How Much Should I Prepare Ahead of Time for an Infant Adoption? - Weekend Wisdom

Question: My husband Sean and I are here in Canada and early in the adoption process. We are looking at private infant adoption through an adoption agency.  My question is around getting ready. When we successfully match it is almost a certainty it will be with a newborn and there’s a 30% chance it’s a no-notice match and we have days rather than months to get ready. How would you recommend preparing? Do you think getting a crib, clothes, etc. is overkill? I’m a planner, so I love to be prepared!  Thanks!

Resources:

• Suggested Books for Adoption
• Creating a Family Online Support Group
• Transitioning a Child to Your Home

Transcript

Please pardon any errors, this is an automated transcript.
- Welcome to Weekend Wisdom by Creating a Family. Creating a Family is a national
support and training nonprofit for foster, adoptive and kinship kids, as well as
families, obviously. This Weekend Wisdom podcast is our opportunity to answer your
questions. So please, you guys are doing a terrific job, but please submit your
questions, more questions to info family .org.
That's I -N -F -O at creating a family .org. So today we're going to jump into the
question that we received from Josh. He says, "Good morning. I am a regular listener
and was hoping to submit a question for Weekend Wisdom. My husband Sean and I are
in Canada and early in the adoption process. We are looking at private infant
adoptions through an adoption agency. My question is around getting ready. When we
successfully match, it is almost a certainty that it will be a newborn, and there's
about a 30 % chance that it's a no -notice match, and we will have days rather than
months to get ready. How would you recommend preparing? Do you think getting a crib,
clothes, etc., is overkill? I'm a planner, so I love to be prepared. Thanks.
Well, Josh, you are a man after my own heart. I, too, am a big planner,
and I just love these type of questions. I'm also a researcher, and I'm going to
answer this question assuming that you are, too. And by research, the best type of
research you can do is to talk with other new parents, especially those who are
probably just maybe one to two or three years at the most ahead of you in having
kids. If you don't have any of those in your life. There are books out there to
help you get prepared. One good one that I've heard about, I actually haven't read
it, but I've heard it's good. It's called Baby Bargains and to help you figure out
what you need to buy and what's the, and I'm putting air quotes around this, the
best of the things that are out there. So your situation is really of two competing
but equally important goals and that is you want to be ready, yes, but you also
need to protect your heart. It is hard to have everything ready and then you are
just waiting. It's a tough position to be in. So first question is what type of
timeframe is your agency telling you? Now, I'm gonna be honest, it's gonna be really
hard for them to give you a really close timeframe because as you well know,
expectant moms and or couples are the ones who choose don't know who they're going
to choose and at what time frame. So it's really hard, but they can give you
averages and you should be asking that. You probably already have. Do keep in mind
that it could take over a year and sometimes two years to be matched. The other
thing that I think most new parents, especially parents before they actually have
kids, don't realize is that newborns and babies actually need much less than you
might think. Now parents may want a lot of stuff, and that can be fun. I will
grant you that, but newborns actually need very little. The other thing that you
should think about is that you're going to be given a lot of hand -me -downs. Now,
it's easy to turn your nose up and think, "Oh, I don't want somebody else's used
stuff." But there are so much, especially in the way of baby gear, that you really
only need for such a short time that it's a real blessing to be given stuff.
For example, the swing, if you even use one. Some babies love the swing. It is
like magic. I had one of those, but the swing takes up so much room.
And what do you do with it? They aren't very compact. Even when you try to, even
when you store them, they're not very compact. So you can spend a lot of money on
a swing. And number one, your baby may not like it. Number two, it really only
works for a very short period of time, and then you're stuck with storing this
thing. But there's a lot of other stuff, including clothes that, you know, they wear
for a newborn period, they wear those clothes for literally sometimes weeks, only
weeks. So anyway, you will be likely given or offered hand -me -downs sometimes for
you to then give to somebody else other times they may want it back if they're
planning on having another kid, which brings me to my next point, and that is how
much you buy is often at least somewhat dependent on how many kids you want. If
you know you want two or even three kids, or that's what you hope to have, then
it makes sense to invest in some things, but if you think this is going to be
your one and only, then do you really want to spend that much money on something
that's going to be used maybe for a month, so you have to think about that. The
other thing is that people love to give baby gifts and chances are good that you
will have either a pre -baby baby shower or perhaps more commonly in adoption a
welcome home party after the baby arrives. You can register for what gifts you want
and like I said people just love to give, I mean I love to give baby gifts, I
love to shop for baby gifts but having said all of that As a planner like you,
I get the joy of planning and researching and decorating a nursery and dreaming.
It's all part of the dream stage, you know, of of kind of imagining your life and
and that's fun. The only thing I caution you on is don't undersell the pain of
walking by an adorable, completely decorated nursery that has no baby. So what do
you actually need if you agree with my theory theory that just get the very, very
minimal basics and then see what you need afterwards. And don't also underestimate
how much you can get done in the two days you may have or when that 30 % that
you have very little time, you can also get some of this stuff then. But anyway,
what do you actually need? Well, the baby needs a place to sleep and you need to
decide whether you want the baby to sleep in a crib immediately or in some type of
bassinet, perhaps in your room. If you decide a bassinet, research the one you want
and consider buying it ahead of time, especially if you can store it in a closet
somewhere so you don't have to look at it, or ask friends if anyone is out there
that has a bassinet you can borrow because again you're not going to be using it
for very long and whoever has it had used it for a very short period of time. The
other thing is research the type of crib you want because you are going to need
that and where you may want to get it, where the best place to buy it might be,
but don't buy it until after the baby comes unless you decide that the joy of
designing and decorating the nursery overrides the potential pain of seeing it empty.
And there is no right answer there, okay? The other thing is some newborn diapers,
but don't buy too many because they won't stay in it and your baby may be very
small and need preemie diapers. But a few of those having a pack or two of born
diapers on hand is a good idea. The baby will also need enough onesies and gowns
to last, oh, a couple of days. Figure that the baby will go through at least two
a day, although you may go through more changes, just depending. But you can always
wash, assuming you have a washer and dryer. People love to give gowns and onesies
as gifts, so don't go overboard. And honestly, your little one's going to outgrow
this size very, very quick. In fact, if people are wanting to give you gifts, I
always recommend asking for the six month size or bigger because nobody's giving you
those then and they'll stay in that size for a fairly long period of time. The
other thing you could do is research the type of bottles you want to use and how
many you think you will need. And there's books out there to kind of help you and
your friends can help you. If they're easy to get, hold off buy more than just a
few. If they're not, if the type you want, you're gonna have to order, or they're
hard to find, go ahead and buy what you think you'll need now. I would definitely
hold off buying formula, 'cause you don't know what type of formula the doctor's
gonna recommend for your baby. Something you will need is a baby monitor. Again, if
you like to research, that's a fun thing to research, or it is for me, but that's
something you know you're going to need so you can get it small, you could put it
in a closet if you don't wanna have to at it. You are going to need swaddling
blankets. You can always buy more later, so just buy a couple for now. Again,
you're going to be getting some as gifts. And again, you're only going to use those
for a couple of months max. I am sure that I have missed some things that you're
going to actually need. So you have friends who've recently had babies, ask them
what else you absolutely must have. As to the other smaller baby stuff,
you can easily order it after he or she arrives. And as for decorating the nursery,
if that's something you're planning on doing, and not everyone is, some people just
have a room and they're not decorating it. But if decorating a nursery, only you
and Sean can decide how to weigh the fun of that doing it now versus the possible
pain you might experience with walking by and seeing this wonderful nursery with no
baby, you could compromise and start thinking of things now on, how you would do it
and then not start for a period of time, maybe say six months, wait six months or
so, and then begin. Of course, if you're lucky, you may have the baby sooner, but
in that case, you'll just be decorating the nursery after they arrive. So, you know,
no harm, no foul. So you can spend your time and excess planning energy on adding
things to your baby registry for the welcome home baby shower. If you decide that
you don't want to do too much ahead of time. You can still have some of the fun
just by adding things to, adding things and taking things off the registry. Anyway,
Josh this is such an exciting and nerve -wracking time. I am truly happy for you
and Shawn. Please let me know when the baby arrives. I really mean that. Thank you
for listening everyone to Weekend Wisdom. Let me remind everyone that we want your
questions, so please send them to at creatingafamily .org.
And thanks for listening to this week's Week in Wisdom. If you liked it, please
tell a friend to subscribe to the creatingafamily .org podcast. And I will see you
next week.