most adorable. - Exactly, exactly. We'll share the audience. - We'll share, we'll
share, yeah, yeah. - Well, Dawn Davenport, thank you so much for your many years of
service and commitment and passion for the adoptive, foster, and kinship communities
that we support and serve. Thank you for your time Today, I know being on the
other side of the mic is not your comfort zone, but we really appreciate this
opportunity to hear from you directly about where we've been and where we're going,
and we're grateful for your time today. Thanks so much. - Oh, you are so welcome.
And you're right, it wasn't my comfort zone, but this was fun. Thank you. - I got
to drag you out of your comfort zone. - Turn around, spare
- Oh, that's great. (laughing) Thanks so much for listening. Bye guys.