Using This Time of Shutdown to Develop Resiliency in Our Kids and Family

How can we use this time of isolation to develop resiliency in our children, ourselves, and our family. We talk with Roxanne Thompson, a Licensed Professional Counselor with The Institute for Attachment and Child Development in Colorado. Her expertise is in trauma, abuse, attachment disorders and family systems. She currently serves on the boards of the Colorado State Foster Parent Association and the Colorado Coalition for Adoptive Families.

Transcript

spk_0:   0:07
Note this is an automatic transcription.  Please forgive the errors.

spk_0:   0:07
Welcome to Creating a Family Talk about Adoption and Foster Care. Today, we're going to be talking about using this time of shutdown to develop resiliency in our kids and our family. This is the fourth in a five part series we were doing on surviving and hopefully thriving during the Corona virus Shut down. The 1st 3 were surviving, being cooped up with your kids during Corona virus isolation. The second was homeschooling kids on top of everything else during current of ours, and the last one was how to juggle kids schooling and work during Corona virus without losing our mind. And you confined those by going to our website, creating a family dot or go to the horizontal menu at the very top of the page. Hover over resource is in click on podcasts, or the easiest way is just to subscribe to this podcast on whatever podcast app you prefer. If you're using an iPhone, there's a built in podcast app from Apple, but there others available. Urine Android. There's lots of free ones that you can pick up at the Google play store, so just whatever ap. Ah, if you're listening, you may already have a nap. Search for creating a family, talk about infertility and adoption and click. Subscribe. And then you have access to not only the five part serious, but also all of our archive of shows that we've been doing since forever. Well, not forever since 2007 anyway, which seems like forever. So, ah, hop on over there, you subscribe or go to the website and and get it to and enjoy. All right. Today we're gonna be talking about using this time of shutdown to develop resiliency, and we'd want to be talking about not just resiliency for our kids, but also for us and for our family, the family unit, the family system. We're going to be talking with Roxanne Thompson. She is a licensed professional counselor with the Institute for Attachment and Child Development in Colorado. Her expertise is in trauma, abuse, attachment disorders and family systems. She has worked extensively with foster and adoptive families and serves as a national trainer. She co founded Adoptive Family Resource is a non profit organization that provides post adopted services to families with Children with psychological needs, and she currently serves on the board of the Colorado State Foster Parent Association and the Colorado Coalition for Adoptive Families Welcome Roxanne to creating a family were so happy to have you,

spk_1:   2:39
Thank you. I'm happy to be here, all

spk_0:   2:41
right. Resiliency is a topic that that has always is just It's always attracted me because it's such a hopeful topic. And I That's one of the reasons that we when we were thinking about what topics who wanted to include in this five part series, uh, we focused on resiliency because so much of what we're experiencing now feels feels like we're just barely able to survive. You know, that's how do we use for the titles of the other Siri's coping, surviving, getting through juggling. So what could we do that? Would that how we could use this time not to be Pollyannish and say everything is fine and and if you just, you know, put on the Sunday face, things will just be fine and there won't be problems. That's not what we're that's on our attempt. But we do want to focus on how can we turn this time into something, a time of growth for our families and and when we are facing adversity, which most families are facing right now. Um, that is an opportunity for growth and end for development of resiliency. So, uh, hence how we selected the topic and and selected you. So, uh, let's start by What? What do we mean by resiliency? Ah, and does it differ in kids and adults? So what does it look like? And kids? What does it look like in adults?

spk_1:   4:02
Well, I think for both Children and adults, it's that ability to be able to bounce back from adversity. Tough times, um, traumatic experiences. Children need more guidance. They need time to develop resiliency. In most most situations, however, there is some component that's biological genetic about resiliency because it's just like temperament. Um, you know those kinds of things, so ah, that are just inborn. But in adults, hopefully, if you have Children in your home, you have some ability to be resilient because you have to teach that to your Children. Um, Children are seeking that connection and help, um, and that I think that's the difference. Everybody wants to be able to bounce back and resiliency be learned. Yes, it sure can. Yes, and I think that that's, um pretty much the job of of adults. No parents, caretakers, foster parents. You know anybody who's dealing with Children, you can teach resilience. Um, and it's very important for success when they become older and when they become adults in the world is to be ableto have some amount of resilience because none of us come out of this world unscathed. We're always going to have some adversity in our lives, and things we have to deal with that are difficult.

spk_0:   5:45
All right, So what undermines the development of resiliency?

spk_1:   5:51
Um, parents, caretakers who do not, um, promote the strengths of a child inconsistency and parenting inconsistency in attention given to the child. Um, uh, certainly childhood trauma is huge because childhood trauma absolutely slows down development in every aspect of a child, from their brain development to their bodies, to their cognitive, to their social development, everything isn't impacted by trauma.

spk_0:   6:35
Okay, so the time that we're facing now where families air under stress, parents are under stress and Children are under stress. We're all every aspect. Every everyone in the home, with the perhaps exception of the dog is under stress right now. So is this. So how do we utilize this time to Ah, this isolation shut down stress to help our Children. We're gonna start. We're gonna We're going to talk about all of the all of the Children, the parents or whatever. Ah, and the family unit itself. But how can we use this time of being shut down to help our Children develop resiliency? And I thought it would be helpful if we broke it down by age. So let's start with the under five set to the under Children under the age of five years old. What can parents do? Uh, in there as there Now, during this time to help their Children become more resilient.

spk_1:   7:39
Um, they under five group, um, that's that time where Children are still continuing to develop their attachment process in their in their attachment process. Actually, three and under mostly. But you know, when you are consistent with a child, you set good boundaries with the child. You know, a child of two or three still needs boundaries so that they understand the safety of of the parent and that they will take care of them and also teaches them by example that okay, we're in a situation where things air a little different. Uh, everybody's at home. Ah, we're all together stuck in the house. Even a young child is gonna feel that stress. And so checking in with that child playing with that child, holding that child, Um, reassuring that child that's under five, giving them opportunities to, um, do things for themselves, you know, a 45 year old 33 year olds. They're always wanting to do something for themselves. That's just developmental. Me do it myself. That's where that comes from. That three year old and on up and helping them, you know, with projects and fun things to do. Keeping them engaged, not just sitting them in front of a screen, so that really interaction that that contact that communication is very important for the young Children.

spk_0:   9:20
What about engaging them to help you around the house? One of the things that we all know is happening right now is there is more work to be done just to keep our system afloat here. Um, what about utilizing your perhaps not your one and two year old, but your ah 34 and five year old to help you?

spk_1:   9:42
Yes. In fact, I did a weapon or last night for foster foster parents here in Colorado. And, um, that was one of the things that I was kind of pushing them to do because, you know, there's more laundry, there's more dishes. There's more of everything right now because we're in the house and, um, little ones can help you pick up. The little ones can dust. Um, if they don't have to knock something over that you know is valuable, Um, they can, um, help you in the kitchen. You know, they can they

spk_0:   10:19
take your dirty take the folded clean, close to the rooms where they belong.

spk_1:   10:24
Absolutely. Any of those things that a child that you know your child has the ability to do. There's nothing wrong with teaching them to do chores. That's been a family kid. Every you know, if we're gonna work together and we're gonna be stuffed in a house for who knows how long everybody has to cooperate and everybody has to pull together, and even the youngest of the younger kids can do a lot. And that's kind of an untapped resource. I think that parents don't realize that you can teach your child to do some chores and younger that they learned to do chores and that that's the expectation, the easier it is. Ticket older.

spk_0:   11:09
Sure, it's the idea that we're a family unit and that everyone needs to be working in the towards and all or is pulling in the same direction or something along those lines. Ah, working together and ah no, ah, family whose four year old empties the dishwasher? Another there. There are things that are higher than she can put up, but for their certain things that she empties the dishwasher. That's her job in the morning. And when I heard it, I thought, because I hadn't really thought about a four year old doing that. But that's in their family. That's what four year olds. That's one of the beginning tours. So anyone and I'm sure it helps, it's actually a useful thing. You have to train them first. Um, what about the importance of routine and consistency? Ah, predictability, I should say. Is that helpful for Children in the idea of building resistance in our younger kids?

spk_1:   12:06
Yes, routine predictability, Um, knowing what expectations are, um, at this time when we're in homes, all together and people are working from home. Kids were doing school from home. Um, I have suggested to all the parents that I work with, that you get a A schedule that is really clear and concise. And you follow that every day because if Children understand that things air predictable that have more confidence in what they're doing You know, the minute that they're hanging out there and not knowing what to do next, they get concerned, they get worried. Um, they need more, um, support to be able to accomplish those things and feel competent what they do.

spk_0:   13:05
And there are some Children by personality who, if there isn't a a routine, is gonna push the they're going to push the boundaries. It's like they're going to create. They're going to create routine is by continuing to push and push and push. Why can't I watch a screen now? Why can't I have a stack now? Why can't I go outside now? Why don't have you know I'm gonna do this? I'm gonna do that. So if there is a consistent routine, you get a lot less of that because they know all right. After lunch, we're going to go outside or we're going to our screen times. There's going to be when Mom has her ah, zoom call this afternoon. So there's there's less need to argue constantly for when things were going to happen because they know.

spk_1:   13:48
Yes, I talk about, um, a lot of the trainings that I do, um, about creating an emotional box. And if you understand, if you have a visual, which I usually I'm drawing. But if you have an emotional box and the expectations Aaron within that box and then Children know what they should do, there's no question. Once they step outside that box and not really know their skills for that on Daz, Children gain more confidence that gained more skills. We make the box bigger and bigger and bigger, and we put more expectations and skills and those kinds of things inside that box. And then the child really knows what to do in a situation.

spk_0:   14:35
Yeah, and that box has the connotation in our minds of maybe being stifling, but it's actually secure. It's also it's giving security.

spk_1:   14:47
Yes, very secure. All

spk_0:   14:49
right, so we've talked about the under five kiddos. Ah, and how to help them develop resiliency during this time. Now, let's talk about our school age up to the Tween years. How can we help that age Children develop resiliency.

spk_1:   15:06
Okay, so, um, that age those kids love to build. They love to create their very creative time in a child's life. Um, and that goes from just building something with their hands, drawing, music, singing, dancing. They love all of that stuff. And when you can promote the strengths that a child has their natural talent, they feel confident they feel like own. I'm I'm pretty good at this, and they can feel proud of themselves. So you're stuck in this house with this child who loves music. Okay, so get get some activities that promote the music or drawing. If there really tuned into drawing or building with Legos, it doesn't matter. You just you just check what their interests are and their strengths are, and you continue to promote that and you do it with them so that again they have that anchor and they feel like they're supported. And you encourage all of the things that they know how to do best. So again, that translates in when I get out in the world or I'm out there with friends or amount there at school or wherever a child is and something comes along that feels a little bit, um, challenging to them. They have that self confidence that they can dive into that because they know they have strengths.

spk_0:   16:50
You know, this is an off. This is an opportunity to help our Children develop competency in something. And it doesn't have to be in a skill set, a skill that is recognizable, like cooking are drawing. It could be digging deeper into an interest. They may have say they were always interested in trains. Well, this is an opportunity to learn more about trains. Watch documentaries about trains could be baseball. Maybe they're fascinated by baseball. So you watch the Qin Burns documentary on baseball and they probably can't get out and play baseball right now. But they can go out and throw the ball up and see how many times they can catch it. Competent Children who feel competent are more resilient.

spk_1:   17:35
Yes, absolutely. You know, some Children, um, just love, um, something like this is what I want to be when I when I grow up So. So if a child wants to be a veterinarian and they're talking about that and they're 10 years old, you know that we know that that could change. But there are lots of ways. There's lots of shows just on regular PPS and about veterinarians. Get them tuned into those so they know what that's about. Yes, this is a great time. Honestly, it's a hard time. It's a challenging time, But kids can really benefit from this locked down.

spk_0:   18:21
So with each of your Children, find something. And you know, I've suggest this before. But if it's something that over, if you confined a something that they're interested in that you are also interested in and genuinely interested in, not just Oh yeah, all right, yes, we'll talk about we'll talk about this video game and we will talk about whatever, um, but something you genuinely could be interested in and doing it together. It's a tremendous It's a tremendous ego and resiliency boost for Children to know that they and their parents to share an interest in their learning together and your modeling to them how to be a lifelong learner.

spk_1:   18:59
Yes, absolutely. And again there's that anchor. Um, I preach all the time that adults have to be a child's anchor so that they feel safe and they feel competent. They live and everything that goes with that Bill Polian see, parent needs to be there. The caretaker needs to be there to support that.

spk_0:   19:23
All right, so now we move into the teen years, so and this is hard for a lot of teams because one of the well, um, one of the developmental task is of the teen years is independence. And now all of a sudden there independence is being somewhat us time it and often times a lot of the things that they have been involved with, Ah, that would naturally be helping them develop. Resiliency and competency are at school. They might be involved in the band or on the, uh, on the yearbook. Ah, and a lot of that's on hold. Some of it's not. But a lot of that's on hold right now. So how can we use this time to help our teens develop resiliency?

spk_1:   20:06
Okay, so, um, another piece of that don is that they also are very social at this age, and being social is extremely important for them. So thinking about them and us and their ability to be social during the lock down is to give them those opportunities to reach out to their friends. You know, dues, zoom chats or

spk_0:   20:35
they're mostly gonna be faced. I think they're going to do face them, okay? And

spk_1:   20:39
they know all of those chats probably better than the adults dio giving in those opportunities to do that. Um, also, if a child does play an instrument or sings, there's in music, they could still be practicing. They can learn new music. They can get online. There's all kinds of of tutorials about music. Um, then are a child. Really? Really, um, is interested in physics on my goodness. They can learn all kinds of through things through Khan Academy. Um, there's, you know, there. There's numerous websites that kids can learn and keep themselves interested. I really believe, though that and the and the comments that I'm getting from kids at this point are I'm bored. I can't stand doing this online, although they really love being on the computer. But it's not doing school on the computer.

spk_0:   21:47
There's a difference assed.

spk_1:   21:48
There's a big difference so here, so that they have to find a way to make it interesting. So their parents or caretakers need to find ways to make whatever they're learning to be interesting for them. You know, uh, riding, making posters, things that they can take back to school and say, This is what I've done. I've turned this in, and who knows that could get extra credit. You just never know how that goes, but really just tapping in again to their interests. Documentaries air. Fantastic. Um, the whole family could sit down and do that with even an older kid. Absolutely. You know, there might be a common interest in the whole family. They all like hiking. I'm in from Colorado. They like hiking 14 er's. Okay, so there's all kinds of things about camping and hiking and stuff. You know, you just never know. You gotta got to kind of be creative. Um, So keeping the interest going, I think is the most important for teenagers Day. Tend to want to be bored and complain about it. Um, believe me, I've gotten my share of that kids that I worked with in the last two months. Um, but also helping them see what is, um, what they're thankful for. What are they learning? What is good about this? There's some bright spots here if we can help them to see that

spk_0:   23:26
another thought worth with our teens is if they are interested in something that that particularly lends itself to being learned online. I'm thinking of photo editing are videography. There are some wonderful resource is one that comes to mind, but there are others. Eyes lynda dot com Most are many libraries now subscribe to it and the instructions. There are absolutely some of the top. I mean, they're wonderful. And for just about anything from a technology standpoint, any type of digital digital graphic design things like that learning how to use new software, it could be very useful for them in the future. But again, we're coming back from a resiliency standpoint. Ah, a teen that is competent and feels good about themselves and is realizing that they're good at something. They've learned something taken, put toe actual use. Ah, for then, then this time you could, because we're stuck with being online. Another good opportunity are stuck with being inside. Online is a good so There's a lot of online digital things that they can learn how to do.

spk_1:   24:38
Yeah, and you know, I mean, just like any of us. If we have knowledge, a lot of knowledge in our skill in one certain area, we feel very proud of ourselves and we can share that. And people look up to us for that, and they come to us for information. So again that boosts that self esteem. Man, that is one of the components of being resilient is having really high self esteem

spk_0:   25:13
and knowing that that that you are competent, not just that people are are give you compliments for for things that Aaron undeserved, but that you actually are competent at something. And and I think that we often as parents, have a fairly narrow view of things that that teenagers can be competent and they could be competent and if they by playing in the band, are singing our art. But there's so many things that are kids can be can learn can become competent in

spk_1:   25:42
Yes, yes, I mean, it's it's endless.

spk_0:   25:46
Yeah, yeah, we have the internet now, so it truly isn't listening. Could be you could go on and on. So yes, let me pause and remind folks that this show is underwritten by the jockey Being Family foundation jockey. Being family would like to connect with more adoptive foster families, so please follow them on their social media platforms, Instagram and Facebook. And on both of those they are at jockey being family. And on Twitter they are jockey being fam f am. So connect with them on Instagram and Facebook, a jockey being family and on Twitter at jockey being fan. They also have a twice monthly newsletter, and you can subscribe to that on their on their website jockey being family dot com. All right now we're talking about building resiliency. Are using this time of shutdown as an opportunity to develop resiliency in our Children. And we're talking with Roxanne Thompson. She is a licensed professional counselor with the Institute for Attachment and Child Development in Colorado. Now we've spent time talking about how do we help our kids develop resiliency, and I think it's parents is always more comfortable to be focusing on how we can help our kids develop this straight. But the truth is, we're not too old to develop resiliency in ourselves, and it may be a little more less comfortable to turn inward and say, What am I lacking? But in fact, we could all use an improvement in our resiliency quoted. So let's talk about how weak as parents can utilize this time to develop resiliency.

spk_1:   27:36
You know, um, when I've been talking with parents during this time, there's a huge mix of feelings that are going on all at the same time. Yep, some people are scared. Yes, you are anxious. Some people are bitter because they didn't sign up to be teachers. Um, some people just don't like the fact that they have to be stuck someplace because they're very social, and they have lots of activities have been used to, and I think that this this is very hard for adults because they're so far they're so focused on their Children at this time that they're not taken that time for themselves. And so I've been talking to people of the adults, especially about taking that time every day for some self reflection, doing some, maybe some journaling about how you feel because we're really good. As as adults of stuffing our feelings and not paying attention to it and just getting distracted so that we can not deal with whatever's going on with us in here. Because as parents, parents want to be totally focused on their Children. If they can be, but it will wear them down, and so they need that time for themselves. That would be resilience that will promote resilience because they won't be so tired. They won't be so emotionally tired, and they can be able to cope better. Coping also is part of resilience. If you have good coping skills, you can be more resilient, okay? And so also thinking about the their own expectations for themselves, talking to someone last night who was, um, not feeling good about being a teacher, spending nine hours a day doing schoolwork men. She had no time for herself. Unlike Stop that. That's not going to get anybody anywhere. At this time, the kids were gonna be completely burned out, your burning out so everything needs to slow down a little bit. Expectations were too high

spk_0:   30:04
and you know, when our expectations are high and we're not meeting them, which is usually the case when they're too high, we feel like a failure and feeling like a failure is the antithesis to resiliency.

spk_1:   30:16
Absolutely. Yes. So the expectations for ourselves and the Children have to be reasonable. Okay, so they may change a little because of this time that we're at home and lock down, but they still have to be reasonable. And I think when parents can get some self reflection going, that helps their resilience.

spk_0:   30:42
Uh huh. Yeah. Um, Tracy Whitney are, uh, one of our content developers. Creating a family has a mantra right now of low bar low, low bar set that bar lower. It can go lower. So the, uh, in a way, she's setting herself up for resilience because what she's saying is, okay, right now, Yes. In the past, I had standards that were high. Ah, and now I'm not going to be able to meet those standards. My kids are not gonna be able to meet those standards. The expectations of of of being silly when they go upstairs and talking when normally the rules are at bedtime, everybody is quiet. Well, some of those standards are gonna have to be lowered a little, and we're gonna all just kind of give ourselves a little grace during this time and, uh yeah, and feel less like a failure.

spk_1:   31:35
I also think that whatever spirituality you practice, you need to make sure you haven't for gotten about that because that supports people in in a deeper way. And so, um, for parents not to get away from that for themselves.

spk_0:   31:57
Uh huh. Yes, yes. And the things I would also add the things that give you pleasure before many of those on some, perhaps looking different but in some way can be also, you could still do them. You may not be able to play tennis with your friends. Ah, but you may be able to do yoga. Ah, by one of the and and join in a zoom yoga class. I you can have your book club, but it could be via digital, and I know it's not the same, but, ah, those little acts of kindness, sicher and maintenance of normality go a long way towards helping you feel less isolated, less like a failure. In both of those help you feel more resilient. Help you be more resilient.

spk_1:   32:50
Yes, that that situation of feeling so isolated, um will defeat people because there's more depression. There's more anxiety that goes along with isolation, and we know the research and just everyday occurrences that when people isolate their mental health goes downhill. Eso not looking at this is kind of changing your paradigm about being stuck in the house with all the kids. It's not a prison sentence. It is an opportunity. Then you kind of have to change the way that you look at things in order to keep your mental health intact

spk_0:   33:36
with of it. And what are some of the signs of depression now? I think that a lot of people are stressed and worried now. So I think we could all be is showing some signs of depression. But how should we? How should parents? Ah, winter, they take action? When should they? One of the signs that would indicate that this is beyond what is to be expected during a stressful time.

spk_1:   34:04
Yeah, there's there's quite a few signs for adults, and of course, we all, um, react to our emotional states in different ways. Um, wanting to sleep too much, being extremely irritable, just kind of having that fog where you just don't feel connected very well um, loss of concentration, um, loss of patients, then you. Then there are people who like to stress eat. And so people are cooking and cooking and cooking and eating and eating and eating and not really paying attention to what they're doing. Um, you know, if you're finding yourself wanting to drink a little more after the kids go to bed, that might Halsell be a sign that you're getting a little depressed. Um, not getting outside, not having that motivation to be outside, soak up some sun, some fresh air. Um, not having the motivation to do the school work with the kids Are any motivation not having, um, time with your spouse? If you, ah are living with a partner in your home and kind of pushing them out of your life, not wanting to communicate Those are all real signs for adults who are feeling that depression from this isolation.

spk_0:   35:37
And in addition to you had said sleeping too much. I would also add inability to sleep. Ah, that So it's it's sleep extremes on either way. I suppose that could really Yeah, they could make that can just work against you. How can you tell if your anxiety is getting out of bounds to the point where you need to be seeking some help to, ah, to control it because this isn't anxiety producing time. I mean, being anxious is a seems to me to be a fairly not only natural, but but ah, normal reaction to some of what we're hearing.

spk_1:   36:16
Yeah, you know, there's some there some ways first, that you can keep yourselves from self from getting so anxious. One is quit listening to the news hours a day

spk_0:   36:31
and meet us, though in some social media on their less, though it we don't have to be on social media as much, either.

spk_1:   36:36
No, no, You know, chicken once a day to your favorite news broadcast and, you know, check in to see what's going on in the world and then leave it alone. It's not gonna change that much in 24 hours and then focus on some other things that are more positive. Okay, so that will help you not get so anxious. Um, but, um, when people are getting way too anxious, there's there's some signs that, uh, you need to pay attention to one would be that you're avoiding things. You're absolutely in avoiding doing what you need to do. Getting the house work done, working with the kids, reaching out to your friends. You're avoiding any contact with other people because you feel so weird in your own skin. Um, if you've ever had a panic attack, you feel like you're gonna die. Okay? So when you're have is starting to get panic attacks, it's time to make a call to someone. If you're finding that you're just so anxious that you can't focus on things, it's time to talk with somebody. Um, that that anxiety will also make you very irritable and not want to deal with things. So, um, you know, you have your kids there and how how parents show up is how the kids are going to react to you. So if you're having difficulties, whether it be depression or anxiety, um, really reach out to somebody. There's really, um I just saw that there's quite a few, um, websites where you can our phone phone numbers that you can call and speak to a clinician just for free at this time. Mom, what's out there? It's It's pretty prominent, and people need to take advantage of that. If you have your own therapist or your own pastor, make a phone call and get some reassurance and help, um, you know, it's it's it's just a tough time. And to manage our own self regulation is difficult. Um, this something none of us have ever experienced. So, you know, we're all new at this. Even therapists are new at this. Yeah, Yeah, we're all struggling to it, just like everybody else is. So yeah,

spk_0:   39:11
contract. Sure. Contact your insurance company, as you just pointed out. Tell a therapy is if there's going to be some some positives that come out of this. I think the acceptance of telemedicine in general is going to be a huge boon. And on and and tell a therapy is is one part of that. And so reach out to your insurance company because it many of them have tele therapists that are either within network. And then, as you pointed out, there are some free are low cost ones. All of this might well be available. So something to for you to reach just. And if you're concerned about the cost, which most of us are, right, now, um, both free, but also could confirm with your insurance company. Yes, it occurs to me that we have talked about with Children that using this time as an opportunity to learn something that you've wantedto learn it. For parents, it's a little harder, because oftentimes this is not a time of extra time. This is a time of less time in their lives, their balancing home schooling, their kids, their balancing mawr cooking, mawr cleaning and for if their fortune, enough to still have a job. They're doing all this with working from home or even having toe if they're considered essential, having to leave and then and then work and then coming home to all this so they may not have extra time. But if they find that they do, this would be a time to get back into Ah, hobby. Ah, I know a couple of quite a few people who have started knitting again, and there's knitting groups beginning knitting groups that are forming online for people to get together and eso there. I'm sure there are many other hobbies as well that have their own line components now, So something to look into

spk_1:   41:01
Yes, Yeah, dust off that guitar. You have a pleasant 19 years.

spk_0:   41:07
Yeah, that's another yelling. I would be a great one, actually. Actually did that. Yeah, This show is a brought to you by the generous support of our partner agencies and these air agencies who not only believe in our mission of providing unbiased, accurate, free and post adoption and fostering education and support, but they've also believe in it to the extent that they're willing to put their money behind it. Is that their support that allows us to bring you this show as well as all the resource is provided creating a family. One such partner agency is Children's connection. They are an adoption agency providing services for domestic infinite option and embryo donation and adoption throughout the U. S. They also perform home studies and post adoption support to families in Texas. And we have adoptions from the heart. They were founded by an adoptee and are celebrating 35 years of bringing families together through adoption there. A full service domestic infant adoption agency specializing in open adoption. You can see adoptive parents and birth parents share their stories on their TV, which is a F T H TV, airing Tuesday mornings, and you can get more information about the episodes by following adoptions from the heart on both Facebook and YouTube. And that's where you will be able to see a F T h t V. All right, so we're coming back to talking about how we can utilize this time of enforced isolation and chuck down to help ourselves and our Children develop resiliency. But it occurs to me that that the family, the other, the other part that we're leaving we have left out is the family unit itself. I know resiliency is actually is a term that is utilized for humans. But how about human systems such as families? Are some families more resilient than others?

spk_1:   43:08
Yes. Um, and, um, speaking with families on parents and bringing the family together is doing activities together, doing projects together. You know, it's not all gonna be about work. It's not all gonna be about school. It's not all gonna be about chores. There's gotta be some time in that balance. And balance is an extremely important word right now that everyone has to find some balance in their lives. Kids do the adults do so if you find that time and to balance some of the family interaction, you know it's put in a movie and pop some popcorn. Everybody sit around in their blankets and watch a movie together, play board games, do jigsaw puzzles. You know, maybe you're good at doing wood crafting and get everybody involved in making something together. Even the little list kids conduce that they can hand you nails. They can, um, you know, put the trash in the trash can. I mean, there's all kinds of things that you can include the whole entire family. Also again, your spiritual time needs to be a time where you have that together. Um, many, many families. Um, you know, you can't go to church or you can't involve yourself, um, outside of the home. But ulcer. Almost all services of any persuasion are on the Internet, and probably your own church or philia. Really, religious affiliation has something going on on the Internet. That's really important stuff. Exercise together, get outside, do things where you are playing together. Play is a really important thing right now. Even adults need to play. They don't think they do, but they do we never outgrow but having the necessity to play?

spk_0:   45:26
And that strengthens play a family that I have Often I'm a big believer across the board, and the family that plays together is a strong, healthy family. And never could that be more true than right now. And play can look like different things. Not everybody is a get on the ground and roll with the kids type of parent, and that's fine. I recently heard of a family that the dad was a, uh, had watch movies a lot as a kid. So he is teaching. His are He's exposing his kids to all the classic movies that that he grew up with. An. Actually, it turns out that his his father had had showed him, and they're going back to two really old. And the kids are probably watching, quite frankly, mawr TV than they've watched before. So there's a certain amount of Pharaoh with that, but they're all getting into it. Ah, and so that may not be the, ah, the most active form of play, but it is certainly bringing that family together in bringing them all a lot of joy.

spk_1:   46:32
Yeah. Um, I was uh, I have ah, Foster parent that I've known for years, and she even and she's also adopted and she's single and she has a, um most of the kids in her home has special needs, and she did the most brilliant thing. And this is one way that you can pull the whole family together. She made an obstacle course in her house with tape on the floor, and the kids had to go through all the how through throughout the house, doing different things, crawling on their belly, crawling underneath tables, doing push ups on the wall, doing all kinds of things. And to include that could include the little kids, the middle age kids, the teenagers and the teenagers could actually create those

spk_0:   47:29
well, and I'm going to say the adult should be doing it as well.

spk_1:   47:32
I agree. I agree. Can you love

spk_0:   47:34
to see an adult on their belly tryingto get under something? And it's also a good way of of showing our kids that, you know, I might not be very good at this, but I'm still gonna have fun doing it. I don't have to be good.

spk_1:   47:47
Yeah, absolutely. So cooking, cooking together you know, make a family cooking day. You know, um, it's I think it's all in any time. You can include everyone in the family in an activity. You're gonna be more bonded, and attachment is going to be stronger. And that resilience is built right into all of that.

spk_0:   48:16
Yeah. Amen. Yeah, that is such a It is so powerful. Eso playing as a family, learning as a family. Ah, and not having our expectations so high for what it means to play and what it means to learn it doesn't have to be all high brow. Right? All right. So let us close with some tips that we can leave for families, much of them we've already mentioned here. But if you could just throw out some tips that you would think that you would that family should think about for during this time to help each member developed, become more resilient in the future.

spk_1:   49:01
Well, I think because we're all closed up in a in our homes, we need time away from each other, and that is not easy. Um, it's been beneficial for Children to have some time, maybe some room time, every day, so that they, you know they can take a nap or they can play with their Legos or they can read, Um, they can write that can do whatever it is, but they get some of that time alone. It also gives parents breaks when Children are kind of quiet doing when something away from everybody else. It also keeps siblings from, um, getting into too many squabbles. And everybody needs to watch how patient there being how tolerant they're being, how forgiving there being Hey, getting enough rest for everybody in the family eating correctly, getting enough exercise, doing family activities. Don't set those expectations too high. And look at this as a positive instead of a negative.

spk_0:   50:16
Uh huh. And that's not the same. I go back to saying of being a poly Anna and pretending like there aren't some negatives. It's saying that don't focus only on the negative.

spk_1:   50:27
Exactly. Stay away from the television.

spk_0:   50:32
Hey, Mento, that one. Well, thank you so much. Roxanne Thompson, for being with us today to talk about how to use this time of shutdown to develop resiliency in our kids in our families, to get more information about the Institute for Attachment and child development. You could go to their website institute for attachment dot org's. You can also get more information there on Roxanne Thompson. Let me remind everybody that the views expressed in this show are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect the position of creating a family. Our partners are underwriters. And keep in mind that the information given in this interview is general advice. To understand how it applies to your specific situation, you need to work with your adoption or foster care professional. Thank you for joining us today, and I will see you next week.