Question: We’ve been waiting for 15 months for an expectant mom to choose us to adopt her baby. We finally got chosen, but I’m filled with fear. Are we the right family for this baby? Are we up to parenting her? Will we be ruining our lives and maybe hers?
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Welcome everyone to Weekend Wisdom by Creating a Family. This is the time where we answer your questions. So send us your questions. You can send them to info @creatingafamily .org.
If you think of it, put something in the rail line that indicates that it's a question for Weekend Wisdom and it will find its way to me. So without further ado, let me jump in.
Today we have an expert because the question is about how to evaluate a match and we thought we would ask Dr. Todd Oaks.
He is a pediatrician who specializes in adoption and foster care. He is a founding member of the American Academy of Pediatrics section on adoption and foster care and he's an adoptive dad.
So who better to answer a question about a domestic infant adoption? match and what the prospective parent is hearing and is concerned on whether or not they should go forward with this match?
This is a typical question that we would hear from parents who are looking at an adoption match and trying to make a decision if they're the right family for this child.
Here's the question. We have been waiting for 15 months for an expected mom to choose us to adopt her baby. We finally got chosen, but I'm filled with fear. Are we the right family for this baby?
Are we up for parenting her? Will would be ruining our lives and maybe hers. Here's the story. Mom is 25 and was raped. She admits to smoking pot throughout the pregnancy and drinking,
this is in quotes socially, until she was six or seven months pregnant. She says she took meth a couple of times. She has suffered from depression since. she was a teen, and she takes Zoloft as a prescription.
We'll know at birth if the baby is born addicted to anything, but we have to make up her minds ahead of time. Any advice would be welcome. All right, Dr. Oakes, if you were talking with this prospective possible adoptive parent,
what would you say? Well, I'll tell you. I've been doing adoption of foster care work since 1998 and have reviewed thousands. This is a puzzle with a couple of pieces and the whole rest of it's blank.
Did the mother get prenatal care? If so, how much did she show up for all her appointments? Did they do an ultrasound and what's the growth of this baby? What's the head circumference?
Drinking socially, we think more than an ounce of pure alcohol a day is really good. going to cause significant pterogenic effects. However, you have issues like the mother's metabolism of the alcohol and a bunch of other things.
How much did she drink? How much weed did she smoke? Was the weed adulterated? Was it legal? The pattern of drinking too, whether or not she had a glass of wine at dinner every night versus binge drinking on Friday and Saturday night,
that type of thing. The first trying of pregnancy, everything's getting formed. The second trimester, we're building things.
And the third trimester, things are getting bigger. So it really depends on how much during each time she's potentially abused the fetus's fetal brain and body if they're ultrasound.
and they look okay, that's a plus. If she really stopped in the third trimester, that's way better than not. Let me ask a question.
What about the Zoloft? Zoloft is safe during pregnancy. It's also safe to breastfeed with. Okay. That's a non -issue. Excellent. Okay. So getting more information,
specifically a ultrasound, ultrasound, ideally would be ultrasound over time, numerous ultrasounds. You may not have access to that, you might. Trying to find out more information about the pattern of use.
In particular, would you say also focusing in on the alcohol consumption, since we know that has the greatest impact? Absolutely. Absolutely. If she drank until the sixth or seventh month,
did she also stop smoking weed? or, you know, stopped doing whatever else? When did she do coke or meth? So there's all these factors and really knowing exactly when still doesn't tell us exactly what we want to know.
Yeah. But getting more information if she can or if they can would be helpful. Always. I hope that has been helpful for you and don't forget you can can send in your own questions to us at info @creatingafamily .org.
And I want you to know that creating a family has a newsletter, a newsletter for people just like you. Perspective adoptive parents are adoptive parents. It is a great resource for you.
We curate the best that we found in that month that will help you be a better parent. It's free, so... sign up at bit .ly /cafguide.
That's B -I -T dot L -Y slash C -A -F guide. And the reason it says guide in there is because you will receive a free guide when you sign up. I hope you have enjoyed today's weekend wisdom.
Thank you for listening and please spread the word. Let others know that this exists and that it's a good place to get their questions answered.